Good husband and I want out

[sameoldthing]

Thanks GUYS. Am on my phone so can't seem to double quote. I would never bring a child into this marriage at least in this current stage so no problem there. We ve spoken of that.

 

I know I need to first set a stronger foundation for myself as I have no money of my own so that's why I decided to apply for a job and managed to get a temporary contract of 6 months to fill in for someone else. I'm happy with this because at least it'll give me faith in my own abilities.

 

Yes, he isn't perfect. It's easy for me to say that because he is so good, and has taken a lot of stress from me but on the other hand, he criticised me to no end at the beginning of our marriage.

 

He has a high stress job, banking and i suppose always brings that stress home. well used to. I don't think I have forgotten how much he used to bring me down. I think I justified it as i wasn't working or contributing to finances and when i decided i wanted to, my father pressured me out of it by giving me money. He felt I was too ill and emotional to work! I accepted the money. I blame myself. Whenever he gets defensive he would tell me off in public or soemthing but then I'd defend that by saying i am such a difficult person anyway, can I fault him for having flaws? I dont know. He has been good recently in that he is more in control of his own defensive nature and isnt pigeon holing me as someone who can't be trusted to finish anything as I had been before.

 

I am trying to change all that by starting this contract job in the next month. It pays okay but I hope it might lead somewhere and help me with my self esteem, that I am more than an emotionally disturbed 29year old wife that has done nothing with her life in the past several years.

 

He was happy that I got work. I feel guilty not telling me what I feel but it's not the time now. I need to work on myself so that I don't blame everything on my marriage.

[soccerrprp]

I know I need to first set a stronger foundation for myself as I have no money of my own so that's why I decided to apply for a job and managed to get a temporary contract of 6 months to fill in for someone else. I'm happy with this because at least it'll give me faith in my own abilities.

 

Good for you! Do what interests you and make some money while doing it. DO NOT RELY on your husband for all of your financial needs. You NEED AND WANT to maintain some independence.

 

Yes, he isn't perfect. It's easy for me to say that because he is so good, and has taken a lot of stress from me but on the other hand, he criticised me to no end at the beginning of our marriage.

 

Stop treating him like he is. STOP IT! It is clear that he is not and you putting him on a pedestal will wreak further havoc on your relationship, your own self-worth and ironically, put undue pressure/stress on him. Treat him for what he is...an ass sometimes, a good guy, most. BUT, DO NOT OVER-SIMPLIFY and MINIMIZE his short-comings to the point that you make them unimportant.

 

He has a high stress job, banking and i suppose always brings that stress home. well used to. I don't think I have forgotten how much he used to bring me down. I think I justified it as i wasn't working or contributing to finances and when i decided i wanted to, my father pressured me out of it by giving me money. He felt I was too ill and emotional to work! I accepted the money. I blame myself. Whenever he gets defensive he would tell me off in public or soemthing but then I'd defend that by saying i am such a difficult person anyway, can I fault him for having flaws? I dont know. He has been good recently in that he is more in control of his own defensive nature and isnt pigeon holing me as someone who can't be trusted to finish anything as I had been before.

 

Hi stress job or no, he knew and knows what he got himself into. Absolutely not an excuse to take it out on you! PERIOD! His inability to deal with such stress and the manner in which he responds is indicative of what kind of personality, person he is. This is not just his job, this is the way he deals with stress and you need to be aware of this. Do not provide excuses for his crappy behavior.

 

 

He was happy that I got work. I feel guilty not telling me what I feel but it's not the time now. I need to work on myself so that I don't blame everything on my marriage.

 

Good. This SHOULD help ease some of his stress, but do not wait much longer to tell him how you feel. Too many people, especially you ladies, tend to sweep things under the carpet when there is a glimmer of light only to find yourselves back into the darkness soon enough b/c you didn't stand up for yourself earlier on.