aliciax Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Firstly, hello everyone. I'm new to this forum and I wanted to share my experience and mayve chat to people in similar situations. Me and my ex boyfriend have been together for a little longer than a year. Our relationship has always been very rocky and I found it hard to trust our relationship and him, al though deep down I know he wouldn't cheat. He is a great guy who works very hard and earns a lot of money. I am 8 years younger than him and Im a full time student who also works full time most nights in a pub. I always worked very hard and never had time for most of the stuff my age group usually does. I met him at the pub I work at. He was a regular customer and I've known him for a year before anything happened between me and him as he was still with his ex. He told me that he had a bad habit which was a bit of cocaine when he goes out with his friends drinking. But he also said he was over it. As a child my mother has done a lot of drugs around me and I had a very damaged childhood and I absolutely repelled against drugs! He seemed so sweet and I never had anything or anyone that stayed in my life! Never had stability before and I felt the need to it! I actually thought cause he is older, he would want to settle down and be the stability I never had and craved. The start was good. But then he started going out often drinking. I was working most nights anyway so I didnt find it as an issue. Eventually he moved in with me round my mother's. The plan was to live here until we find a nice home for us and we weren't in any rush. One night I came back from work, he wasnt at home, he wouldnt answer his phone or his texts. I was worried but the night passed and next day he turned up after a long night partying and doing cocaine. I was very angry and we about broke up but eventually he convinced me. A year and nearly a half on, these nights must have happened 20+ times and it broke my heart each time but he somehow managed to convince me each time! Baring in mind I dont know where he is what he is doing and if he is safe or not during these nights and I cant deal with the thought of cocaine :-( .. once I actually had to pick him up from a very dodgy hotel in the morning after he has been out with his friends. I dont know if he has cheated! But I also strongly believe he is not the type of man to cheat. it happened again last night but he had my keys to get in to my house! He said he would be home before me. I made it home after work and he wasnt here. Tried ringing him, no answer, texting him... nothing. I went back to the pub and resulted in messaging his friend who said he was with him and he will drop the keys of to me at the pub. An hour gone by and he messaged me saying he left them in the pot outside my house basically he went and carried on with his night. No explanation nothing... today as usual he is making me feel like its me and I pressure him too much and I hassle him. I left it completely now and I dont want to forgive him another time! Im such a fool to forgive him all the time! Someone please tell me if its me being the bitch?!! We have a good relationship and we have fun together! I get on with most of his friends too and I am that cool girlfriend who has a pint with them and chat to them! I just dont understand :-( we have 2 holidays booked and paid a lot of money for them :-( I dont know what to do! I dont want to be with him cause he is a very careless inconsiderate person when he is in one of them moods. But I also dont want to be without him as he is the closest thing I ever had to having something stable in my life but in reality it has never been stable cause anything could have happened to me the nights he left me to it! And I might have needed him but he wouldn't have cared or known. Sorry about the essay!!!!! I just dont know what to do! Who to talk to. I feel like im going out of my mind and I don't have enough time to be depressed! I have a very busy life!! Thank you for reading my crazy essay about my life!!!
Confusedbylove Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 So.....you are OK with the drinking to excess and his cocaine habit? Sounds like neither of you, are taking his problem(which he hasn't admitted yet) seriously, and he's taking you along for the ride. Do the right thing .... and break up with him. He may seem nice but it sounds like he's using you. You aren't doing anything about the problems he's causing you. Stop being his doormat.
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