abstractxparade Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 About a month ago, I and my boyfriend of about a year broke up. It was a sincere mutual decision; we had several discussions about how we were both not happy and just incompatible. The biggest discrepancy in our personalities was he was nonsensitive in nature and I am highly sensitive. This caused a lot of fighting between us. I felt he was emotionally unavailable to me and my emotions/need for intimacy, and he felt I was too sensitive/needy. He was also a chronic pot smoker and I don't smoke as it is not aligned with my values. We fought about this a lot and I always questioned my values to the point of joining his lifestyle with him; we smoked together and had a great time but I knew it wasn't for me. He also had such a powerful dependence on it and did not really want to do anything without incorporating weed and getting high into the mix. The relationship started out well but progressively got very rocky. I started to see that love does not conquer all, and some people just don't work well in a relationship together. It was a very clean and mature split. We both said that we want what's best for one another. Yet even though I know this is the right decision in my heart, I still feel relentless anxiety over him. The bad times definitely outweighed the good times, but I still think of the good times. I keep reflecting over his smile, his voice, him taking care of me, cooking for me, teaching me things. He was so smart and it was a major turn on to me that he knew how to handle so many life situations. I felt supported tremendously. Except emotionally of course. I also keep thinking of the fun we had together, all of the laughs; he was playful and silly while still mature and I loved that. I just want to stop feeling attached to these times. I know I deserve better and I can find these qualities elsewhere, but I still feel anxiety and pain. Also, we both attend the same college except he commutes and I live on campus. It became a norm for me to go home with him and I loved doing this. I loved the independence, isolation, and comfort of being at his house with him, eating home cooked meals, not getting involved in campus drama. Now I feel like my routine is disrupted and I miss doing this. I also became very close to his parents and cat which makes the separation worse. Luckily the semester is ending and he is most likely not going to even be on campus next semester due to a work leave. So I will not have to see him and will have time to recover from the break up. Has anyone been through a similar situation/break up? How did you stop thinking of the memories and idealizing that person? How did you stop thinking of them with other people or wondering what they were doing and start focusing on yourself? I want to get over this, feel independent and not feel like I need him. I want to enjoy the last two years of my college career. Thank you so much for reading and/or advising. I greatly appreciate it.
disclosure Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Sounds very similar to my situation. My ex girlfriend was a chronic weed smoker as well, used to smoke weed before anything she did. I don't smoke, and I tried to be cool with it, but I never really was. Our break up wasn't mutual though, and it was extremely rough. It's been 5 months for me and I'm still trying to figure out why I still have feelings even though in my head the relationship just didn't add up. So if you figure it out let me know!
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