Author acidrein_08 Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 YOU ALL SHE JUST CALLED AND I DIDN'T ANSWER IT. WHY DID I DO SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT. SHE DIDN'T LEAVE A VOICEMAIL OR NOTHING AND NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO. IMMEDIATE ADVICE IS NEEDED!
FolderWife Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 First, calm down. This is a GREAT thing. It shows her that you aren't waiting around for her call. Pretend the call didn't happen. She'll call back. She's probably kicking herself, thinking, "GREAT! Now he's going to know that I wanted to talk to him, and he'll think I'm desperate." OOOOOOOOOOoh, this is perfect
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 lol Monday, you make me smile
FolderWife Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Just play it cool. She'll call back. It might be a week, but she'll call back.
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 I forgot to mention today was supposed to be our 1 year and 3 month anniversary. She probably called because of it and I feel really bad for not answering. I think I should call her tonight becuase I know I would want her to answer if I called.
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 You all I just got off the phone with her. She called again and I didn't want to ignore her. I'm glad I didn't becuase she really needed me. She found out today that her grandma had cancer and she was really upset. So I tried to comfort her and cheer her up (I was with a bunch of friends watching the game) and then our phone cuts out. So I call her back and then I tell her about the game and that i'm going to go. So then she says she wants me to call her later and I said okay. SO WHAT DO I SAY WHEN I TALK TO HER TONIGHT? WHAT DO I DO YOU ALL! HELP!! FAST!!
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 So I called her back tonight and we talked for an hour. We talked about each others days and acted like we were fine again. Then things got a little more serious and we started to talk about how we felt. She cried almost the whole conversation and told me she Loved me (to which I didn't reply) and said she missed me. I asked her if she sees us ever together again and she says she can. We about got off a couple times but she never would hang up the phone. She thought I was mad and didn't want me to be. I asked her why she cared and asked if it it was just pity? She said no. I asked if it was becuase she thought I was mad and she said no. Before we got off she asked me if I would promise her something. She said promise me that you will call me tomorrow the first time you think of me. And I told her that I think about her all the time, even when I wake up and she said promise me. I asked why and she said she wanted to know when I thought about her. So I asked her to promise the same, and we said sweet dreams and good night and got off. So what do I do? I will read this in the morning so hopefully someone will reply becuase I know she will be on my mind and I want to call her. NEED ADVICE!
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by acidrein_08 You all I just got off the phone with her. She called again and I didn't want to ignore her. I'm glad I didn't becuase she really needed me. She found out today that her grandma had cancer and she was really upset. So I tried to comfort her and cheer her up (I was with a bunch of friends watching the game) and then our phone cuts out. So I call her back and then I tell her about the game and that i'm going to go. So then she says she wants me to call her later and I said okay. SO WHAT DO I SAY WHEN I TALK TO HER TONIGHT? WHAT DO I DO YOU ALL! HELP!! FAST!! if you really have to call her back DO NOT MENTION YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT ALL! just give her support for her grandmother and avoid getting into any discussion about you two!
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by acidrein_08 So I called her back tonight and we talked for an hour. We talked about each others days and acted like we were fine again. Then things got a little more serious and we started to talk about how we felt. She cried almost the whole conversation and told me she Loved me (to which I didn't reply) and said she missed me. I asked her if she sees us ever together again and she says she can. We about got off a couple times but she never would hang up the phone. She thought I was mad and didn't want me to be. I asked her why she cared and asked if it it was just pity? She said no. I asked if it was becuase she thought I was mad and she said no. Before we got off she asked me if I would promise her something. She said promise me that you will call me tomorrow the first time you think of me. And I told her that I think about her all the time, even when I wake up and she said promise me. I asked why and she said she wanted to know when I thought about her. So I asked her to promise the same, and we said sweet dreams and good night and got off. So what do I do? I will read this in the morning so hopefully someone will reply becuase I know she will be on my mind and I want to call her. NEED ADVICE! acidrein_08 you are not listening or acting upon the advice that we are giving you! what more can anyone say to you? she is manipulating your emotions and you are falling for this everytime because you choose to let her
Grinning Maniac Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Ughhhh....acid, what the hell? I literally slapped my forehead when you had the lonnnnnnnnnnnng emotional call with her after making the good progress of NOT answering her phone call before. You are screwing up, man. Trust us on this. I know it's hard to do this. NC is always hard in the beginning. But it's the best thing to do. More than likely, now that you think she sees you two back together "someday", you're going to keep pestering her about when "someday" is coming, and blow it completely with her. Example, I've tried telling my ex how I've felt once or twice since we broke up. Guess where it's gotten me? NOWHERE. It has only caused her to slowly back of more and more. She used to instant message me the *second* I came online. Since we broke up, we only talk if I intiate things, and I'm lucky to get much out of her then. So I've let her go. No contact. I'm taking this time for myself. If she ever decides she's interested in trying things again, then she knows my number. But until then I'm patching up and moving on. There's a whole world for me out there and I'm not going to stay in my room wishing she was still part of mine. If she sincerely wants you back someday, and you're still at a point in your life where you want her too, when that day comes SHE will find YOU. She dumped you. Let the ball be in her court for now. Go live your life and recover from the break up instead of trying to keep in constant contact out of the fear that if you miss one day of communication, she'll vanish into another dimension. Letting her go puts you back in control of your life. If she *never* calls you again, then that's still a WIN for you. It spared yourself a life of chasing a girl with whom you'd never recapture what you once had. Listen to the LSers...bitch. *punches you in the chest*
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 But I didn't pour out my emotions on her. I didn't cry at all. It was her that cried almost the whole time and was apoligizing for things. But she still kept saying it was for the best it was just so hard right now. I will call her back only becuase I promised but I won't say anything about our relationship. You all said that to wait until SHE called me, SO I did. I'm not the one running back to her here. Just wish me luck ..
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Gawd we talked this morning and she was all excited about it. I stayed cool and didn't say anything about our relationship and got off the phone with her. But she called me back like a minute later and was laughing saying she couldn't help but call me. So we kept talking for a bit, and then I was tired of it and I asked her if she was playing with my emotions. To that I think she was hurt becuase she started apoligizing for calling me and not leaving me alone and said she wasn't trying to play with them. So I was like okay and then we got off. I listened to your advice people and acted like I didn't need her but before she was going to call me later today and now I might never talk to her. What good is this. If she is wanting to talk to me then why should I reject her? She said something about us going back out and that I would think she would break up with me again but I didn't hear her and didn't ask. So now i'm going to go back to my hurt self, this is what you all wanted?
upsetnhurt Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Are you content with being her friend and nothing more acid If so, that is what you are going to get if you continue to amuse her by being her shoulder to cry on.........I know you care and she knows it to. It is she who decided to take a break and it is she who needs to determine just how important you are to her in her life. Did you ever hear of the saying "Why buy the milk when you can get it for free?". Think about it and realize that you are the "milk" and as much as you think you are doing good by being there for her, in the end she will be with someone else and be very happy that poor little you is sitting on the side waiting for a pat on the head. Do you want us to cheerlead for you or tell you the truth based on all of our experiences? As much as relationships should not be a game, she has turned it into one and the facts are that she is winning. Turn the tables ......also think about what you are getting out of this? Does she ever ask you about your thoughts and problems???? Does she help solve them in anyway???? NO! You are trying so hard to impress her that it is becoming a one-sided relationship.
Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by acidrein_08 So now i'm going to go back to my hurt self, this is what you all wanted? Can you please go back and Re-Read what *Everyone here* has written.. thanks. Honestly Acidrein.. IF YOU want to keep on calling her, all you. IF you want to beg, cry, plead, reason with her all you. IF you think it's going to help you out.. okay. She's told you she wants to end the relationship.. and yeah, she SAYS she cares about you, she SAYS she loves you.. but she's SHOWING you that she has zero intentions of putting things "back together again" at this time. I have to say that asking IF *Everyone here* was hoping for or wanting you to be unhappy and hurt is un-set.. only trying to help you out, and maybe offer a different perspective... Regardless.. Good Luck with things.
FolderWife Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 She's only going to act like she wants you back, until you're begging for her again. Then, she's going to do you just like ck_guy's ex is doing him. ck_guy has been going through this crap for NEARLY SIX MONTHS!!!! If he'd listened to us, and just backed off, and not called, and not been her doormat, then she might've come around. Where do you want to be in six months? With her, or single? Trust us, we've ALL been there. I did the calling and begging, and it didn't work. I got dumped. I did the "I can't care less" routine, and he married me So CHOSE. Follow your emotions, and let her play you, or follow our advice, see this for what it is, and make her think she's losing you, and she'll come running back. See, the point of all of this is to give the SO space to miss you. If they miss you, they'll want you back. If you're waiting patiently in the wings, they'll string you along until they find someone more mysterious. That's how the guys always hooked me. They'd play SUPER DUPER INTERESTED, and I'd be the one in control. Then suddenly, the calls got late, and the plans got cancelled, and the guy didn't seem interested, and I realized what I would be missing without him, and then I became the persuer. I went from being the hunted to the hunter. The the guy would dump me Guess I was too clingy. But I swear, my now husband started that trick. He was supposed to call at a certain time, and when he didn't call, my first instict was to call and see if he fell asleep or something. But I had learned from my mistakes, and instead, I took the phone off the hook, and went to bed...I didn't want him disturbing my sleep And he's the one I Married!!! It's EXPERIENCE!!! I had six boyfriends do the back away routine, and I fell for it. Then, I'd become a needy girlfriend, and they dumped me. But when I didn't fall for the back away routine, and when he backed away I LET HIM, and let him see what he'd be losing if he kept it up, he proposed. So don't accuse us of trying to hurt you. YOU make the rules. If she says at the end of a conversation, "Call me." Don't say, "OK!" Say, "I'm actually going to be busy, but I might be available at...um...3 oclock tomorrow. If you want, you can call then " Then, if she plays hard to get, and calls you at 5 oclock, you don't answer the phone. Make her wait another day. Make her play by YOUR rules...dont' play by hers. She dumped you, so she's the one that needs to be crawling back. If she tries to call you, and can't get you, she'll be calling all of her friends, saying, "What have I done!? He wants nothing to do with me now!" hee hee* And that's what you want. Then, when you've got her where you want her, start being nice. Don't act like you want to be with her, but be friendly.
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 I am very sorry for making it sound like I was blaming you all. I have read and re-read all of your posts many of times, but I also look back at my past experience with it. I'm just so confused becuase I know what I want and I can't get it exactly how I want it. But talking with her has made me stronger and I can feel like I can go without her call. I was very straight on the phone and she called me 3 times this morning. Once becuase I hung up after we both said by but she said she wasn't done talking to me. It was the same last night, everytime we said bye she would have something more to say to keep me on the phone. Would you all think it would be a bad idea if we got back together now? Last night I was telling her how much I have realized things since we been apart and I told her that it was good for us. Becuase it shows us what we can improve and what was lacking in our relationship. But then in my head I want to use all that to get back together and become an even stronger couple. And maybe I'm wrong but I don't think break-ups have to be a bad thing. They can be a real eye opener and it can turn a bad relationship into a great one, it just takes both of them wanting the same things. She has told me that it is so hard without me and I told her I know how you feel, she has said I loved you and I haven't said it back, she said she misses me and I still say nothing. She has asked about my email constantly and last night I told her just what Monday told me to, that it had emotions I didn't feel like mattered to her anymore. She hasn't said anything about her grandma since when we first got on the phone together yesterday. She wanted to hear from me today. The first time we talked after we broke up I told her not to play games with me and she said she's not, that its over. But since then she has been apoligizing for being mean, breaking up, hurting me, making me mad. She seems to have gained back what she lost in the later part of our relationship. She said she will always love me and care about me, and she says she wants to talk becuase she cares. **I also told her that I can't sit around and wait for her and she said she wouldn't want me to.** It's just so damn confusing. Did you all read what happened in July? I posted it. But anyways I just needed to let things out, thanks so much you all for keeping up with me and being a shoulder to lean on. loveshack.org is the best place for comfort.
FolderWife Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 I don't think it would hurt if she says she loves you again, to say that you still love her too. But don't say anything else. Telling her that you still love her will give her the glimmer of hope she needs to maybe initiate asking if you would like to get back together. To witch you reply, "I don't know...how do you feel about it?" Let her talk you into getting back together. I don't think getting back with her would be a bad idea. She needs to seriously grow up though.
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 So you all what do I say or do if she calls tonight? I think she is working and that is why I haven't heard from her, at least I hope. But would it be good to talk to her tonight? It seems like every time I talk to her she is more sorry for what she has done.. What do I do??
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 She never called back tonight and I just woke up to find out. I feel so sick to my stomach. What an idiot I thought she couldn't go without me either but she can. She isn't going through the pain I am. I shouldn't have accused her of playing with my emotions, gawd I think i'm gonna thow up. I love her!@
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 Well after I left that last post I ended up calling her, but she didn't answer. She called back a few minutes later and said she was sleeping. She also said that she didn't get my call earlier but that she was really happy that I called her back. We talked for 45 minutes and she told me how she missed me, how she loved me, and how she could see things working again. We both got off happy and she said she would call me in the morning. Well she did call me before she went to class and was really excited talking to me, she said she would call me after her class to finish what we were talking about last night (our relationship). So about an hour and a half later she did and we talked for over an hour about things. The first thing she said was that she really did love me. She told me all the reasons why she loved me and how there was no one else like me. She went on to tell me all the things she would do differently if/when we got back together. I told her how I felt about things and what I thought I/she needed to improve on. She talked about our future together and all the things she wanted. And she said I had them. She had to go on to her next class but said she would call me after they are over. Things look so good, I don't think it will be long till we are back together!
davedawgaz Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Hello Acidrein. I have been following your story for a while. Your story has really helped because I am going through the same thing. We just broke up, well she needed that thing called SPACE. Your story is giving me the will to not call. I want to call so bad and beg to fix it. I still called after she said he needed space and that has just made it harder. I miss her so much. And I would do anything to have her back. We were together for a year and 8 months and it came to a screeching halt. I really hope things work out for you but whatever you do, do not get in over your head. You need to realize that this could happen again. So, DO NOT rely on her to make you happy. Imagine if it happens again. You will be crushed. If you guys are thinking about getting back together, make sure that you do not push the issue, don't let her know that it is what is constantly on your mind. Good luck but be carefull. I need help as well. I need to find away to make the NO CONTACT thing easier because I feel like I am dying inside and I don't know how she could want apart after all the things we have been through and done for eachother. We were there for eachother no matter what. I need to not call but the will power is lacking, I feel so sad and desperate. I want to know what happened and I am sure eveybody else does also.
Author acidrein_08 Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 I'm sorry Dave but this story will no longer give you hope. Wow do I feel really stupid. She called and left me a voicemail while I was in my class last night and said she was on her way to work. After she got off she called again and talked to me a few minutes. She said she had a stressful night and told me about it, and then she's like well I guess i'll let you go. And I was like why? And she said well you never called me back from earlier, and I was like you were at work. And she is like your right. But then I said I would let her go and she didn't want to get off, just wanted to make sure I wanted to talk. So anyways we talk awhile, and then she tells me she likes talking to me as friends. I was like WTF! And questioned her about it. She said this is the way she likes things right now and I was like what about all the sh** you said earlier (didn't cuss though, I am always nice) and she is like I was talking about when you came to college here (next fall). So I said oh I thought different and said I couldn't be her friend. And she said ok and we got off the phone. I know that is BS becuase of the things she was saying. It's like she totally changed at work or something. Don't worry about me calling her, she will have to call and beg me back for me to even talk to her again. I won't take that. Dave, continue to be strong, if it is meant to be then it will happen. Keep posting me about your story also, it helps to know i'm not alone and that others are making it also. I feel good today, like i've let go of a part of her. I called up some friends and we are going to go to a club tomorrow night and have some fun. I never thought she would do what she has done and I think she has now lost some of me. I feel like breaking up was her loss.
davedawgaz Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Acid, I am glad you feel better. But watch out because all it takes is one conversation and you could feel completely different. Just be carefull. She may have saw that you were becoming dependent on her again, so don't let her take advantage of that. Well, about me. Me and my ex Sylvia have broken up. I never had more fun in my life than the time I had spent with her. And I know it was the same for her. She ws saying she needed space and to give her time but that is almost impossible to do. So at first I was persistant. And then one night I found out about some messages that some guy left on her voicemail. I lost my top and told her I could not believe she could do that to me and told her I didn't want to talk to her again, eventhough that wasn't true. She was all like I Love You and I'm sorry and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And explained to me about the messsages (and it was nothing by the way.) Then everythings cool, and the next day I made a little mistake that I did not realize was a mistake and it really made her mad. Then a few days later she was saying sorry and that she loved me. I told her, "If you are really serious about me, answer to what I am about to say." I said, "I Love You Baby." And she said, " I Love You too Baby." This was actually last friday. But all of a sudden she changes out of nowhere and she is like I need time and space. We can't talk or see eachother. My heart fell to the floor. I didn't know what the hell to do. I was always like why, what did I do? She said we were loosing respect for eachother. We were getting mad at eachother for everything. I did have a temper and it was not helping. I am just really confused and I would do anything to be with her again. I feel like she wants to forget about me. I can't sleep and I can't find a way to be happy. I want her to call so bad. She said we can't be in contact right now and I don't know how to do it. Help me figure it out.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 I know I can't read her mind. But she has told me this countless times don't believe everything a woman tells you! some women would say anything to manipulate a man!
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