gettingstronger Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Sounds complicated but you know-it doesn't matter- if you two truly love each other you will find your way through it-best of luck and keep on keeping on!
Davey L Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Simple thing, worked with me, don't know about DKT, is make him his dinner. When my wife was preparing my dinner each day I never doubted her love. When she didn't cook for me for some time, then I was doubting her. We men are such simple creatures! Well this one is at least.
revelations Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) DKT3, I really would give lovin a second chance. In most situations the WW gets off almost free from any consequences of the affair. Most of the time even in the aftermath they put very little effort into repairing the damage that they have done. In your case lovin paid a big price for her affair. Since she never wanted to lose you that divorce was probably devastating to her. To make matters worse she had to work on herself while she watched you dated other women. She had to swallow a lot of pride to keep her sights set on winning you back. Now I would not take her back blindly. I would inform her on exactly what you need to feel somewhat safe with her. I would make it clear that you will always question her and that whatever trust she does earn back it will never be restored to what it once was. Of course I would keep marriage off the table permanently and I would have a contract for even living together. Mainly I would cover my ass for all financial matters and as much of the emotional as possible. I will tell you that I am no real friend to a WW or even an xWW. What lovin has gone through in the hopes that you will return to her puts me in awe of her. If I was to give a percentage chance of her remaining faithful to you I would put it at about 99.7%. She has already paid a price that most WW's here would never even come close to being capable of doing. She is really one of the few WW's I have ever heard or read about that I can honestly say has earned a second chance. Edited May 6, 2014 by revelations spelling error 1
snappytomcat Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I wish you two the best of luck together,and lovin just know hes giving you the best gift anyone could ever receive,and that is a second chance,i truly do believe everyone deserves a second chance,and forgivness
Author lovinDKT3 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 I would like to ask Lovin , since you had to call the police and have your AP removed from your work place I would assume to he turned out to be not quite the decent and likeable chap you were happy to jump into bed with only a few months before .Was it the fact to he was putting pressure on you to move the relationship forward that scared you and if he hadn't have done that and would have been happy to keep things has they were IE being that fun person who gave you so much attention with no strings wouldn't the A have continued ? It was when I ended things with OM that he became odd. He never showed that side of himself before. I called the police because he was stalking me and wouldn't accept it was over. He would sit outside my business for hours at a time.
veritas lux mea Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I haven't been around lately but I want to say good luck to you two. Never stop working on yourselves and your relationship.
William Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) As promised, thread reviewed and returned to posting. As a reminder, please advise moderation of suspected violations of our guidelines rather than engaging the suspected violators on-forum. Use our ignore list. It works! Edited May 7, 2014 by William 6
Author lovinDKT3 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Simple thing, worked with me, don't know about DKT, is make him his dinner. When my wife was preparing my dinner each day I never doubted her love. When she didn't cook for me for some time, then I was doubting her. We men are such simple creatures! Well this one is at least. Little things can be difficult because we don't live together and we still go days where we don't see one another. Not very many anymore, like now I haven't seen him since Sunday but he should be here in a little while.
DKT3 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Sounds complicated but you know-it doesn't matter- if you two truly love each other you will find your way through it-best of luck and keep on keeping on! Complicated? What do you mean? Girl finds boy, boy falls madly in love, girl finds another boy give him what boy 1 thought was only his then........ok its complicated Its never funny, but humor is my nature. Thanks for you best wishes.
Author lovinDKT3 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Complicated? What do you mean? Girl finds boy, boy falls madly in love, girl finds another boy give him what boy 1 thought was only his then........ok its complicated Its never funny, but humor is my nature. Thanks for you best wishes. Not funny. ISYTL
Clay Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Lovin, Why would you want to be back with him now. I don't mean any disrespect but honestly if you needed to find someone else while you were with him what says you would not get bored again and look elsewhere? Wouldn't it be better to just have a great friendship from this and move on? Clay
Betrayed&Stayed Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 My A was never about passion or sex. Some may not believe it but sex was horrible with OM, I'm honestly not just saying that. It was the price I paid for the attention and validation I got from a man who made me #1 in his life. It was selfish and short sighted. I often thought why can't I have this with DKT. It was always him I wanted, I just wasn't getting that from him. It was my fault because I failed to communicate that to him. I avoided sex with OM, it wasn't what I needed from him, DKT was more then enough in that area. I just needed to feel important, it felt like I always came second to his career. My wife said the same thing about sex with her OM. Even though there was a strong attraction between them, she says the sex was not very good. She also said that the sex was not something that was lacking in our marriage. (BTW - I was traveling a lot during that time as well; home on weekends) With that being said, I can't allow myself to completely believe that. Let's assume that the sex was mind-blowing and he had the perfect cock, I doubt she would tell me that. She says it is true, but I've got to keep it real. (In the big picture, it doesn't really matter does it?) Let me ask you this question: if the sex with OM was "horrible", then why did you continue to have sex with him? Every sexual encounter was another stab in the back to your husband. For me, if the sex that my wife had with OM was "not great", then why pay the high price for so-so sex? Why not keep it EA? For women, do you have sex with OM just to keep the affair going? Was it obligatory sex? Honestly, I don't get it. I stopped trying to understand along time ago, but your comment piqued my interest again. I'm hoping you help me understand the mind-set of a cheating wife who has sex 8 times, but says it was "horrible". Thanks for posting your story on here. That takes courage. 3
txgrl Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 There's a member here by the name of Scott Thomas who I believe divorced his wife after her cheating and then remarried after five years . If my memory were serves me right, the wife was remorseful and wanting to do anything to get back together . Maybe you too can read his story and ask him questions too .
Fluttershy Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 My wife said the same thing about sex with her OM. Even though there was a strong attraction between them, she says the sex was not very good. She also said that the sex was not something that was lacking in our marriage. (BTW - I was traveling a lot during that time as well; home on weekends) With that being said, I can't allow myself to completely believe that. Let's assume that the sex was mind-blowing and he had the perfect cock, I doubt she would tell me that. She says it is true, but I've got to keep it real. (In the big picture, it doesn't really matter does it?) Let me ask you this question: if the sex with OM was "horrible", then why did you continue to have sex with him? Every sexual encounter was another stab in the back to your husband. For me, if the sex that my wife had with OM was "not great", then why pay the high price for so-so sex? Why not keep it EA? For women, do you have sex with OM just to keep the affair going? Was it obligatory sex? Honestly, I don't get it. I stopped trying to understand along time ago, but your comment piqued my interest again. I'm hoping you help me understand the mind-set of a cheating wife who has sex 8 times, but says it was "horrible". Thanks for posting your story on here. That takes courage. I don't get why this is so hard to believe? Her affair lasted quite a while. 8 times seems a small number. Not really hard to believe the number was small because she game sex to keep him. My H's affair was only a few months and they had sex far more than that. And they didn't have even as much oppurtunity as OP did. Sometimes affairs aren't about sex. Sometimes they are. It's not rocket science.
road Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 My wife said the same thing about sex with her OM. Even though there was a strong attraction between them, she says the sex was not very good. She also said that the sex was not something that was lacking in our marriage. (BTW - I was traveling a lot during that time as well; home on weekends) With that being said, I can't allow myself to completely believe that. Let's assume that the sex was mind-blowing and he had the perfect cock, I doubt she would tell me that. She says it is true, but I've got to keep it real. (In the big picture, it doesn't really matter does it?) Let me ask you this question: if the sex with OM was "horrible", then why did you continue to have sex with him? Every sexual encounter was another stab in the back to your husband. For me, if the sex that my wife had with OM was "not great", then why pay the high price for so-so sex? Why not keep it EA? For women, do you have sex with OM just to keep the affair going? Was it obligatory sex? Honestly, I don't get it. I stopped trying to understand along time ago, but your comment piqued my interest again. I'm hoping you help me understand the mind-set of a cheating wife who has sex 8 times, but says it was "horrible". Thanks for posting your story on here. That takes courage. WW's give up sex so the OM keeps meeting their emotional needs.
TheWalkingMan Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I protect her because I love her and I will not allow anyone to hurt her. Sounds slightly odd since I've hurt her more over the past 20+ years then anyone. In this case there was no need to do so though, she willingly came onto this forum to share her side of things.
Author lovinDKT3 Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 My wife said the same thing about sex with her OM. Even though there was a strong attraction between them, she says the sex was not very good. She also said that the sex was not something that was lacking in our marriage. (BTW - I was traveling a lot during that time as well; home on weekends) With that being said, I can't allow myself to completely believe that. Let's assume that the sex was mind-blowing and he had the perfect cock, I doubt she would tell me that. She says it is true, but I've got to keep it real. (In the big picture, it doesn't really matter does it?) Let me ask you this question: if the sex with OM was "horrible", then why did you continue to have sex with him? Every sexual encounter was another stab in the back to your husband. For me, if the sex that my wife had with OM was "not great", then why pay the high price for so-so sex? Why not keep it EA? For women, do you have sex with OM just to keep the affair going? Was it obligatory sex? Honestly, I don't get it. I stopped trying to understand along time ago, but your comment piqued my interest again. I'm hoping you help me understand the mind-set of a cheating wife who has sex 8 times, but says it was "horrible". Thanks for posting your story on here. That takes courage. For most women that have affairs its not about sex. Maybe for guys its sex driven. In a way I felt like I owed him sex. I can't speak for your wife, but that is my truth. Clay, I love him. Yes I messed up and had an A. I was confused, scared and hurt. I handled those feelings in the worse possible way. No it wouldn't be better to be friends. Harry, ISYTL is a long corny story. But its something that we have said to one another since we were teenagers. Term of endearment. I'm still your true love 4
bigman1 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Not T/J but sex is just different for men and women, as a general rule. I have never heard a man say that he felt that he owed a woman sex. I have heard it the other way around, as Lovin just said. Also, we men must be aroused to have sex, but not so for a woman. If anyone is going to challenge a woman about the sex they had and why they had it, you have to conceptualize of sex as a woman and not from a male perspective. end t/j. As I understand Lovin's position, to get her perceived needs met, she had to meet his perceived needs. I do note that OM only had sex 8 times, so sex was clearly not the foundation of that relationship but merely incidental to it. Honestly, what type of man only has sex 8 times in a year and then stalks a woman? Clearly, Lovin was not in a good headspace to have hooked up with that nutjob. IMHO. 1
Author lovinDKT3 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Not T/J but sex is just different for men and women, as a general rule. I have never heard a man say that he felt that he owed a woman sex. I have heard it the other way around, as Lovin just said. Also, we men must be aroused to have sex, but not so for a woman. If anyone is going to challenge a woman about the sex they had and why they had it, you have to conceptualize of sex as a woman and not from a male perspective. end t/j. As I understand Lovin's position, to get her perceived needs met, she had to meet his perceived needs. I do note that OM only had sex 8 times, so sex was clearly not the foundation of that relationship but merely incidental to it. Honestly, what type of man only has sex 8 times in a year and then stalks a woman? Clearly, Lovin was not in a good headspace to have hooked up with that nutjob. IMHO. I don't think I have relied to your comments directly yet, but we would like to thank you for how supportive you've been. DKT and I have been amazed by the support.
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