FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 There's this girl I've been seeing over the past few years, we've been mostly friends with benefits, though over the course of the last year we admitted our mutual feelings for each other. Everything was great, we had our issues but we'd always talk about them and solve them rather quickly. However, she started acting weird lately, specially online, we'd usually talk about almost anything and on a daily basis, but she started "seeing" my messages on FB or answering but not making any further conversation. In person she was fine so I let it slide for a while until it came to a point where I had to ask her if anything was wrong. She seemed surprised that I asked and told me everything was great, we had one or two more normal talks and then it started happening again. Even worse, she won't talk to me... Like she's online but won't say anything, this has been going on for about twenty days. (I did see her about 10 days ago because she works at a bar and I ended up there with a friend. She treated me as nice as ever) Normally I'd initiate contact, but I know it'd be pointless and I'm pretty confused. What do I do? I feel so many different things, frustration, confusion, sadness, anxiety, pain and a burning ever growing anger inside me. Part of me wants to tell her to go to hell, another part that I love her and feel lost without her. Should I confront her? Ask her to really tell me what's going on? Please help!
Assasda Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Your problem is that you feel "almost lost without her" You are suffacating the life out of this girl, thinking about her every waking moment and it is driving her crazy. Stop acting like a woman and get your own life. Do your own thing, and maybe she'll start to like you again, but right now, you seem weak unattractive and projecting everything on her 1
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Your problem is that you feel "almost lost without her" You are suffacating the life out of this girl, thinking about her every waking moment and it is driving her crazy. Stop acting like a woman and get your own life. Do your own thing, and maybe she'll start to like you again, but right now, you seem weak unattractive and projecting everything on her Never said I suffocated her or anything of the sort, while I do indeed feel lost, I don't express it and I have learned to give people their space. The daily contact was a mutual thing and it always felt natural.Sure there were days we didn't speak and it was fine... But this si different
BlueIris Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 (edited) Don’t “confront” her- or anyone. That’s not nice. It sounds as though the relationship didn’t evolve into something of depth and connection. Happens a lot in FWB situations- the essentials of a great romance, like dating, flirting, emotional intimacy, increasing connection just never take place- and one person is content with the blah routine when the other is thinking, “Do I want a lifetime of this? Eh, not really.” I’ve heard the complaint from both men and women. So, OP, do you want to step it up and make this woman The One? If not, let it go and let her find her One. If you DO want her to be your love and your partner, time to rewind, reset and romance the daylights out of her. Edited May 3, 2014 by BlueIris
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 So, OP, do you want to step it up and make this woman The One? If not, let it go and let her find her One. If you DO want her to be your love and your partner, time to rewind, reset and romance the daylights out of her. I was working my ways towards that, until this happened. What should I do? Pretend this last thing never happened and start talking to her again, see what happens? Maybe she's started dating someone? The thought crossed my mind, but we're alike in the sense that we're slow to trust and very reserved when it comes to feelings. Yet a while ago she told me she loved me, for someone like her or me that's really hard and neither of us would say it lightly. (I told her I loved her too, btw)
BlueIris Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I was working my ways towards that, until this happened. What should I do? Pretend this last thing never happened and start talking to her again, see what happens? The thought crossed my mind, but we're alike in the sense that we're slow to trust and very reserved when it comes to feelings. Yet a while ago she told me she loved me, for someone like her or me that's really hard and neither of us would say it lightly. (I told her I loved her too, btw) My opinion is to move from the talking to the gesture(s). The quiet, simple gesture that says IT. My favorites are- send red roses, or one red rose. (red symbolizes love, all other colors have different meanings). The romantic dinner or picnic. Think about little things she's said that you can build off of, to customize and show her that you hear and see her. The personal little gift. One of my favs was a BF who gave me a pack of grape bubble yum each time he picked me up- gross stuff but I loved it. Another good one was once we were junk shop shopping and goofing around with funky glasses and he insisted we get two that were weird and we wore them that afternoon- that was a little bond, secret club, let's be a team kinda thing. Think about her and some little thing. Let her know that way that you don't want this to end and you're going to stick your neck out and take it to the next level. Just my opinion. I'm an old romantic. You have everything to gain. Good luck!
DArtagnan2 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I have seen and done this too many times, back off from someone I was connecting with because I "thought" they were backing off. Then, they end up backing off because they "think" I am backing off. Then things just fade. There are some valid opinions here about what may be going on with her, but I didn't see the one about what we perceive is happening, we are actually creating ourselves. I am not saying this is the case, but it is a possibility. You went from FWB's to stating feelings for each other and now, whats next? It appears for the longest neither of you wanted a relationship with anyone, otherwise, why just the FWB? Now, you crossed that line, sort of, and not sure what to do, either of you possibly. have you talked to her Ok, whats next now we crossed this line? Or maybe, no discussion was needed yet you put it in to your mind that something is needed. She may feel your lack of response to her response is saying something from you. I just went through that with the last girl I tried to date. My girl was a talker though, always wrote, when she stopped writing or only responded with one liners, I tended to take that as she was being offish. Found out months later, she thought I was uninterested / stopped responding because I didn't reply to the one liners some times. So it goes both ways too. One never knows whats up, or can get the real insight from a bunch of people on a website. You'll only know by talking to her. Since its been so long since you have reached out to her as well, its a bit uncomfortable or awkward to start up that conversation. You even approaching it can show insecurity in general from you since you stopped responding. There is no sure fire path to take. You just have to go with your gut and what you feel is right for you to do and do it, accept what comes and take it from there. 1
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 To clarify some things. All those gestures sound lovely but that's definitely not her style, she doesn't like "cheesy" or "romantic". And I have in the past had many caring gestures. For example a while ago I traded half my collection of Game of Thrones books in English to get her one in our language (Spanish, which cost way more hence why I had to give 3 books for 1). She also doesn't like gifts very much... About her thinking I'm backing off... I doubt it, my past few attempts at contact were met with polite distance. And I know if she thought I was backing off she'd ask me what's wrong, Or she would've told me when I asked her twenty days ago. I mean twenty days without even a "hi" is a bit much if everything's great, right?
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 I could really use some input here...
Assasda Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 20 Days without a hi. No imput needed buddy. I already left my comment
rns4lyfe Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Ask her what's going on! If you don't, you'll always wonder what went wrong. I'd ask her if she's seeing someone else and if not, can you two be exclusive. I think you'll feel better knowing what's wrong. Going 20 days without a hi says a lot. She could be going through something or have another man.
Assasda Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Ask her what's going on! If you don't, you'll always wonder what went wrong. I'd ask her if she's seeing someone else and if not, can you two be exclusive. I think you'll feel better knowing what's wrong. Going 20 days without a hi says a lot. She could be going through something or have another man. Dont do any of this crap
Haydaman712 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) Dont do any of this crap I second this. Never. EVER. As a man try to solve a woman's problem with logic and rationality. You will drown and suffocate. Go ahead and dig deeper? Okay then you will again drown, suffocate, die, be reborn, and then be relentlessly raped by mythical fairies and seasonal forest critters. Whatever problem she has is her own. And there isn't a soul on this planet other than her own that will sort that out. There is a reason why the song with the line "If you love you gotta let her go" is so popular. Because it's so true. The power of indifference is immeasurable. Being able to walk away is one of the strongest things a man can do. Edited May 4, 2014 by Haydaman712
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 The thing is I did ask her a while ago and she told me everything was great. Also if she was seeing someone else she would've told me. That's how we treated each other, honesty first.
BlueIris Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 To clarify some things. All those gestures sound lovely but that's definitely not her style, she doesn't like "cheesy" or "romantic". And I have in the past had many caring gestures. For example a while ago I traded half my collection of Game of Thrones books in English to get her one in our language (Spanish, which cost way more hence why I had to give 3 books for 1). She also doesn't like gifts very much... About her thinking I'm backing off... I doubt it, my past few attempts at contact were met with polite distance. And I know if she thought I was backing off she'd ask me what's wrong, Or she would've told me when I asked her twenty days ago. I mean twenty days without even a "hi" is a bit much if everything's great, right? You asked for more input, but I'm pretty much stumped. You say she doesn't like cheesy or romantic, and she doesn't like gifts. I've never known a woman like that, but okay, it makes sense if she has no romantic feelings for you. And if it's been twenty days without even a "hi", and neither talking nor gestures are possible, it sounds as though its over. Then again, I've never done the FWB thing and don't understand how it works or why people do it. To me, it sounds like two people agreeing to have sex without falling in love. So, I'd think that when that's the premise or agreement, there's a pretty high risk that one person will back away if the other develops deeper feelings.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 About her thinking I'm backing off... I doubt it, my past few attempts at contact were met with polite distance. And I know if she thought I was backing off she'd ask me what's wrong, Or she would've told me when I asked her twenty days ago. I mean twenty days without even a "hi" is a bit much if everything's great, right? Sure, you asked her 20 days ago if something was wrong. She gave you the canned line of "No, everything's great" don't you know, or should I say, what I have learned is that not every time a female says that everything is "Ok" or "Great", that it really is. More times then not, there is an issue and we are left to guess whether there is something going on or not, regardless. My assumption would be that could be the case here, because guess what, its now 3 weeks since she has reached out to you. So obviously, everything is not great. In my experience(s), where the whole backing off happened, I had asked as well. I even continued to try to make contact every day until she continued to be a non-talker which is totally opposite of her character. She would write me prior as well if she thought something was amiss or my texts werent as often. That didnt happen and I found out months later, that because I didn't respond to a simple smiley face she sent one night in response to something I wrote , that is what caused her to think I was backing off or uninterested. All I am saying is even when you think you know the situation, you may not. You can walk away like some have said and let it go as she has turned uninterested and done. Or you can reach out and plan a date and see if she is receptive and get your answer that way. Just go with your gut as logic doesn't always apply in these situations.
Author FrustratedGuy91 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Sure, you asked her 20 days ago if something was wrong. She gave you the canned line of "No, everything's great" don't you know, or should I say, what I have learned is that not every time a female says that everything is "Ok" or "Great", that it really is. More times then not, there is an issue and we are left to guess whether there is something going on or not, regardless. My assumption would be that could be the case here, because guess what, its now 3 weeks since she has reached out to you. So obviously, everything is not great. In my experience(s), where the whole backing off happened, I had asked as well. I even continued to try to make contact every day until she continued to be a non-talker which is totally opposite of her character. She would write me prior as well if she thought something was amiss or my texts werent as often. That didnt happen and I found out months later, that because I didn't respond to a simple smiley face she sent one night in response to something I wrote , that is what caused her to think I was backing off or uninterested. All I am saying is even when you think you know the situation, you may not. You can walk away like some have said and let it go as she has turned uninterested and done. Or you can reach out and plan a date and see if she is receptive and get your answer that way. Just go with your gut as logic doesn't always apply in these situations. It's so not like her, I mean sure it could happen. But any other times we had any issues she would tell me right away. We had some big things that made us go apart for awhile (We never dated so I wouldn't call it a break up) so that's what has me so puzzled. If it were any other girl I'd assume what you said above but she's different in that matter. There's also the fact about our feelings. You know how some people are too quick to say "I love you", well she and I are the exact opposite. And she said it so I'm completely confused. I'd just like to know what should I do, assuming there's something I can do at all...
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