Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 So i have a date today with someone who has good potential and i want things to go good but i have issues with these questions: how long have u been single, why are u single, and what happened". The real answers are i've been single 3 years because my ex cheated on me then left me and he got me fired from my old job. Most people just have to deal with and recover from a breakup but i had to deal with breakup and job loss thanks to him so it took me more time to heal. Its still upsetting sometimes but i don't want to tell all of this on a first date so what do i say? Any advice would be helpful.
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 So i have a date today with someone who has good potential and i want things to go good but i have issues with these questions: how long have u been single, why are u single, and what happened". The real answers are i've been single 3 years because my ex cheated on me then left me and he got me fired from my old job. Most people just have to deal with and recover from a breakup but i had to deal with breakup and job loss thanks to him so it took me more time to heal. Its still upsetting sometimes but i don't want to tell all of this on a first date so what do i say? Any advice would be helpful. You don't have to explain yourself to your date. If they ask you can say oh I was just enjoying being single or I was too busy with my social life to date. Something that deep doesn't need to be spoken about on a first date, nor should you feel you HAVE too 6
Joaquin Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Standard response: I just haven't met the right person yet. How about you? 10
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 You don't have to explain yourself to your date. If they ask you can say oh I was just enjoying being single or I was too busy with my social life to date. Something that deep doesn't need to be spoken about on a first date, nor should you feel you HAVE too Good advice and thanks ! I just feel really weird with those questions because some people are extremely judgemental and to me it is still somewhat of a soft spot. U know some people are like what??? 3 years why that long and sometimes i just look at them confused thinking to myself if only u knew!!
Joaquin Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 It's just chit chat. I wouldn't over think it or get on the defensive. Its the sort of thing grannies always ask their still single 25 year old grandchildren. Get your standard response sorted and move the conversation on. 1
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 You should see men's face when I tell them I was single for 8 years. The real reason is way too personal to be shared over a first coffee I simply list all the things I have done during those years, invested in my career, raised my daughter, bought my home blahblahblah. 2
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 It's just chit chat. I wouldn't over think it or get on the defensive. Its the sort of thing grannies always ask their still single 25 year old grandchildren. Get your standard response sorted and move the conversation on. Ok, thanks
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 You should see men's face when I tell them I was single for 8 years. The real reason is way too personal to be shared over a first coffee I simply list all the things I have done during those years, invested in my career, raised my daughter, bought my home blahblahblah. Wow! But thats good because u had a lot going on. I don't have any kids and luckily it only took me a month to find a new job. Its better paying but i don't like it as much as the old one. I was just shocked that someone could be so evil so i was kinda fearful of dating because i don't ever want that type of man again!!!
HappyLove Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Wow! But thats good because u had a lot going on. I don't have any kids and luckily it only took me a month to find a new job. Its better paying but i don't like it as much as the old one. I was just shocked that someone could be so evil so i was kinda fearful of dating because i don't ever want that type of man again!!! Ok, that is in the PAST. Don't allow it to hold you back any longer. At this point you need to be excited about your date not still thinking about how you got fired 3 years ago. It's just not even relevant anymore. Stop giving it so much power.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 On the first date with my last long term ex I told him "Because I am complicated and I think I have some issues." He was like "Me too!" Then I psycho-analyzed him for the next 2 hours. He loved it. I can't stand canned first date talk like I have prepared answers for job interviews. 2
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Wow! But thats good because u had a lot going on. I don't have any kids and luckily it only took me a month to find a new job. Its better paying but i don't like it as much as the old one. I was just shocked that someone could be so evil so i was kinda fearful of dating because i don't ever want that type of man again!!! You come up with a generic answer: I spent that time with myself, I started a new job, grew closer to family (anything is good). It has to be positive. Also being single for 3 years is not a negative thing, it's a positive thing !! You are scared of the question because you view being single for 3 years as being negative. I don't date men that have not been single for at least 2 years. I hate coming across those men who've been out of a relationship 6 months ago. Strong independent people are not afraid of spending time alone. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Are you actually embarrassed by this? Single for three years that's NOTHING. Try 11! The look on their faces; they cannot fathom it! Then they realize hmmm weird woman, and leave, never to hear from again. When they ask me why? I say haven't founr the right man, but you can see on their faces that they're shocked. Are you afraid these men are going to judge you? Because if men judge on that basis alone, they're not worthy of your time. What do they expect a dating resume? See what your dating history is like? Actually i won't date someone who has been single for less than two yeare either. I wanna see how they've managed on their own..people who dive into a relationship even a year after kinda tell me they can't handle being alone. One guy that's interested in me doesn't mind that I've been single for as long as I have, mind you, he doesn't have a job...
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 You come up with a generic answer: I spent that time with myself, I started a new job, grew closer to family (anything is good). It has to be positive. Also being single for 3 years is not a negative thing, it's a positive thing !! You are scared of the question because you view being single for 3 years as being negative. I don't date men that have not been single for at least 2 years. I hate coming across those men who've been out of a relationship 6 months ago. Strong independent people are not afraid of spending time alone. Omg! U are so right!!! I don't see how people jump into relationship or get married afte knowing someone for only a matter of months other than them hating the fact of being alone. I hate it too but i'm not gonna rush into anything. And u are right i have viewed it as negative because after all that happened i felt worthless and as if i failed somehow but i shouldn't because i used the time to get focused. 1
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Are you actually embarrassed by this? Single for three years that's NOTHING. Try 11! The look on their faces; they cannot fathom it! Then they realize hmmm weird woman, and leave, never to hear from again. When they ask me why? I say haven't founr the right man, but you can see on their faces that they're shocked. Are you afraid these men are going to judge you? Because if men judge on that basis alone, they're not worthy of your time. What do they expect a dating resume? See what your dating history is like? Actually i won't date someone who has been single for less than two yeare either. I wanna see how they've managed on their own..people who dive into a relationship even a year after kinda tell me they can't handle being alone. One guy that's interested in me doesn't mind that I've been single for as long as I have, mind you, he doesn't have a job...[/quote Wow another good post. Yes i am afraid of what someone will think when i answer that question and taking what u say about a guy judgin off this alone and then cutting communication is what i worry about but tying into what u say if he is truly a MAN and is interested he should not judge me. My ex was one of those who got married after knowing/dating someone a few months and this was not the girl he cheated in me with someone totally new so this seems to be someone who can't be alone. In the 3 years we were apart...he was never alone!!!
soccerrprp Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Ugh, I can imagine the discomfort. When I first discovered and met my gf I thought why a woman in her 40s has never been married. I must admit it was a "soft" yellow-flag for me. I don't believe that people who are single for a long period of time or never married after a certain period of time have "healthy" reasons for such a drought. SOMETHING has kept you from not having a relationship and it is rarely "just because...." Too busy with a career, in a LT, dysfunctional relationship for too long or unhealthy perspective on relationships and what at a loss as to what a healthy one looks like, negative view of life, too selfish, too clingy, too bytchy, too introverted, too reclusive....etc. I find that dating in this day and age to be an adventure of dysfunction. For some people, and I am one, knowing your history matters. It can tell me a lot about YOU and the types of people YOU date. How YOU view relationships and perhaps, after a while, whether the problem is your past or YOU. I have dated some very put together women. But, not one of them had/has a positive relationship with their exes. In fact, some of them continue to have some relationship out of bedgrudging necessity. I truly hope, for their sake, that once that necessity is no longer present that they cut themselves off completely, no exceptions. It's amazing how some keep connected to exes that are clearly destructive in their lives. Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with such questions. We all need to assess whether someone is worth the trouble. If you don't like it, you simply walk away. But, understand where the other person may be coming from. In some instances, they may be asking you such questions b/c it is something that they have gone through and want to desperately avoid.
AdrianCrawley Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 So i have a date today with someone who has good potential and i want things to go good but i have issues with these questions: how long have u been single, why are u single, and what happened". The real answers are i've been single 3 years because my ex cheated on me then left me and he got me fired from my old job. Most people just have to deal with and recover from a breakup but i had to deal with breakup and job loss thanks to him so it took me more time to heal. Its still upsetting sometimes but i don't want to tell all of this on a first date so what do i say? Any advice would be helpful. Lie, like everyone else does. Just tell a beautiful lie : "I haven't met the right person yet." To be honest, I don't know ANY single women. If they're not married, or they don't have boyfriends, at least they have either some friend with benefits, either they're thinking of someone, so they're still not single. I'm just saying what I see, I for one can't get a date to save my life.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I am frustrated in general with dates being like an interview. How I would like to respond to someone who asks "Why are you still single?" would be "because dates always turn in to interviews with questions like I am trying out for a position. That shows me how the rest of the relationship will go. I'm not looking for another job." I get that those questions may enter someone's mind, they enter mine as well , especially when someone seems too good to be true, but there are better ways to get to know someone then sitting down with a list of questions looking for answers that you know are coming. How can that date or experience be fun? I have been asked that question, but it was more in jest as me and a gal are having a good time and we just look at each other and say, "how is it you are single?" being so formal in the dating process is really a turn off for me towards even trying to date. Im one for not even looking but do keep my head up and eyes open incase someone crosses my path.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Be glad your rid of him then. Once you start being independent people like your ex will seem very clingy and clingy people are UNATTRACTIVE. Plus, earlier i had a thread about would you date a woman who has been single for 11 years? Not one said No i would not. Most would wonder why, but that wouldn't be a deal breaker. Strong woman who know what they want is an attractive quality to the right man. In fact they're the type of woman they'll have to work even harder for! Channel your inner joan of man men.
Treasa Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Standard response: I just haven't met the right person yet. How about you? This, or, "I don't know. They keep disappearing." And then toss him a creepy side glance. 2
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Lie, like everyone else does. Just tell a beautiful lie : "I haven't met the right person yet." To be honest, I don't know ANY single women. If they're not married, or they don't have boyfriends, at least they have either some friend with benefits, either they're thinking of someone, so they're still not single. I'm just saying what I see, I for one can't get a date to save my life. Thanks but i am 100% single i don't do friends with benefits Thats just not me! 1
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 I am frustrated in general with dates being like an interview. How I would like to respond to someone who asks "Why are you still single?" would be "because dates always turn in to interviews with questions like I am trying out for a position. That shows me how the rest of the relationship will go. I'm not looking for another job." I get that those questions may enter someone's mind, they enter mine as well , especially when someone seems too good to be true, but there are better ways to get to know someone then sitting down with a list of questions looking for answers that you know are coming. How can that date or experience be fun? I have been asked that question, but it was more in jest as me and a gal are having a good time and we just look at each other and say, "how is it you are single?" being so formal in the dating process is really a turn off for me towards even trying to date. Im one for not even looking but do keep my head up and eyes open incase someone crosses my path. Right the date should be comfortable for both people and not an interrogation.
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Be glad your rid of him then. Once you start being independent people like your ex will seem very clingy and clingy people are UNATTRACTIVE. Plus, earlier i had a thread about would you date a woman who has been single for 11 years? Not one said No i would not. Most would wonder why, but that wouldn't be a deal breaker. Strong woman who know what they want is an attractive quality to the right man. In fact they're the type of woman they'll have to work even harder for! Channel your inner joan of man men. I 've had some to be as judgemental to assume that i'm gay because i've been single. I think thats over the top to assume that and a bit close minded for someone to assume that so thats when i feel like i need to tell what happened with my ex but i don't want to.
Author Sweett Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 This, or, "I don't know. They keep disappearing." And then toss him a creepy side glance. Ha! Then they will think i'm psycho 2
BC1980 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Just in general, I get tired of that question from people who don't know me that well. People look at you like you like there must be something wrong because I'm 33 and have never been married. Yet I look around and see so many dysfunctional marriages and relationships. Somehow, they are better than me??? 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 So i have a date today with someone who has good potential and i want things to go good but i have issues with these questions: how long have u been single, why are u single, and what happened". The real answers are i've been single 3 years because my ex cheated on me then left me and he got me fired from my old job. Most people just have to deal with and recover from a breakup but i had to deal with breakup and job loss thanks to him so it took me more time to heal. Its still upsetting sometimes but i don't want to tell all of this on a first date so what do i say? Any advice would be helpful. Good advice and thanks ! I just feel really weird with those questions because some people are extremely judgemental and to me it is still somewhat of a soft spot. U know some people are like what??? 3 years why that long and sometimes i just look at them confused thinking to myself if only u knew!! If they are extremely judgemental honey you wouldn't want to be dating them anyway. Although most people will understand that you don't go too in depth. Heck I'm 26, have two children by two dads and I'm divorced... I wouldn't be telling my date my back story off the get go even if I'm not responsible for half the tosh that happened. You don't owe your date anything. So relax and tell as much as you choose too. Everyone's got a past 1
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