Kate22192 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Hey guys. I'll try to make a long story short...if you'd like to know the whole thing, you can look at previous posts of mine. But basically, my ex and I only went out 3-4 months. He left me in early/mid January, so it's now been that long since we've been apart too. No contact except for like 2 happy birthday texts back and forth in February. Friday night, my former housemates (I graduated college in December, they all are now graduating) threw their last house party thing in the townhouse I used to live in with them. My ex is friends with them as well, and he showed up. Initially, he evidently wouldn't even come upstairs; he was told I was there and didn't want to upset me. Ends up coming up, no eye contact, straight to one of the rooms. After some mild panicking, I say **** it, and go in the room. We say hello, how are you, a quick hug. And the night goes on. Later on we were sitting next to each other, and the whole time all I could think of was how ****ty it is that someone who used to be so important to me is now an acquaintance, someone I apologize too if I accidentally brush up against. Fast forward. End of the night. He goes to leave. Gives me a long hug, a quick kiss on the forehead. Basically, a grand goodbye forever gesture. And I'm hurting. I'm hurting so bad. I immediately cried to one of my roomies after he left. But I'm so upset with myself. We only dated 3 or 4 months. He left me. And it's been nearly 4 months since then. WHY am I not okay? WHY am I not over it, and he's so okay with everything? What's wrong with me?
sooshi Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 It's not too long, and it's okay that you haven't moved on yet. Why are you not okay? Let's dive into that question. Why do you think you're not okay? It could be that you still have feelings for him. Or you miss the idea of him. You miss the good times. You miss the companionship, the friendship, the closeness. You're still attached to him, most likely. There's nothing wrong with you, Kate. Breakups are hard. They're painful. He was so important to you, and yes, it does hurt that now is an acquaintance. The transition hurts. People interpret the breakup differently. Maybe he wasn't as emotionally invested as you were. My ex-fiance had moved on within days (literally). I still miss him, over four months later. Move along at your own pace. You're getting there, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Just posting here is a sign of your desire to heal.
Author Kate22192 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 sooshi, to answer your question...I think it's him, really, that I miss. Since breaking up, I've been involved with other guys. I was talking to one guy for like a month (till he randomly dropped off the face of the earth cause he's lame, haha), another guy and I went on a few dates but kind of fizzled out. With each of these occurrences, I felt bummed and upset. But RIGHT after the other night, it became painfully obvious to me that attaching feelings to them and being upset when they failed to go anywhere good was just copout after copout; a way to put my sadness elsewhere so as not to dwell over my ex. I miss him. I miss what we had, I hate that he didn't love me like I loved him. So many people have told me, it's been a while now, you weren't going out for long...get over it. And that feeling of not being "normal"....it's so hard.
Strength in Healing Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Sometimes when relationships get cut off early like yours did, it takes longer to move on because it was at a point of getting to know someone where everything still feels new, you haven't seen most of their flaws, you were just really getting to know them better, etc... It's like opening a new bag of oreos and only eating one. You know? Stay strong.
Itspointless Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 So many people have told me, it's been a while now, you weren't going out for long...get over it. And that feeling of not being "normal"....it's so hard. There is nothing abnormal about you. You are capable of loving, you can be proud of that. Not everyone knows how that can feel.
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