Split the check on the first date or not?

[saltyfishhead666]

Met this girl in the pits (AKA OND) meeting tonight in person for the first time. We're gonna watch the Rockets game at a pub. Should I pay the whole check or consider us equal and split the check?

 

I would say pay. If you were having two activities say dinner and a movie.

 

I would expect a man to pay for dinner and I would pay for the cinema. Give her room to chip in. She will hopefully offer anyway

 

Enjoy your date

[mtber75]

Met this girl in the pits (AKA OND) meeting tonight in person for the first time. We're gonna watch the Rockets game at a pub. Should I pay the whole check or consider us equal and split the check?

 

This is not really a date so you don't need to pay the entire check. But offer to pay the entire bill to show your intentions to pursue her ronantically! Also ask for her to pick up the future check

[Chocolat]

Just like I said we decide to for game tonight. The tab for 2 in 3 hours can easily run $60 before the tip. It's not about the money though, it's the principle.

 

Advice: In future, plan a less expensive first date so that you can pay and not feel resentful if there aren't sparks.

[Gaeta]

Never ever plan an outing like this as a first date! Keep it to a coffee shop, ice cream parlor or a walk in a park.

 

If you made the invite for this event then pay. If she is sensitive she will offer to pay for parking or leave tips or something like that.

[BlueIris]

I wish people were honest if they’re just going out with you to kill time, they don’t have any real interest, and they’re concerned about whether its going to be “worth it” to make an expenditure. If some guy asked me out and was thinking that way, I’d SO MUCH rather stay home or go out with a friend instead.

 

With that in mind, OP, I'd say always, always, always let her know ahead of time if you want her to pay and you don't find her very attractive.

[Art_Critic]

The point is WHY do the guys always pay?

 

Well... not paying is cheap IMO, We have to show our best side while dating and showing you are potentially cheap or consider money a higher priority than getting to know someone does you a disservice.

 

Pay the check.. and do not text her before the date asking her to pay her half.. damn that would be rude IMO...

[BikerAccnt]

You asked her out, you pay. Why is this even a question?

 

I must be getting old.

[MidwestUSA]

With that in mind, OP, I'd say always, always, always let her know ahead of time if you want her to pay and you don't find her very attractive.

 

So would you say he sees her in sort of an bromantic way? How exactly does a guy let a girl know that? There must be some bro code. Where's Barney?

[BlueIris]

So would you say he sees her in sort of an bromantic way? How exactly does a guy let a girl know that? There must be some bro code. Where's Barney?

 

I have no idea what he's thinking. One thing I've learned is that it's not wise to speculate or assume.

 

You let a person know that you just want company and aren't interested romantically by saying something like, "Hey, maybe we could watch a game together sometime when neither of us has us date or something. If nothing comes up, we could get together to watch XYZ at the ABC bar."

 

I.e. Don't mislead people into thinking you want to date them. You see so many men howl about women who fake it to get free dinners and drinks, and so many women cry that men weren't really interested- and both sexes get confused about "mixed signals." Date with integrity and you're going to naturally resonate only with other people with integrity.

[gaius]

The point is WHY do the guys always pay?

Because it turns women on. It's like why the penis goes in the vagina and not the ear. Mating is built to work so the guy shares his resources with the woman in some way.

 

Sure you can split the check, just like you can use her ear instead, but you're missing a lot of the important nerve endings in both cases.

[maiden of rohan]

Splitting the tab on the first date is not something that would cause me to stop seeing a guy, personally.

 

However, it is always a nice gesture when a guy pays. If you're worried about how much it is going to be costing, it's probably better to arrange a date at an inexpensive venue so it won't matter that much, such as a coffee shop or a park, or somewhere like that.

 

For me, I generally let the guy get the cinema tickets (if that's where we're going) and I get the snacks. I just feel, for me, that is fairer. I've been on a date with a guy who made an absolute point about how he was not going to buy me a drink...because he felt he'd paid enough for a cinema ticket. That is fine, I wasn't bothered about buying the drinks. I just didn't like the tight manner in which he informed me, making me feel like I was imposing on him when it was he who invited me out and suggested the whole thing.

[Keenly]

Just pay. If the thirty or whatever dollars is more important to you than making a good impression on a potential girlfriend, then you can't afford to be dating anyway.

[amazingdrummer]

You can split the bill, it will send the message to the girl that it is not a date. So she could save her time and concentrate on more potential partners.

[hopefullove]

I'm a pretty traditional girl when it comes to dating.

 

when someone asks me out on a date, I do expect the man to pay. IF he is asking me out to COURT me. It doesn't matter if it's a friendly coffee or dinner, or expensive dinner.

 

I mean if you are just looking to HANG OUT then splitting the bill could be more natural, but if i were dating you, i wouldn't be taking your seriously after that.

 

If she's a great girl, and if she is dating other guys, they are probably taking her out, because that's what guys do. Try to impress a girl to date them... unless you got something else for you going on, that you guys really click with chemistry, she might let it slide, but for myself, i do expect a gentlemen to take me out at least the first couple of dates.

[Phoe]

My current boyfriend is the only one who paid. In the past, it was always split.

 

It never had a negative effect. I didn't mind. Even though it was always simple like a coffee shop, or Taco Bell, I was okay just getting my own food or drink.

 

 

My boyfriend still pays for everything to this day. I NEVER expect it, and I still always try to offer, and show my gratitude.

 

 

Even just last night, I was on my way to his place and I felt like eating pizza. I called him up and said "Hey, do you want pizza for dinner? I can pick up a pizza on the way." He said "Yeah, let's have pizza, but come pick me up first so I can at least pay half."

 

 

So I picked him up and we went to the pizza place, and I never had intentions of letting him pay half lol, getting pizza was my idea. We had perfectly good food to cook at his place, but I felt like pizza, so I was gonna buy the pizza. The minute I got my wallet out, he put an arm around me, guided me away from the register, and stepped in front to pay for the hole thing. I protested and offered, and said how pizza was my idea anyway. He said "But you picked me up and drove me. That's paying for gas. Pizza's my treat."

 

 

The thing that strikes me NOW when looking back in the past to the men who never wanted to treat, is that even though I never expected it, and was always very happy to pay in equal shares, is that NOW, I feel very much so adored and cared for.

 

 

My boyfriend works VERY hard for his money. He wakes up at 4 am and gets home at 7 pm. He does very hard manual labor out in the middle of the desert, building solar panels. He exhausts himself, comes home with heat rash, his hands are always ravaged and cracked. Because he works so very hard, that makes his money not only value for it's simple monetary value, but it's valuable based on his time spent to earn it.

 

 

And then he wants to spend it on me. He breaks his back to earn good money, and then comes home and spends it for me. That says ALOT. That says so much about MY value, in his eyes. I'm worth it. I'm worth him busting his ass, to come home and treat me. And for that, I am so unbelievably grateful and thankful.

 

 

I look back in comparison to an ex who worked a much more simple job. 6 or 8 hours days, sitting in an office. He didn't go through NEARLY as much toil to earn his money, yet I wasn't worth it to him to buy me a coffee. I suppose I just wasn't nearly as important to him. Which is okay, I don't expect to be, especially when it's clear that we weren't meant to be. No reason for a man to spend money on me when there just wasn't much there.

 

 

But now? My boyfriends gestures mean the world to me.

[jaycee1]

To be honest if the guy asked me out first date and didn't pay I probably wouldn't date him again. If it was a multi-event night, yes I would want to pay for one and he pay for the other.

I see where guys especially on OLD get abused because of that by some women. So if you are not so sure your interested, go to coffee or a drink first meet.

 

Guy I am dating and all previous, paid for first few dates. Then it became a give and take on who pays after that.

[jay1983]

She paid for her drinks in cash every time she ordered one without me saying anything. So the when I got the check it was just my stuff. I brought it to her attention, told her I was prepared to pay, she said she didn't except me to. She's kind of shy reserved and I could tell she was nervous. She's nice just grew up a little differently. She's from a high dollar area and I guess I could say I'm from the ghetto. Everything went was going good, we talked about the schools we went to, stuff like that. I think my goofiness made her more comfortable we kissed a little bit. It was all good until lillard hit that shot at the buzzer and F ed up my night Anyway she's a nice girl and I'll defiantly see her again.

 

Just to clear some things up, I didn't make this thread to argue with y'all that I don't need to pay. I was trying to see if any of you thought that bill should be split. I know I'm supposed to pay, it's just something that crosses my mind from time to time.

 

@Blueiris - She's cute, she's not unattractive, I just don't get over excited or easily attached to new girls no matter how attractive they may be.

 

@chocolate and gaeta - the plan was to grab some tacos before the game. Then she called me and said she was gonna eat with dad and if I wanted to meet for the game since we were both planned on watching it.

 

@artcritic - I wasn't gonna send a text like that, I was just pointing out how ridiculous that looked. hints the

 

@gaius - Yes that's the norm, thanks for the reality slap.

 

@maiden - I've thought that, not on a first date but further into it, but I've never had the nerve to say it.

 

@phoe - your like the bizarro of women I've dated.

 

BTW The last time plans changed with a first date I had. We were supposed to go to the movies. Long story short she gets call from her friend, says hey let's go see her real quick. Ended up downtown at an upscale bar with her AND her friend and guess who got pinned with $120 check before the tip This was a while back, I worked in a tire shop and didn't make a lot of money. What was supposed to be $20 was $120. I made it clear I didn't appreciate it and never returned her calls.

Edited May 3, 2014 by jay1983

[Phoe]

@phoe - your like the bizarro of women I've dated.

 

Not sure what this means? I don't really consider myself bizarre.

[jay1983]

Not sure what this means? I don't really consider myself bizarre.

 

Bizarro world is a place where everything is the opposite for super man. There's a super villain who's the opposite of him and wear a cape and flies like him.

[Poppyolive]

OLD sorry

 

Nothing happens if I pay and it doesn't workout. I'm just like darn

 

The point is WHY do the guys always pay?

 

Dude, did you want her to pay?

Pick a cheaper first date then, so you'll only have to pay $10 or something.

 

Here's how dating goes for me...

First date man pays

Second date I pay

And so on...

[Wisecrack]

Some traditions should stick around. I always pay on the first date regardless. You can even use it to get a second date i.e. next round she can pay.

[guest572]

I don't understand this attitude of "well I didn't get a second date with her, so that was a complete waste of money!" Sounds really stingy. Disappointing yes but you did WANT to go out with them after all.

 

The guys i have dated insist on paying the first date, some accept half from me but some don't. from there on its just taking it in turns. If I asked a guy for a date I would pay as it was my idea.

[OneMess]

I guess I'm the oddball. As a woman, I expect to pay 1/2. I've made a mental note that if I ever agree to a date, I'll let the guy know so he doesn't have to worry like this.

 

With my bf, when things progressed along we lapsed into a "I got this one, you get the next one" routine, which we were both reliable about. Every once in a while one of us would have a financially tight week, so we'd do 3 in a row...but it all came out in the wash. Neither of us felt financially taken advantage of. The dates were about enjoying our time together, not the $$.

[dragon_fly_7]

I just go by the basic rule of whoever asks out aka doing the invitation is the one paying. Plain simple.......

 

If I'm asking out, I'm taking my purse and paying. Then if he keeps insisting on splitting it still and helping out even when he doesn't have to, ok fine I'm not going to argue. If he's the one asking out then obviously he knows what he's getting into and shouldn't be surprise that there will be no 2nd date if I have to split the bill on the 1st date when it was not my invitation at all.

[Els]

Um if you want to split the check and feel it would be a 'complete waste of money' if nothing comes out of it, then obviously you should do so.

 

Why even ask?