Valen Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 That and a man or woman can change their body with fair ease... Can't really alter your face unless you go under the knife Yup. It just makes logical sense.
Esoteric Elf Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Not sure about the looks portion, but it really seems that many girls are not on dating sites for romantic relationships (i.e. "only looking for friends", etc.); it may partially be for an ego booster. I recall how naive I was when I started. I read through every girls' profile that I messaged and sent a thought-out, five-to-six sentence message commenting on aspects of her profile. Never a reply. And, to reciprocate, girls that message me give me precisely what they say in their profiles that they do not want: "Hi!", "How are you?", "How was your day?", etc. I changed my profile picture to that of a model, and my message inbox has risen only slighly, as I have been consistently told that I am well above average in looks. Too difficult and tiring a topic to make meaningful generalizations on: you will have to take each profile case by case. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I've done the regular dating thing and even more OLD thing on a variety of sites over the years and all I have to say about OLD is that it's simply an enormous online shopping catalog! Very few men (in particular) bother to read women's bio/profile apart from her age and body type and maybe the activities she enjoys (depends on the site). They make snap decisions based on what they SEE with their eyes since that's all online is - it's ridiculously superficial. Just when you think you've found a cute one, literally a hundred more even cuter ones are just a click away. It's like letting a child with ADD loose in a candy shop for heaven's sake. Unfortunately there are no guaranteed methods for attracting more visitors to your profile and even fewer guarantees that will make them interested enough to send a message. The whole online dating genre is by nature a gamble. Of course there are always exceptions, both men and women but I think anyone who plays the OLD game should do so with a healthy dose of humor otherwise it can be disheartening at times. 1
FitChick Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 The free sites are full of bored people looking for ego validation or to pass the time. Check out pay sites to see what type of people are on there. Many niche dating websites are a good resource for people who want to have something in common right off the bat, i.e. Christian, Jewish, black, fitness.
jonsnuh Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 LOL! You have no idea how strange all of that sounds to people who do not online date. The crap you have to think about, take into consideration is mind boggling and sounds crazy. On top of that, everyone expects that you lied about your age, height, weight and the the pictures are from 5 years ago anyway. What do you do when meeting in real life, Pick a restaurant at certain time of day that has special lighting, magically loose 15 pounds, hold your head at a certain angle all night, etc. I would rather do the "cold approach" every day of the week and twice on Sundays over that nonsense. Hey I never said OLD wasn't vain. I simply meant that your success rates would increase if you were more attractive. It's all marketing first impressions. OLD isn't for everyone and from what I've gathered for the past 3 weeks, it's definitely not for me.
LustAppeal Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Sorry, me again. I think its hilarious that most men and i mean 90% of the men i look at online are looking for a gal that is "athletic and toned". HA, at my age there are some, but when you hit your 40's its not all toned. I have curves in all the right places and consider myself "average" thats not good enough for some of these guys. I never dated online. I always look for a toned(not skinny) girl for a reason... First off I am extremely outgoing and take great pride in keeping my body in good health. As a part of compatibility, I would like a girl who shares the same passions. If I am to be ridiculed for that, well you all have much to learn about dating, finding what attributes you truly want in a relationship, and so much more. That also goes for the people who think sexual/physical attraction is what holds a relationship together. As for most men out there, society has installed it in out brains that we are entitled to a gorgeous looking woman with a personality to die for... Is it true, hell no! And most men don't realize this until they're in mid 20's. We are not "Entitled" anything. Love does not Entitle you anything! You simply find what you truly want, when you find who you truly are... You cannot match passions, characteristics, values, and attributes until you stop lying to yourself and figure out what yours are! 1
irc333 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Women get SO many emails from men, you're just a number to them. What's surprising though, a woman who would pass you by online, may not have done the same in person. I see that I message them most of the time without a single reply. Yeah that takes away my chance of talking to them so I don't see what's wrong. But now I figure that are girls really too much about looks when it comes to giving guys at least ONE chance to talk to them? I even messaged a lot of girls who looked just as bad as me but those didn't respond. Not even the nerd type girls. Oh yeah, the girls that have committed to replying my message at least once, only 1 of them stopped replying after a 2nd message by me. That means that I was able to generate a good conversation. So that shows a little bit of personality right? Well, apparently, I have to admit, they are all better looking than me. However, they all deleted their accounts or probably found a date before I could even meet them. I am planning for a friendly meeting at 3PM with the most recent girl I've talked to.
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Women get SO many emails from men, you're just a number to them. What's surprising though, a woman who would pass you by online, may not have done the same in person. I don't know where you boys get that women get sooooo many emails. At the beginning, when you are fresh meat sure. Then you get 20+ per day After a few weeks you are lucky to get 5 a week! Believe it or no blokes aren't just a number to us ladies. 1
jonsnuh Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I like your ideas but people here get pissed. Look at all posts where people say say they met a girl or guy but they "staged" their photos, were from 5 years ago and felt mislead. I think you're missing the point again. I think everyone should be able to look their best, and it does make a difference when you're using a point and shoot compared to a DSLR, and if you're making an effort to look good vs. rolling out of bed.
AdrianCrawley Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 But now I figure that are girls really too much about looks when it comes to giving guys at least ONE chance to talk to them? Yes. I am surprised people don't seem to realize this.
Author Armegoggon Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) So these are the two biggest reasons girls do not reply my messages: 1) Looks. I may not look good enough according to most girl's standards. Those who have talked to me didn't give a crap about it. 2) The quantity of messages. My message would've been replied if I was the only message they received. I also started to remember that I saw a profile that said "I'm generally quite friendly and very interested in meeting new people" yet I messaged her 2-3 months ago without a reply lol. She had a 93% match. So even the highest of match% don't stand out. Why? Edited May 5, 2014 by Armegoggon
lino Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 They're very picky about looks in the real world so I doubt online dating is any different.
Snowman219 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 yeah girls on dating sites get absolutely bombarded with messages from guys. That's probably what you are running into. I made a fake profile on pof to get an idea of how bad it is, and you are talking over 20 messages per day. Well now we know why we can't get replies...
dispatch3d Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 If you search cajun attraction forums online dating it should bring you to the pua cajun, who made an ebook on online dating. He gave a link to his plenty of fish profile and said he averages 1-2 messages a day from girls and maybe once a week gets a girl who he thinks is hot enough to go out with. Keep in mind this is a guy who can pickup like mad at the bar, so he doesn't even have to be online at all. The fake profile I test that got at least 20 messages a day, I picked a girl that I thought was about an 8 in looks, had average pictures of herself (like just plain tshirt with her tounge sticking out in a selfie was one of them), and posted them with minimal description so that I wouldn't get people messaging just because they "had a connection". Like two people into dnd or something like that. Anyhow all I know is that in 5 days or so she received about 8x more messages than I had received total in like 4 years of me putting very little effort into pof. The account actually got closed after like 2 weeks when I hadn't replied to anyone and barely read any of the messages. 90% of the ones I did read were one sentence long with the same subject that it puts as a default when you quick reply.
Phoe Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I have never been too fussed about looks, and I wasn't fussed about looks on OLD. As long as everything is put together in the right spot and the guy appears to shower and clean himself, that's all I need. I also replied to every message that wasn't crude. If it was polite, I responded. Not all will have this same mindset, but I'm not the only one!
Phoe Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I don't know where you boys get that women get sooooo many emails. At the beginning, when you are fresh meat sure. Then you get 20+ per day After a few weeks you are lucky to get 5 a week! Believe it or no blokes aren't just a number to us ladies. I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel like the number of messages was such an intense exaggeration. I was getting about 8 or 9 messages a day. Easy to respond to. So I did.
dispatch3d Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 8 or 9 a day is still way more than guys get. Think about it, a guy who picks up girls for a living only gets 1 or 2 a day.
somedude81 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 8 or 9 a day is still way more than guys get. Think about it, a guy who picks up girls for a living only gets 1 or 2 a day. Dude, there is no point in trying to compare men to women in dating. You'll just give yourself a headache. In as long as I've been on OLD, I have never received a single reply or an unsolicited message. Granted my profile needed some work with the wording and a lovely lady helped me with it, I still had several good quality pictures up, and pictures are the main attraction. I don't even know if anybody has even actually even read anything that I wrote instead of closing my profile as soon as she saw my face.
somedude81 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Just sent another message. "You are a Giants and 49ers fan?! Are you from the Bay Area? I'm from there but I came to (this city) to finish up my degree. Have you tried Salsa dancing? It's really fun and easy to learn especially if the guy is pretty good. Swing dancing is also really fun. I've been taking classes for years. This is what her self-summary says ----------------------------------------------- Hi, I am a senior in college earning a degree in Business Management. Currently my life is full with school, work and sorority obligations but I would love to meet people outside of these circles! I always make time for the people I care about. I love trying new things and in the future I want to travel the world! A few of the places I want to go are Australia, Japan, Greece and Italy. I am looking for someone who is outgoing and willing to teach me something (whether it be surfing, rock climbing, dancing, or new foods). I am a SF Giants and 49ers fan. I grew up with these teams and I would be hard pressed to leave them. If you are a die hard Raiders fan, we were not meant to be. ----------------------------------------------- So who wants to be that she'll reply to that message? I'd say that she won't.
Candy_Pants Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I always read the profile before replying to the message. If I wasn't interested, I kindly said so. If I was interested, I kindly said so. Looks didn't have much to do with it.
Phoe Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 *sigh* my point was totally missed. At no point was I talking about comparing men or women, at no point did I suggest men are getting more than I did. How that might even be inferred from my message is beyond me... I was ONLY referencing the strange idea that women are so bombarded by messages that they can't even begin to keep up and respond to them. Because, in my case, that wasn't true. And in many other women's experiences, that just isn't true. I received a perfectly manageable amount, and responded to ALL except the 2 or 3 that were very crude in nature.
Candy_Pants Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Did you meet your Husband on a dating site? If so, I am surprised. You do not seem to be the online dating type. No, he's a long time friend. We met at church when we were 10. I started online dating as a random thing, quickly got turned off of it, then started again as a way to meet English speakers while living/traveling abroad. And funnily enough, I wasn't seen as "the type" on OLD and was constantly being accused of being fake!! 1
somedude81 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 *sigh* my point was totally missed. At no point was I talking about comparing men or women, at no point did I suggest men are getting more than I did. How that might even be inferred from my message is beyond me... I was ONLY referencing the strange idea that women are so bombarded by messages that they can't even begin to keep up and respond to them. Because, in my case, that wasn't true. And in many other women's experiences, that just isn't true. I received a perfectly manageable amount, and responded to ALL except the 2 or 3 that were very crude in nature. Dude, men are always trying to compete in anyway we can. Don't feel bothered by it. Did you see that message I sent to that girl? If you were her would your reply to it?
Candy_Pants Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I was ONLY referencing the strange idea that women are so bombarded by messages that they can't even begin to keep up and respond to them. Because, in my case, that wasn't true. And in many other women's experiences, that just isn't true. I received a perfectly manageable amount, and responded to ALL except the 2 or 3 that were very crude in nature. But it is true for some women, myself included. I don't think I'm insanely attractive, I'm definitely not most men's "type" physically, but I still received a lot of messages. The only ones I didn't respond to were sexual ones.
Phoe Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Did you see that message I sent to that girl? If you were her would your reply to it? Yes. You clearly read the profile, asked questions, and weren't rude or sexual. When I received messages like that, I kindly replied back with answers to those questions and read his profile and asked some questions about him to get conversation started. 1
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