I just found out my ex was a hooker

[tlegend]

I don't even know where or how to explain this. All I know....is that I'm so sad....

 

 

She came back to me professing her love for me and how she couldn't go on without me.

 

Then, come to find out, it was just all bull****.

 

I don't even know where to begin......what did I do? How did this happen?

 

I have no words.............

[Candy_Pants]

So why was it bull? Hookers can love.

[tlegend]

I agree. I know they can love.

 

But to lie about something like that, how can I ever trust anything ever again from her? Seriously.

 

EDIT: This is ****ing real. I'm not ****ing kidding. Apparently....everyone in this ****ing city knows I was dating a hooker, EXCEPT me.

 

I'm so lost right now. I don't even know what to do.

[Candy_Pants]

Well it was her decision to lie (or at least omit the truth). It doesn't reflect on you.

 

Was she "working" while dating you?

[redbaron005]

Then, come to find out, it was just all ...

 

Well she was the dumper, what makes you believe her statements coming back were insincere? I mean she is really putting aside her shame of her job to try to build trust with you.

[tlegend]

Well she was the dumper, what makes you believe her statements coming back were insincere? I mean she is really putting aside her shame of her job to try to build trust with you.

 

I really don't know.

 

I am beside myself right now. I'm going to exit this situation, and never look back.

 

I wish I never met her.

[No Limit]

... Wow.

 

Get tested for STDs, really.

[tlegend]

To be completely honest, I just don't know much about the entire situation. What I do know is that words and actions do not meet. Things didn't add up, and although I know I have my own demons and problems...I realize that I have put myself into this situation.

 

I'm getting STD tested to make sure everything is ok. After which, I will refuse to entertain her existence and/or have sexual relations for a LOOOONG time. I just don't know.......

 

I do feel like I should seek out therapy....for more reasons than just how I ever arrived to this juncture. Maybe it's me who has the problem...for more reasons than I care to explain.

 

After that...... I'm done. I simply do not want, nor care, for a relationship ever again.

 

This has scared me beyond belief. I know that I've made some stupid decisions in my life, probably moreso than good decisions, but at this point....I just want to run away and not look back.

 

And I'm going to prepare myself to never let someone that close to me again....until its proven that they I'm ready for it....as much as they are. I do, however, doubt the authenticity of our "romance" as much as I doubt the "love" we had. I think it was just words.

 

This will also mark the end of my stay here on loveshack. I simply can't read about relationships when I clearly have no clue how to be in one, or pick someone who I feel safe with.

 

Does anyone have any advice for me? I don't know what to do. I'll check this thread for replies for a day or two, but then, I must admit I do not intend to come back.

Edited May 5, 2014 by tlegend

[Smilecharmer]

Ok, breathe. You are understandably upset. When was she a hooker? For how long? How did you find out? How did everyone else find out? Is she contrite? Did she tell you herself? Did she quit way before you met? Was she trying to provide for her children? Was it her only recourse for survival?

[Leigh 87]

How do you expect many young women to pay their way through college? You DO realise that minimum wage jobs often don't afford basic shelter PLUS enough food? Would you rather your ex starved and/or missed out on a college degree? Would you have preferred a girlfriend who would have likely been stuck flipping burgers her entire life due to NOT affording food, shelter and college tuition?

 

How would you like it if your only hope in life was to flip burgers for a living because you couldn't afford college tuition on minimum wage?

 

Would you enjoy being on minimum wage all your life in joyless, non professional jobs?

 

Do you realise that MANY... Many young college students simply cannot afford a roof over their heads or enough food to survive on EVEN if they work full time on minimum wage? What are they supposed to do, never get a college degree and accept a sub par life working minimum wage? MANY hookers simply want a college education and to go and get a NORMAL job! If a person has the intelligence to get a degree and get out of poverty, what is wrong with opting to be a hooker OPPOSED to NEVER being able to receive a proper education?

 

Walk a mile in their shoes and see how YOU would feel about not being able to afford food or shelter. Many people would perish from starvation if it wasn't for the sex industry. Many of them are hard working individuals who have the capacity to go to college and get degrees and then go on to eventually finding a job. They resort to prostitution because it is either; college or being stuck flipping burgers their entire lives. I am sure there is a good chance that your ex is very damaged from the sex industry and she WISHES she could have put herself through college with a normal low wage job.

 

In my humble opinion, it is WHY she resorted to prostitution that determines whether or not she is a quality person. Some Quality people HAVE to resort to prostitution or else they would STARVE.

 

MANY college graduates would NEVER get out of their Wal-Mart jobs UNLESS they had to resort to prostitution.

[Charlie Harper]

Leigh 87 I agree on most of your post, but that is no reason for her to with held the information... She was lying. Maybe if she told him he would have dumped her and don't feel like he does.

 

One thing is hookin´ other is lying...

[Grumpybutfun]

To be completely honest, I just don't know much about the entire situation. What I do know is that words and actions do not meet. Things didn't add up, and although I know I have my own demons and problems...I realize that I have put myself into this situation.

 

I'm getting STD tested to make sure everything is ok. After which, I will refuse to entertain her existence and/or have sexual relations for a LOOOONG time. I just don't know.......

 

I do feel like I should seek out therapy....for more reasons than just how I ever arrived to this juncture. Maybe it's me who has the problem...for more reasons than I care to explain.

 

After that...... I'm done. I simply do not want, nor care, for a relationship ever again.

 

This has scared me beyond belief. I know that I've made some stupid decisions in my life, probably moreso than good decisions, but at this point....I just want to run away and not look back.

 

And I'm going to prepare myself to never let someone that close to me again....until its proven that they I'm ready for it....as much as they are. I do, however, doubt the authenticity of our "romance" as much as I doubt the "love" we had. I think it was just words.

 

This will also mark the end of my stay here on loveshack. I simply can't read about relationships when I clearly have no clue how to be in one, or pick someone who I feel safe with.

 

Does anyone have any advice for me? I don't know what to do. I'll check this thread for replies for a day or two, but then, I must admit I do not intend to come back.

 

 

Tlegend, I truly am sorry for the pain you are experiencing right now. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through and am disheartened to see some posters making jokes at your expense. This is a tragedy and I completely understand why you feel you can't trust again.

Honestly, the only thing you can do is disengage from her and the situation. I think there are some lies you can't overcome, there are some pasts you can't forget. I think it is important for you to think about red flags or signs that maybe you ignored, think about things you might have thought of as off, because that will help you to see that your gut was on track, but you wanted to deny it because of the instant gratification of her love and a possible future.

I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't be alone with what is in your head right now. Talk to a friend, a mentor, a spiritual advisor, a professional because this is the stuff that makes people lose faith in humanity. I truly hope you find peace, brother. You are truly in my thoughts.

Deepest regrets for you,

Grumps

[tlegend]

@ smilecharmer - What does that matter?

 

@ Leigh87 - It's not her profession I have a problem with. It's the fact that I have no idea what is true and what isn't anymore. I only know what is told to me or what I have seen with my eyes. And most of everything in everyone's lives is a matter of perspective. I.e. a wife buying hotel rooms in cash so it doesn't show up on a receipt to surprise her husband can be seen as someone trying to cover an affair from the husbands point of view if he stumbled across her in public...leaving the hotel and having a "nothing" response to the question "hey, were you at XXX hotel?". Bad example but I hope you get the point.

 

And secondly....had she told me this was her only way of making money, I would ****ing work my ass off and find another way to put her through school.

 

@ Charlie - If she would have told me from the beginning.... I would have had reservations...however... I would definitely have respected the fact that she told me. It would have proved she has more character than I can fathom, and that would impress me more than drive me away.

 

@ Grumpy - Thank you for your kind words. I guess, now that I really sit and dwell on everything, I can understand how I got myself into this. And to be fair, I did take out my frustration and anger of not understanding specific cues that lead me to believe she wasn't who she said she was....on her. Worse yet, I fear my choices and mistakes have lead to punishments to people in my life that I love. I even think it's very possible that I have permanently caused grief and havoc in some people's lives...and I have no idea how I can even BEGIN to repair that.

 

Thank you all for your words. I'm sorry I'm airing out my dirty laundry on a ****ing public forum, but the words of the many sometimes are better than my own distorted views.

 

And to answer a question previously asked...it was a gas station clerk who decided to take pity on me and tell me what I got into, and thankfully, not in as many words.

 

I also realize that I may suffer from BPD tendancies after really reading a lot about it. And that's just another thing on my plate that scares me. I'll deal with this if I get diagnosed by a professional. I think I'm fine and I've just done some dumb ****...but who knows. Maybe I'm just bat**** crazy. Or schizo.

 

I have to distance myself from those I hurt...and I have to distance myself further from those I love at this moment....or so that's how I feel.

 

I feel like I'm living in a glass bowl. I know that I tried to lie and impress her early on in dating....even retarded white lies like knowing how to fix cars other than maintenance and whatnot. I even have come to the point of realizing that I am probably worse off than I thought...as far as it comes to who i had become as a person. My morals, my values. They ...at this point, are a fluid concept...and at a time where most people have defined who they are in this world....and in society...I feel like my world is in bits and pieces...and I have NO CLUE how to put them back together, or even if I want to at this point.

 

Thanks again for everything....

Edited May 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Candy_Pants]

I don't believe you answered my question. Was she "working" while with you?? Or did she just lie about her previous occupation?

[Tressugar]

I think this dilemma is more common than we think!!! I heard through the grapevine that someone found out his wife is a CL prostitute!

 

 

How do like 'em apples?!

[Hobbes' wagon]

While I haven't been in the exact same situation, I understand the feeling of betrayal, being lied to and people around me knowing what I didn't know. So I fully understand your shock and feeling of disorientation / being lost at the moment, not knowing which way is up and which down.

 

I am, however, extremely glad you brought up the idea of counselling -> yes, find a good one, and they will help you! Counselling has helped me tremendously.

 

Also, I'm dealing with certain psychological issues at the moment and I just started taking medications, and it gets better, whatever it is...

 

Last two thing:

- don't stop coming here permanently. Take a break, sure, but eventually do give it another try, maybe just viewing the "break-up" forum to have a place to vent, or the "health" section, so we can help you deal with the fallout of everything etc.

- taking a break from relationships sounds great and I fully endorse you! It's been years since I've been in a relationship and at the moment I cannot fathom being in another one, because I'm not ready. But I'm still allowing myself the possibility that someday I will be ready for another one. Probably will never let anyone as close again, but that's ok, I can have a relationship where I guard myself better and still be happy in the relationship.

 

"When you're going through hell, keep going"

 

We're here for you! Best wishes and kindest regards

[tlegend]

@ candy_pants - I do not know. I really don't want to think about that.

 

@ tresugar - I feel that if a marriage happened and he had no idea she was a CL prostitute....then it was a marriage based on lies and he should run for the hills.

 

@ Hobbes - Counseling is definitely on my plate.

[No Limit]

The scariness will wear off in time. You picked a girl, and picked the wrong one. Just remember that not all are like this.

[Smilecharmer]

Ok, breathe. You are understandably upset. When was she a hooker? For how long? How did you find out? How did everyone else find out? Is she contrite? Did she tell you herself? Did she quit way before you met? Was she trying to provide for her children? Was it her only recourse for survival?

 

 

I asked these questions because it helps to talk things out and get perspective on things. It helps to know why, when, where and how so you can get closure and move forward.

[tlegend]

I asked these questions because it helps to talk things out and get perspective on things. It helps to know why, when, where and how so you can get closure and move forward.

 

Unfortunately, I do not believe I will EVER know the details to everything.

 

The last communication I had was telling her I didn't love her. After that, it was some guy responding to me telling me to stop texting his girl.

 

I simply awestruck in how everything transpired, and how awful I feel about falling in love with someone who was a complete fake...or at least fake about who SHE was.

 

I thought I knew her. I realize, I didn't know ****..and I was just an idiot.

 

Worst part about it is that I feel this has damaged my professional life and I really do feel like I should move to a different city..or back home...and forget this ever happened.

 

...along with seeing a therapist.

 

The scariness will wear off in time. You picked a girl, and picked the wrong one. Just remember that not all are like this.

 

I simply don't know what to say. I knew this girl for years and I only found out recently. The fact that she couldn't tell me this herself just shows how incredibly unreliable she is for information, and I have absolutely no respect for someone who can't be real with me. Was she "working" while we were together? That's the question that makes me not want to speak with her again. As I thought that getting txt messages "from her ex" were wierd when they said "oh I miss you and I wish you were here"....I now realize...I don't think they were from exes. I think they were her ..."dates".

 

And I let this bitch into my home..and my heart.

 

Never. Never again.

Edited May 6, 2014 by tlegend

[Hobbes' wagon]

I can imagine your pain and everythings. One of the things my ex did was that she messed around with a guy who could give her a discount for something she needed for her project she was working on. Later, when I connected the dots, I just felt so... I can't even find the words.

 

We're here for you, keep venting and talking, and we'll try to help, and at the very least listen!