snilljente Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Ok..here it goes....I was introduced to a guy at the gym way back in September, he had asked about me and been smiling and saying "hi" so my trainer introduced us....I was told my someone who had dated his good buddy that he had been engaged and had his heart broken and was very careful about dating......I invited him along with me and my friends to parties, nights out, etc...and he always had an excuse...BUT, he kept calling me....kept talking to me at the gym....over Xmas, I was sick..he called and asked if he could bring me anything...one night we FINALLY agreed to go out around 8 and that he would pick me up...he said he would call to get directions that he was going to go out with a buddy from 5 to 7 and have a couple of drinks and that he would call me to get directions when he was on the way....I waited and waited...he never called...he never showed up....this was Friday...MONDAY I get a text message saying, sorry about Fri...I just got out of jail.....anyways, this was his idea of a joke and he said that his friend's car had gotten towed and that his cell was in it and he apologized for Fri.....I decided that that was it...not going to even think about him again...BUT he kept calling....he came over on a Thurs...we hung out, it was nice. we kissed....Mon am, he calls and asks me out to lunch....we meet and are sitting outside eating when three girls walk up, say hi to him and one kisses him on the lips....he clearly looked uncomfortable...we were done eating, so when he was done talking to the girl, we got up to go....she stuck her head out the door (we were outside) and asked him to come talk to her for a second...he went inside....I waited outside for him...and I waited and waited...he never turned around to say, I'll be right there, or let me call you later, this is going to take longer than I thought...nothing.....so I leave after like 15 minutes...I call him cell and lv a mess.....hey this is _____, remember me, the person you just had lunch with....I waited for you for quite a while and you guys looked pretty busy, so I am leaving,thanks for lunch.....I wait hours, no call..finally I text him and demand an explanation...he writes back that it was a girl that he has been seeing and that she was upset about seeing him out with me and he owed her an explanation...I tried to explain that the time to have given her this explanation would have been sometime between thurs and mon, but NOT on our lunch date and at the expense of blowing me off (this guy is 37!!! I am 36, we are NOT kids)......he said, well how was I to know that I would get along with you so well, and up until now I have only been dating her and needed to tell her that I was on a date with you...I said, sounds like a girlfriend to me..he said no......ANYWAYS, I told him that he has blown me off before and that the lunch experience sure felt like being blown off again.....he said I was reading too much into it....Fri we text all day and I say ,just call me, text sucks for communicating....he texts back "have any wine" (the time he came over we sat and had wine and talked), making me think that he that he is hinting that he wants to come over and have a glass of wine and talk...this is around 4pm on Fri...I text him back that I have the same wine as before...I haven't heard from him all weekend despite me texting him a couple of times asking him what happened on Fri night? What is this guy's problem???I am an atractive woman and not to be rude, but this much younger girl that we ran into on our lunch date wasn't even remotely cute, I was pretty surprised because he is a nice looking guy, although pretty short..but I don't care about that...why does he keep calling (albeit sporatically) and texting me only to keep blowing me off....what do I tell him, what do I do? I dont get this guy AT ALL!!!
Merin Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 My advice is you move on. Unless you want to continue banging your head up against the wall here girl, I would just leave this guy alone. He's rude and inconsiderate. Don't text him, don't call him, don't continue to ask him what happend.. It seems apparent that he's not interested in dating ONE person.. and the whole deal of leaving you hanging so he could give the other girl an "explanation" of what he was doing.. was just rude and IMO disrespectful to YOU. IF he had not given this other girl reason to believe she was the ONLY girl he was dating then yeah.. guess there would'nt have been a reason to give explanation/excuses whatever... he could have just told her "I'll catch up with you later" and again IMO IF he was all about you, he would have done that. You don't need this kind of crap in your life.. my guess is IF you don't call him, OR text him he will be all about trying to get in touch with you.. but even IF he does that.. do you really want to play these type of games? Blah!
Author snilljente Posted February 6, 2005 Author Posted February 6, 2005 Yeah, you're right Merin (beautiful pic by the way!).....that's what I told him, that even though he said she wasn't his girlfriend, she obviously thought they were exclusive, otherwise, why would she be upset at seeing him having lunch with me (or anyone else for that matter) and why would he have to take so long to give her an explanation if they were just casually dating...then, WHY has he been pursuing me so long..in the course of us talking since Sept, we have talked about my divorce, dating since then and he has clearly (unless he's an idiot, which is obviously a HUGE possibility at this point! heard me say that I am looking for someone special, etc....that's why I was SO surprised about our little lunch experience...I really did not expect this from him..I thought he was all about me.....but you are right...I have to be strong and no matter how much it irritates me that he is such an idiot, which is 99% of the reason that I text/call, because he just baffles my mind..... AND he said, well, I wasn't expecting us to get along so well and hadn't had the "opportunity" to tell her I wanted to date you....we have been talking since Sept...granted we didn't kiss until the Thurs night, but he had to have known before that we got along just fine.....Ugh....how can I have such bad luck time and time again, there have to be some nice guys out there who consider 1 woman enough.......
Merin Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Thank you for the nice compliment Yes, he is an idiot I'm sorry girl.. I know you've had a rough go of it in the dating department, and honestly it isn't you I just think you seem to get more than your fair share of guys who have a lot of issues in committment.. perhaps it's because they like yourself have been through divorce and are still carrying the baggage of never wanting to do anything remotely close to that again (this could include dating exclusively) it's fortunate that you've been able to get a handle on things regarding your divorce.. but a lot of times IMO it does seem that guys will often have a harder time after divorce of ever wanting to try out something meaningful again maybe out of fear that it won't work.. Keep on trying sista.. you're bound to find one guy out there who even if he has some issues and baggage (and for real who doesn't) that he will be willing to work on things and try again. As far as this guy goes.. again IMO it really doesn't matter what the reason he gives for being rude about this other girl.. and if he really thought that you should've been *happy* that this other girl was/is his "back up plan" incase it turned out he didn't like you, then he's outta his g'damn mind and should be banned from dating His loss!
Author snilljente Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 He, he....yes, he's nuts....he's never actually been married, just engaged....hmm...still single at 37, never married...I think I know why?!! Thanks for a good dose of sense...I needed it..he was just making me nuts...he can go back to calling/texting and he is not going to get a response from me...he might get a friendly "hello" when I see him at the gym and that's it......no more. thanks again
Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by snilljente He, he....yes, he's nuts....he's never actually been married, just engaged....hmm...still single at 37, never married...I think I know why?!! Thanks for a good dose of sense...I needed it..he was just making me nuts...he can go back to calling/texting and he is not going to get a response from me...he might get a friendly "hello" when I see him at the gym and that's it......no more. thanks again Never married and he's 37.. LOL yeah, I'm thinking theres a good reason for that too girl! Never date people who make you feel crazy in a bad way I do hope you're feeling better Snilljente, and that you know this is his issue.. glad to know you're not going to play his game, ugh the ****er! Take care, and keep me posted as to how you are
KaiaMahina Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Snilljente, couldn't resist interjecting because I can't tell you how often I've suffered these insufferable moronic shenanigans that you describe with this inconsiderate and foolish man! I finally got wise. I had one guy tell me he would call me at 9:30 PM on Thursday evening. I had no reason to believe that he wouldn't because we had only just met and he seemed sane enough. Sure enough, I stayed in on Thursday and was ready, willing and able to take the phone call that he had scheduled. No call. Email the next day revealed that he had been playing pool with friends that evening and had "forgotten." I wrote back saying that my while I was sorry to do this, I was cutting off any further communication because he had specifically asked that I take a call on a specific time and date and had failed to make the call. I told him that my time was every bit as valuable as his and that I could have made other plans and been out having a good time just as he had been if I hadn't been waiting for a phone call as I had been requested by him to do! He wrote again with a lot of syrupy "sincerity" that he felt that we had "bonded in a special way" and that he would very much miss talking to me and that he was "sorry" that I felt this way. Bulls**t. If he thought we had bonded in a special way, why was it so easy to blow me off for a game of pool? Miss talking to me? He missed talking to me on that evening, so what's the rest of eternity? Sorry that I felt that way? If he had said that he was sorry for inconveniencing me and disappointing me, he may have stood half a chance for a second chance. But when people start saying they're sorry for YOU feeling a certain way, it's a sure sign they're not sorry for their behavior, they're only sorry you're not swallowing it. It may be too extreme for some people, but I now have a zero-tolerance for missed dates/phone calls and anything else that is promised with no pressure from me and is never delivered. Believe me, the more slack you cut for people, and the more you give them the benefit of the doubt, the more you get walked on. Nip it in the bud. You did good to decide not to contact him any longer. I would also think twice about even bothering to say hello to him at the gym. Waste of breath.
Author snilljente Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 Well, as I expected he called on his lunch break today and left a message asking me to call him on his cell......he has done this before where I haven't heard a peep from him all weekend and then Mon rolls around and he calls....and asks like nothing. I haven't called back, but part of me feels that he is just clueless enough to have no idea why I might be upset....Would there be a short but sweet text message that I could send that would relay tha the is not a person who can be relied upon and I am far to busy to want to deal with that.......OR just that I am not interested in spending time with someone who only calls/responds on his terms/when he wants....
Author snilljente Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 Ok...because I truly think this is one clueless guy I just sent him the following text following up a voice mail he left me about 4 hours ago "Not interested in your games. I am not interested in spending time with/getting to know someone who only calls/responds to my messages when he feels like it" and I wrote my name...that should be pretty clear...if he doesn't get it now..well, there's no hope.......
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