B1288 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 As the title my GF confessed to me this morning that for about 2-3 weeks she has been talking to this guy at her job and that she didn't realize just what her feelings were until last night. She submitted her two week notice to her job but asked for this guys number to stay in touch. She wants to leave me and then tells me she needs to think about it and what she wants to do. I'm devastated, heart broken, in disbelief, and I've been begging God to give me another chance with her. I haven't done anything to her and I've been loyal to her the six years we''ve been together and my GF tells me I'm a great guy and she cares about me but her heart/mind is telling to see where she goes with this new crush guy. I need help with this LoveShack, since I don't know what to do or go from here. I don't hate her and I don't just want to throw her out but I'm hurt and I've been crying my heart out. I'm a tough guy over all but this incident struck me beyond my wildest of dreams. Her birthday is on May 5th and I had planned to do something special too but...everything is just so eff'd up. My heart hurts so badly LoveShack. If you need other information please ask me just please help find a way to gain my girlfriends love back OR in the worst case scenario move on as best as I can.
FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 As the title my GF confessed to me this morning that for about 2-3 weeks she has been talking to this guy at her job and that she didn't realize just what her feelings were until last night. She submitted her two week notice to her job but asked for this guys number to stay in touch. She wants to leave me and then tells me she needs to think about it and what she wants to do. I'm devastated, heart broken, in disbelief, and I've been begging God to give me another chance with her. I haven't done anything to her and I've been loyal to her the six years we''ve been together and my GF tells me I'm a great guy and she cares about me but her heart/mind is telling to see where she goes with this new crush guy. I need help with this LoveShack, since I don't know what to do or go from here. I don't hate her and I don't just want to throw her out but I'm hurt and I've been crying my heart out. I'm a tough guy over all but this incident struck me beyond my wildest of dreams. Her birthday is on May 5th and I had planned to do something special too but...everything is just so eff'd up. My heart hurts so badly LoveShack. If you need other information please ask me just please help find a way to gain my girlfriends love back OR in the worst case scenario move on as best as I can. From the way you put it, you've been nothing but your best to her and some random stranger, which I presume knew she had a boyfriend but still flirted with her anyway, comes into her life and she decides to dump you? I'm no expert in relationships but I thought being in one implied that you may feel attracted to someone else yet your feelings for your SO are more powerful than that. If you have been that good to her it would strike me as odd that she'd decide to leave you for a stranger. Either I'm missing some crucial context or you've been blind and she isn't exactly the nicest person. If that is the case, dump her, kick her out and tell her to go live with that other guy, see if he takes her in.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Wow, sorry to hear about your situation OP. This must be gut-wrenching for you. First, I'd cancel any birthday plans for her. There is simply no point right now. Second, you can't gain someone's love back if they don't want it. If things have been faulty for a while, there may certainly be some things you can try to remedy the situation. Based on your description, the relationship seems as though it was relatively smooth sailing. But it sounds to me she's got a foot out the door already. Did you have any sense that she was pulling back? Has she been distant or otherwise off? 2
HappyLove Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 You say worst case is leaving her but actually worst case is staying with her. 12
Treasa Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Definitely cancel any birthday celebrations you had. If she lives with you and you pay for the rent, tell her she needs to find a new place in the next couple of days. Tell her that if someone else doesn't snap you up too quickly, and assuming she realizes what she's missing, she might have a chance to get you back, but she shouldn't wait too long. Be firm about this, but calm, and keep in control of your emotions. At least around her. Then you can come break down here. What won't work is begging her back, trying to treat her even better, etc. She's going through GIGS, and you need to walk away and pull the security blanket out from under her. 7
Wisecrack Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 You're a man. Less of this emotional turmoil and more action! If you don't leave her, you'll be guaranteed she will down the track. She already asked for that guys number. 6 years is obviously a great commitment but seriously you can do better! If you guys don't joint own anything then simply up and go. She will know why and if she ever wants you back, I guess it's up to you but I know what I'd do then. 1
Assasda Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 You knew that this would happen. OP you put her on that pedestal. Heck, she's still on the pedestal right now. She's treating you exactly how someone should be treated when they're on the pedestal. Go out and date other women, and stop being a wuss 2
organizedchaos Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 As the title my GF confessed to me this morning that for about 2-3 weeks she has been talking to this guy at her job and that she didn't realize just what her feelings were until last night. She submitted her two week notice to her job but asked for this guys number to stay in touch. She wants to leave me and then tells me she needs to think about it and what she wants to do. I'm devastated, heart broken, in disbelief, and I've been begging God to give me another chance with her. I haven't done anything to her and I've been loyal to her the six years we''ve been together and my GF tells me I'm a great guy and she cares about me but her heart/mind is telling to see where she goes with this new crush guy. I need help with this LoveShack, since I don't know what to do or go from here. I don't hate her and I don't just want to throw her out but I'm hurt and I've been crying my heart out. I'm a tough guy over all but this incident struck me beyond my wildest of dreams. Her birthday is on May 5th and I had planned to do something special too but...everything is just so eff'd up. My heart hurts so badly LoveShack. If you need other information please ask me just please help find a way to gain my girlfriends love back OR in the worst case scenario move on as best as I can. This is what you do starting right now: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide Read it, live it, trust it.
rns4lyfe Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I've fallen for a guy at work before. He probably gave her whatever you wasn't giving her. She's so wrong for this because you two have been together for 6 years! I don't want to think that she was using you but 6 years is a long time! If things were great until she dropped that bad news, what would possess her to seek out another man?
soccerrprp Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I've fallen for a guy at work before. He probably gave her whatever you wasn't giving her. She's so wrong for this because you two have been together for 6 years! I don't want to think that she was using you but 6 years is a long time! If things were great until she dropped that bad news, what would possess her to seek out another man? I continue to shake my head when people dare to spend multiple years together and discover that the relationship isn't going anywhere or is about to end. 6 years and what do you have to show for it? No engagement. No marriage. People waste so much of their time either hoping something will change or hoping things won't change so that he/she won't have to make that next level of commitment. After a couple of years, imho, if you are not engaged or married, it will very likely NOT happen. 6 years is too long to stay with someone just dating. Like some others, I don't wholly believe your relationship was as good as you make it out to be. In a way, she probably came to her senses and realized that she's just wasted 6-years of her life with a guy who couldn't and/or wouldn't commit any further. Someone, after 6-years, doesn't just walk away unless she was and is not happy or unless she's co-dependent.
mr_dave Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I've been in exactly the same position as you OP! It will feel so wrong and so counterintuitive, as you still love her, and being apart from her is an unbearable thought to you, but you have to dump her! I was the perfect boyfriend for three years to my GF. I wanted to marry her, I took her round the world, spent ages teaching her to get her into university. Her family absolutely adored me. Yet some single dad bad-boy flashes his tattoos at her at work and it's a no contest, she'd rather be with him. Don't make the mistake I did, and beg or try to reason with her, you deserve to be with someone who truly loves you. Suppose she changed her mind.. after a while you'd probably view her with disgust and feel short changed. Six years meant so little to her that she was willing to drop it for a random guy. You deserve so much more.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Please dump her ASAP. I don't think it's a troll post. This happens far too often.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Be careful what you ask God for because you may just get that and what this is, is not good stuff for you. Its hard to see that at first, but you have to take what she says at face value and roll with that. She made a decision to sneak behind your back talking to another guy. She has ended the relationship with you and told you where her feelings are and even went to push the knife in a bit farther letting you know, she is pursuing him and asking for his number. It doesn't appear he is the instigator in this case. This is HER doing. This is who SHE is. Once someone shows you who they are, regardless of how much time you have known them, BELIEVE them and seek a life without them in it. Never be an option for someone when you make them a priority. I am sorry. Been there myself. Heal and move on.
giblesp Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 As the title my GF confessed to me this morning that for about 2-3 weeks she has been talking to this guy at her job and that she didn't realize just what her feelings were until last night. She submitted her two week notice to her job but asked for this guys number to stay in touch. She wants to leave me and then tells me she needs to think about it and what she wants to do. I'm devastated, heart broken, in disbelief, and I've been begging God to give me another chance with her. I haven't done anything to her and I've been loyal to her the six years we''ve been together and my GF tells me I'm a great guy and she cares about me but her heart/mind is telling to see where she goes with this new crush guy. I need help with this LoveShack, since I don't know what to do or go from here. I don't hate her and I don't just want to throw her out but I'm hurt and I've been crying my heart out. I'm a tough guy over all but this incident struck me beyond my wildest of dreams. Her birthday is on May 5th and I had planned to do something special too but...everything is just so eff'd up. My heart hurts so badly LoveShack. If you need other information please ask me just please help find a way to gain my girlfriends love back OR in the worst case scenario move on as best as I can. Sorry to read this. You've got to move on, for your own self integrity. She came back home saying she likes another man. Then she said she'd like to think about it which was plain rude. Tell her you don't need to think about it, its over. I know this is the last thing you want to do, I've been there myself. But you're in love with the woman she WAS, not the woman she is now. You have to move on and take your pain. Be with close friends and try and move on in your life as best you can.
GrandeH Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Hey OP I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. You don't deserve the pain you're going through and I certainly wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I am inclined to believe that she had checked out of your relationship well before this recent incident. She practically monkey branched because she lost attraction towards you and also maybe got tired of waiting for you to propose, although i'm not sure what you had discussed about your long term relationship plans. It sucks so much and I sympathize for you but thats the sad reality of life OP, the best you can do right now is go no contact and move on. Be grateful she didn't cheat on you and that she was actually honest with you, I commend her for that at least albeit her stringing you along for however long it has been since she checked out of the relationship. I wish you all the best. May I ask how old the two of you are?
mtber75 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 She's bored of you. 6 years and you just go through the motions. You probably think it will be fine if you just be nice to her. But she needs excitement in her relationship. Why aren't you guys married after all these year? Maybe that's why she is trying to leave you? 1
veggirl Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I continue to shake my head when people dare to spend multiple years together and discover that the relationship isn't going anywhere or is about to end. 6 years and what do you have to show for it? No engagement. No marriage. People waste so much of their time either hoping something will change or hoping things won't change so that he/she won't have to make that next level of commitment. After a couple of years, imho, if you are not engaged or married, it will very likely NOT happen. 6 years is too long to stay with someone just dating. Like some others, I don't wholly believe your relationship was as good as you make it out to be. In a way, she probably came to her senses and realized that she's just wasted 6-years of her life with a guy who couldn't and/or wouldn't commit any further. Someone, after 6-years, doesn't just walk away unless she was and is not happy or unless she's co-dependent. They're probably like 23. His gf has GIGS because she's prob spent her entire adult life in a relationship w/ OP. 1
Author B1288 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Guys, I know this is a late reply but, what I had planned to do on may 5th of last year (on her birthday) was propose to her with ring in hand and bought already. Regardless thank you for all the replies good, bad, bitter, ugly, nice, all the way around, and etc.
Noproblem Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Just end it already! Save your pride and the heartache that follow! Begging won't help! Love dies after 4 years.
Diezel Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 She's bored of you. 6 years and you just go through the motions. You probably think it will be fine if you just be nice to her. But she needs excitement in her relationship. Why aren't you guys married after all these year? Maybe that's why she is trying to leave you? So it's his fault? Get out of here with this garbage. She isn't TRYING to leave him, she IS leaving him and she has already emotionally cheated. And that's his fault, because they weren't married? You think being married would have stopped this from happening? Or, is there something about your own past that you'd love to reveal to LS - like cheater's sympathy? 1
Moy Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) She's bored of you. 6 years and you just go through the motions. You probably think it will be fine if you just be nice to her. But she needs excitement in her relationship. Why aren't you guys married after all these year? Maybe that's why she is trying to leave you? Yay, good old manshaming. I wonder what the replies would be like if the genders were reversed and it was the guy making moves towards the new blonde in the office. As others have said. End it. Get out with whatever pride you have left and cut all contact. My ex - fiancée cheated on me and left me for a newly hired office badboy, while I was looking after our then two year-old child of an evening as she 'worked late.' Go and never look back! Edited January 8, 2015 by Moy
Andy_K Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Guys, I know this is a late reply but, what I had planned to do on may 5th of last year (on her birthday) was propose to her with ring in hand and bought already. Regardless thank you for all the replies good, bad, bitter, ugly, nice, all the way around, and etc. So, this all happened last May. What went down in the end? Did you two split? If so have you found someone else since?
Hopes Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 So, this all happened last May. What went down in the end? Did you two split? If so have you found someone else since? I am also curious about this as well. I would have bounced or kicked her out and broke up with her immediately. Also, I would have shown her the ring and then returned or pawned it and bought yourself something nice.
mtber75 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 As the title my GF confessed to me this morning that for about 2-3 weeks she has been talking to this guy at her job and that she didn't realize just what her feelings were until last night. She submitted her two week notice to her job but asked for this guys number to stay in touch. She wants to leave me and then tells me she needs to think about it and what she wants to do. I'm devastated, heart broken, in disbelief, and I've been begging God to give me another chance with her. I haven't done anything to her and I've been loyal to her the six years we''ve been together and my GF tells me I'm a great guy and she cares about me but her heart/mind is telling to see where she goes with this new crush guy. I need help with this LoveShack, since I don't know what to do or go from here. I don't hate her and I don't just want to throw her out but I'm hurt and I've been crying my heart out. I'm a tough guy over all but this incident struck me beyond my wildest of dreams. Her birthday is on May 5th and I had planned to do something special too but...everything is just so eff'd up. My heart hurts so badly LoveShack. If you need other information please ask me just please help find a way to gain my girlfriends love back OR in the worst case scenario move on as best as I can. That sucks man! After all these years too. Perhaps you catered to her too much....IN other words you were too much of a nice guy! She may want a little spark in her relationship. She may be testing you! I mean after all these years and you guys are not married yet? It seems like she is tired of the status quo! Man up and tell her how you feel!
mtber75 Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 She's bored of you. 6 years and you just go through the motions. You probably think it will be fine if you just be nice to her. But she needs excitement in her relationship. Why aren't you guys married after all these year? Maybe that's why she is trying to leave you? LOL I didn't realize I replied to this already long time ago!
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