d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) Hello All, Just looking for a little advice on how to deal with a situation Im currently in. in my journey back into the dating world. Im a 28 year old male, recently single (Feb 18) after a 5.5 year relationship. My ex-fiance cheated on me and all that jazz. Well my friends, set me up with this girl whos a friend of theirs. Shes a 30 year old mother of 3 (6, 8 and 10 yr olds), CNA who works really wierd and long hours. We started talking on FB and texting in the middle of March and went of for a couple weeks we met up at our friends house for a party one night. Everything went well, we even cuddled when we all passed out at like 6am. I asked her the next day if she wanted to go out for lunch sometime, and we did. Had a great time, and we kept chatting like normal. Since then weve met up a few times at their house and she even came over to my place last week for our first official date, we both had a great time, she even told my friends how much she liked me and that she had a great time. So I know shes not just lying to me. Well she has been working really long hours the last 2 weeks and we havent seen each other since that night she was here and we don't talk as much cause shes always at work or with her kids. I've asked her out a couple times and she just don't have the time. I really like her, I think theres chemistry there and I respect her work ethic. I work a lot myself, but im a freelance contractor so I can change my schedule whenever I need to. She can't, and shes always having to fill shifts for call ins and pull doubles and everything else. My question is, what do I do...I want to get to know her more off the texting, but she just don't have the time anytime I ask. I don't want to constantly ask her when shes free and seem needy but I also don't want to miss out on seeing her given she gets some free time. Its just frustrating cause I really want to see her, but I don't want to take much of the freetime she has with her kids. How do you date a ridiculously busy woman that you are interested in? Edited May 4, 2014 by d3sigN8t3dDruNk
torturedartist Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Hello All, Just looking for a little advice on how to deal with a situation Im currently in. in my journey back into the dating world. Im a 28 year old male, recently single (Feb 18) after a 5.5 year relationship. My ex-fiance cheated on me and all that jazz. Well my friends, set me up with this girl whos a friend of theirs. Shes a 30 year old mother of 3 (6, 8 and 10 yr olds), CNA who works really wierd and long hours. We started talking on FB and texting in the middle of March and went of for a couple weeks we met up at our friends house for a party one night. Everything went well, we even cuddled when we all passed out at like 6am. I asked her the next day if she wanted to go out for lunch sometime, and we did. Had a great time, and we kept chatting like normal. Since then weve met up a few times at their house and she even came over to my place last week for our first official date, we both had a great time, she even told my friends how much she liked me and that she had a great time. So I know shes not just lying to me. Well she has been working really long hours the last 2 weeks and we havent seen each other since that night she was here and we don't talk as much cause shes always at work or with her kids. I've asked her out a couple times and she just don't have the time. I really like her, I think theres chemistry there and I respect her work ethic. I work a lot myself, but im a freelance contractor so I can change my schedule whenever I need to. She can't, and shes always having to fill shifts for call ins and pull doubles and everything else. My question is, what do I do...I want to get to know her more off the texting, but she just don't have the time anytime I ask. I don't want to constantly ask her when shes free and seem needy but I also don't want to miss out on seeing her given she gets some free time. Its just frustrating cause I really want to see her, but I don't want to take much of the freetime she has with her kids. How do you date a ridiculously busy woman that you are interested in? The woman you're talking about sounds like a great person! I suspect she really is. But her life is busy beyond what you can imagine. Having been down that road, I can tell you that you're in for a lot of disappointment if you expect to be a high priority in her life. She simply can't put you ahead of her kids, and her job, and everything else her life demands of her. You're going to have to be happy taking a back seat to many other priorities in her life. You're going to have to be happy sitting home alone while she's working, or hanging out with her kids, or in my experience, spending time with the ex in-laws (that one really chaffed my butt). It takes an incredibly understanding man to date a single mom with three kids. Especially if you don't have kids yourself. And we haven't event gotten into the dynamics of a mixed family, where you'll end up being the odd one out (you don't have a genetic connection to anyone else in the family). I.e., "you're not my real dad!" You and this woman are looking for very different things in a partner. She's looking for someone to come in and fulfill an already defined role. You're looking for someone who has as much to give to you as you do to her. And you deserve such a person - but you're not going to find it with the woman you're describing, no matter how wonderful she is. Mixed families work (somewhat) when both people have kids of their own. Or when a woman has one kid and wants more. But without a genetic connection to at least some of the kids you're slaving away to raise, you're going to wind up resentful, wondering why you're sacrificing your life to raise someone else's offspring, who will resent you in spite all you do for them. My advice is to find a woman with no kids, or one at the most.
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 I have a child of my own and shes not looking for a person to fill the shoes of their daddy. They have a great dad, and her and him get a long well etc. I don't want more kids, and she can't have more kids. Im not an incredibly needy person and I do not expect her to ignore her kids and life for me. Thats not the issue here. I just wanted some advice on how to deal with such. Im not getting upset shes busy, I respect and admire that about her actually. All the women I've dated seriously, have never wanted to work and always depended on me for money etc. I knew going into this that things would be a bit rocky, but she got a promotion like 3 weeks ago and it took up more of her time so thats why we haven't seen each other. Shes always dated losers and degenerates from what my friends have told me, and I have a stable income and own my house. Im everything she wants/needs but shes just so damn busy we have no time to move any farther. Shes a wonderful mom and person so I do want to see where this goes. I just got out of a 5.5 year relationship that ended nasty, Im not in a rush to go jump right into something. So this is really perfect for me. We talk daily, she just never knows from one day to the next if shes going to have to work or not. Any advice on the busy part? The kids do not bother me, I love kids.
carhill Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 The busy part... Use your experience as a single dad and knowing how you have to get efficient to balance the roles in your life to offer suggestions, much like a man traditionally offers suggestions when seeking to date any woman, except in this case tailored to the efficiencies needed for a single parent. Then listen and don't take 'no's' or 'I'm busy' personally. Listen to the tone. Is it the tone of someone who wants to get together with you? Respects your role as a fellow single parent? How are they promoting their own efficiency? Continue to date other women. Eggs and baskets and all that. This fills your social calendar and leads to lower (and very appropriate!) expectations regarding any one particular person or interaction. Over time, a clear path with someone emerges, or none at all. It could be this nice lady, or someone else, or just having a great time in life with your child. However it works out, it works out. 2
todreaminblue Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 When two people care about each other regardless of time constraints, time will be made......it just needs to be sometimes sacrificed from both parties......on different occasions and it needs to equal in that giving of time.....if you care...you make time happen...you can do it...so can she ...i wish you well.....might take patience and understanding when a date or time gets re routed for another day ..it can be done..you sound like a patient understanding guy...good luck...deb
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 Well I guess i don't need advice no more. She texted me last night and told me shes too busy to date right now and don't think we have as much of a connection as I thought anyways. So back to the drawing board. Thanks all
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 That's great that you at least got some closure on that! Personally if I was dating a guy and I was too busy to see him often (which has been the case at times), I make it clear that he's still in my thoughts by being in touch daily and asking him if he's free on the times that I know my schedule is clear. If this scenario happens again in the future, I would say 'I understand we have opposing schedules and that's cool, let me know when you are free to meet' and continue to date others. That puts the ball back in their court, and if they are interested they'll be in touch when available. If they don't get back in touch then they're either not bothered, or they're too busy to ever be regularly dating anyway.
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Yea we still talked daily, and the conversation was a little less b/c of work and what not. I told her to let me know when she was free cause I can change my schedule whenever since im a freelancer. I guess she just wasnt as interested as she let on, but hey i respect her honesty and not stringing me along. 1
Recommended Posts