shadowsfall Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Well Here I am again. As more problems arise between my girlfriend of 3years and I, I'm starting to lean more toward a definitive breakup here. Things apparantely can't work between us. So a couple days ago she decided to get a tattoo with her mom, which I wasn't too receptive of. She called me and stated she had gotten a rose on her hip, so I decided to go over and see it. After visiting her, all 3 of us (her mom, her and myself) went to the store to get some drinks. While in the store I blurted a comment out saying "Why don't you just show the store clerk your tattoo." She apparently wasn't to thrilled when I said that, and neither was her mom, however I had no idea. So after that I was dropped off at home and she called me later on that night. We continued to talk about her new piece of artwork and things seemed fine. The next day she called me and we had been talking for about 7minutes, and then she brought up the comment I made in the store. How it had made her angry, and how I ALWAYS seem to say something stupid and apologize for it later. For the sake of getting through this, I apologized for my words and it still seemed inadequate for her. The more I seemed to apologize the more upset she became. What I don't understand Is why things seemed fine, and then out of the blue she brings this up??? Is she trying to find something to break up with me for? Am I just overly paranoid? Anyway the next day I called her mom and apologized for what I had said in the store. Her mom (who is like my mom) said don't even worry about it, that it wasn't a big deal at all. She also said don't worry about her (my girlfriend) that she'll get over it. I figured she would considering after all it was just a stupid comment. However it's been 2DAYS now, and I haven't heard ANYTHING from her. I've called her a couple times (blocked #) and text messaged her once and she never picked up or responded. The fact that she used the term Always in the conversation makes me feel like she has just had enough or something. I don't really know how to deal with this because the last time we went 2days without talking was when we were on a break. So I'm trying to be strong and give her space, if that's what she needs. It's unfortunate timing with Valentine's next week, and I had planned on finally getting her a promise ring. And to top it all off tomorrow is my Birthday. I guess I should just wait and see if she calls to wish me happy birthday tomorrow, and If not then I guess I'll have my definitive answer. Any positive advice from you guys would really be appreciated at this point? Thank you, Justin
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 What I don't understand Is why things seemed fine, and then out of the blue she brings this up??? Is she trying to find something to break up with me for? It could be nothing, or it could be that she's making her break from you - making the break is always a gradual process, you as the 'dumpee' don't get to see that process until its too late though. Think of the last six months or so: 1. Has she shown an interest in things that she wasn't interested in before and seems to leave you out of it? 2. Has she found reasons not to spend as much time with you? 3. Has she changed her appearance, or the way she dresses without your input? (sometimes when making the emotional break, the physical outward appearance can mirror that). 4. Does she talk about the future, without your relationship being a part of it or does she get vague and/or indecisive when talking about commitment or the future for you two? 5. Has she been more irritable than usual and picking fights? 6. Has the sex and/or intimacy (true closeness) decreased or become 'mundane'? 7. Does she seem antsy, or restless when you are alone together - and prefers going out to just staying in and being together? Sometimes you have to step back from a 'sudden outburst' and take a good long look at some subtle things that could have been leading up to it. A person who is making the escape from the relationship often looks for a "deal breaker" as an excuse to make the final break - it gives them the justification they need to leave. That's why someone can, after a three year relationship take a simple misunderstanding or argument and say "I can NEVER EVER forgive you for such a horrible thing" and break it off right then and there, when just six months or a year earlier it wouldn't have happened like that. Like I said, it could be nothing - and maybe she is just particularly angry, but it seems more to me like that anger is a cover for something more significant. Maybe you could drop by her house when she's home and ask her to talk to you about it? It may require something more than a phone call. I guess you won't really know unless you talk to her.
Author shadowsfall Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 Thank you for your advice on my situation. I think most of things you said hit the nail on the head. But there is one thing I don't understand About 3months ago we went through a breakup and she was really displaying a lot of those signs you've listed. You know, spending time with herself or friends rather than me, lack of intimacy, more irritable. And I knew it was coming however I was hoping it wouldn't, and she finally told me she wanted to be alone. Now that was in the beginning of October. She called me a week later and we got back together. Now what I don't understand is that she never really started displaying these signs at all recently. In fact things were going great between us which Is why I'm so CONFUSED and SHOCKED. Another thing, when she got that tattoo she called me right after she had got it done and told me not to be mad at her for what she did. By doing that, that obviously displays a certain type of concern for my feelings on the situation. I honestly feel like If I'd been more supportive of her decision to get this done, then I wouldn't be having the same problem I'm having now. You know why didn't I just suck it up and get over it? You know We had plans to hang out the day before Valentine's Day because we're too busy that day.Another thing that kills me is that It's my 20th birthday today and I don't know if she's going to call and wish it to me. It sucks because if it wasn't my birthday I would probably go over to her house and try to talk to her, otherwise I might seem a little to desperate. I wish my birthday was tomorrow so I could go over to her house today and talk to her. And if she doesn't call then I'm not sure I even want to invest any time into figuring out why she's acting this way, if she can't at least wish me a happy birthday. Are my expectations to high? Today I think will determine whether I still want to pursue something with her or not. I mean do you think I should go over there today? Or will that just really look desperate that I don't have anything better to do on my 20th bday? It just really sucks that I have to worry about this today, and know that if she doesn't call then it's over. I wish I had more time. How can something so small turn into something so big? I think like you said it may very well be a cover for something more significant. I'm just really worried about her because usually If she was just mad I would usually hear SOMETHING from her, (text, bitchy phone call) but I haven't heard ANYTHING in like 3 days now???
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