Life picks you up then slams you down

[TBM]

So I met an absolutely beautiful woman about two weeks ago. She is new to a company that my company deals with. We do not work together in any way. I saw no ring on her finger so I invited her to a networking breakfast as my guest. She came to the breakfast (on her day off) and looked absolutely beautiful. We talked and laughed and really hit it off. I had to go out of town for a week but suggested we have lunch this coming week. She accepted

 

 

We exchanged cell phone numbers and actually have been texting back and forth. Nothing major but a little flirty stuff here and there. She even texted me a pic of herself while she was out with her girlfriends the other night. Thanked her and told her how beautiful I think she is.

 

So we talked yesterday for a short time. I was getting back into town last night. This morning she texts me to see if I got home OK, etc. Asked her if she did anything fun on her Saturday night. She texts back that she went out to dinner with a guy she has been dating.

 

 

So having been kicked square in the kidneys I'm like "ah, oh, lucky guy." She responds that they hang out and that the guy isn't really sure he wants any commitment at this point. Her quote was "he's somebody to hang out with for now."

 

 

Being a single guy with nothing to lose, I say "I was sort of hoping lunch this week might turn into dinner soon but I didn't realize you were seeing someone." She acted surprised that I was interested in her. So we chatted for a bit before she was going to meet her mom for a shopping day. We ended the conversation very nicely and she has texted me a few times since then but damn Sam, I have no idea where to go from here.

 

 

Before this morning, I was super psyched that this girl and I were destined to, at the very least, have a few nights out together. She is smart, funny and really beautiful. My kidneys still hurt though.

 

 

help

[Haydaman712]

Hey breh. Hope I can help.

 

First. Stop asking women out to lunch that you are interested in. It tells them that you're safe and boring...friend material.

 

Second. Don't ever tell a girl you're attracted to her. No matter how insignificant it may seem. At least not until she's in love with you and you know it. Because now she knows that she can have you whenever she wants.

 

My suggestion. Cut off contact with her for a few days. See how she responds. If she contacts you first interpret it as her reaching out to you so that you can make a dinner date. If she doesn't contact you in about a week or so, contact her. Tell her it was great seeing her the other day and that she should let you know when she's free to grab dinner. And text her that as your first message.

 

Don't beat around the bush by saying "Hey what's up blahhddy blahdy blah". From her perspective she will immediately know that you want something from her. Don't build a relationship over the phone. So give it some time and then swoop in for the kill.

[somedude81]

This is a problem with women assuming that guys just want to be friends with them.

 

All you can do is try to be more obvious with your intent.

[saltyfishhead666]

Hey breh. Hope I can help.

 

First. Stop asking women out to lunch that you are interested in. It tells them that you're safe and boring...friend material.

 

Second. Don't ever tell a girl you're attracted to her. No matter how insignificant it may seem. At least not until she's in love with you and you know it. Because now she knows that she can have you whenever she wants.

 

My suggestion. Cut off contact with her for a few days. See how she responds. If she contacts you first interpret it as her reaching out to you so that you can make a dinner date. If she doesn't contact you in about a week or so, contact her. Tell her it was great seeing her the other day and that she should let you know when she's free to grab dinner. And text her that as your first message.

 

Don't beat around the bush by saying "Hey what's up blahhddy blahdy blah". From her perspective she will immediately know that you want something from her. Don't build a relationship over the phone. So give it some time and then swoop in for the kill.

 

 

That is total crap!! What on earth makes you think every woman has that agenda. Someone compliments me, I thank them and that's that.

 

Giving a woman a compliment is like saying hey I dig you and making her feel a little special.

 

Next you'll be saying it's not ok to slip the odd handsome to a man and compliment him.

 

Honestly I don't know if those rules work for you, but they bloody shouldn't

[TBM]

You guys pegged it. I always go the sweet route. I suspect I will hear from her sometime today.

 

 

Definitely need to make my intentions known. So what do I do about lunch this week? I know she wants to go. Is that where I make the push for a real date? Or do I make it clear before that?

 

 

Ordinarily I would bag it and move on, but when I met this girl, it was a lightning bolt moment.

 

 

why is nothing ever easy?

[saltyfishhead666]

You guys pegged it. I always go the sweet route. I suspect I will hear from her sometime today.

 

 

Definitely need to make my intentions known. So what do I do about lunch this week? I know she wants to go. Is that where I make the push for a real date? Or do I make it clear before that?

 

 

Ordinarily I would bag it and move on, but when I met this girl, it was a lightning bolt moment.

 

 

why is nothing ever easy?

 

Bag it and move on... I sure hope she doesn't read these forums.

[somedude81]

You guys pegged it. I always go the sweet route. I suspect I will hear from her sometime today.

 

 

Definitely need to make my intentions known. So what do I do about lunch this week? I know she wants to go. Is that where I make the push for a real date? Or do I make it clear before that?

 

 

Ordinarily I would bag it and move on, but when I met this girl, it was a lightning bolt moment.

 

 

why is nothing ever easy?

I'd suggest telling her something like, "Just so you know, I am interested in you and I'd like lunch to be a date. Are you OK with that?"

 

If she says no, or that she just wants to go as friends, then you have your answer

[TBM]

Bag it and move on... I sure hope she doesn't read these forums.

 

 

I'm sorry. Didn't mean that to sound so insensitive.

 

 

Just meant that I wouldn't ordinarily continue any pursuit if she said "sorry, I have a boyfriend."

 

 

Like I said, I got hit by a lightning bolt when I met her, then got hit by another one this morning. But I feel the need to press on here. She's in my head and I really want to go out with her.

[FitChick]

Be polite but cool things off. She knows how you feel. If she gets tired of the boyfriend she will call you IF she found you attractive. She may like you as a friend but physical attraction will set you apart. I don't mean you have to be handsome. Just some little spark can start a fire.

 

Meanwhile look to date others. If she mentions her boyfriend you will be able to say "I've just met someone. We'll see how it goes." Even if you haven't met anyone else, mention how your sister/neighbor/dentist wants to fix you up with a woman they know. Lie. But do not under any circumstances act hurt or bitter or snippy with her. Be nice to everyone she may come into contact with in case she says "He asked me out..." so they might say, "He's a really cool guy. You should go out with him."

[Gaeta]

So having been kicked square in the kidneys I'm like "ah, oh, lucky guy." She responds that they hang out and that the guy isn't really sure he wants any commitment at this point. Her quote was "he's somebody to hang out with for now."

 

She is giving you the red light to pursue her. She never said she had a boyfriend, she said this is a guy she dates-hangs-out with, that's not an exclusive relationship, that's casual dating.

 

She is fair play, may the best man win.

[TBM]

This is such a great site. Been really down all day.

 

 

So my takeaways here are, play it cool but make my intentions crystal clear.

 

 

As far as the attractiveness thing, I wouldn't have done anything here if I didn't think I was. Sure seemed like flirting to me but who knows.

 

 

I'll take all the help I can get on this one.

[TBM]

She is multi-dating. She isn't serious with anyone. She isn't in a relationship. She isn't married.

 

Ask her out for DINNER, show her a good time and keep asking her out till she says no.

 

This isn't complicated and I don't know why you would pass or move on cause she hangs out or dating someone else at the present moment.

 

 

Oh I have no intention of giving up. Just want to approach it the right way. As my thread title indicates, I was flyin high yesterday. Got caught off guard this morning. Really knocked me off center.

[TBM]

Well, we'll see what happens this week. Hopefully I can get it off the ground.