simplicity1 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 This quote got a knowing smile out of me, reminding me that coping with a guy who is not willing to fully invest himself in the relationship can be even more miserable than coping with a breakup. Easy to get caught up in those feelings of abandonment, self-doubt, and lack of understanding while going through a breakup, but don't forget that in many of our cases there were things during the relationship that caused pain and confusion too! 5
Jiivy Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I've been getting a lot of good vibes from the below. I still don't know the source, sorry... I believe that happy and healthy relationships are those where we *choose* to maintain them. That is selfishness. That is expecting someone to put the butterflies in your tummy and excite you forever, and if they don’t, you abandon them. That is expecting to feel “in love” all the time with someone, and if it drops before a certain baseline, you bounce. Expecting to always feel “in love” is expecting my partner to excite me and make me happy, always. Expecting to “just feel it” all the time is, in essence, expecting your partner to do all the work for you. That kind of expectation is cancer to a relationship. That’s an addiction to the feeling of love. That is a lack of effort and a willingness to quit. If a relationship is unsatisfying, toxic or hollow – if there truly are no redeeming qualities – I support leaving beyond a shadow of a doubt. But I *do* get irritated when I see both dumpers and dumpees alike feel torn and heartbroken because they weren’t “feeling it” and just assumed the relationship was dead before even taking its pulse. I believe that a happy and healthy relationship is full of love, support, and acceptance. It’s bonding. I do not need to feel attraction towards my partner all the time. I need a *best friend* (who, yes, I will be attracted to more often than not…sex *is* an important part of it…just not the most important part). I need a literal partner. Someone who will back me up. I accept that sometimes I will feel more “in love”, sometimes I will feel less, and sometimes I won’t feel it at all. I accept that my partner will annoy me, bore me, inadvertently hurt me and occasionally ignore me. I accept this because I know that I am responsible for my own happiness, love and excitement. If I start to get bored with me relationship, then it becomes my responsibility to do something fun. If I don’t feel the connection, it’s my responsibility to communicate. If I don’t feel the attraction, it’s my responsibility to be romantic and seduce her. It’s not just being happy on your own that brings a long, happy relationship – it’s being responsible for yourself. Being independent even when together. 3
Itspointless Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I've been getting a lot of good vibes from the below. I still don't know the source, sorry... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/437625-i-finally-understand-why-my-last-relationship-failed
Jiivy Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 thank you! This post is as relevent then as it is today...beautiful.
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