Split the check on the first date or not?

[jay1983]

Met this girl in the pits (AKA OND) meeting tonight in person for the first time. We're gonna watch the Rockets game at a pub. Should I pay the whole check or consider us equal and split the check?

[MidwestUSA]

Met this girl in the pits (AKA OND) meeting tonight in person for the first time. We're gonna watch the Rockets game at a pub. Should I pay the whole check or consider us equal and split the check?

 

Is it a date? If so, pay. It's a pub, not a five star restaurant.

[Phoe]

If she offers to pay her half, definitely gladly accept.

 

If you have a good time with her, are liking her, and it's a reasonable bill, I don't think it's too much that you pay for it.

 

 

If you're not comfortable with that, you can ask the person serving to make separate tabs, to avoid all that.

[lollipopspot]

Met this girl in the pits (AKA OND) meeting tonight in person for the first time. We're gonna watch the Rockets game at a pub. Should I pay the whole check or consider us equal and split the check?

 

I've seen a number of guys on here pay, and then deeply resent it later. They feel that for that money spent the woman should have decided right then that she liked the guy, or not have let him spend the money. That's not realistic. You don't know if you like each other yet and may not know for several dates.

 

My advice to you is only pay if you are not going to be pissed and bitter about it later if the relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason.

 

It is more chivalrous to pay. But I won't say a guy "should" pay. It's a tradition that means more to some women and men than others. It depends on the woman you want to attract - if she's more traditional and likes a guy to take care of her then it's more important - and most of all on your feelings as I said above.

[GemmaUK]

If this has struck you as a question to ask and post on here..go 50/50.

 

Personally I always go 50/50 unless it is a specified treat for a birthday or something.

[Mrin]

Met this girl in the pits (AKA OND) meeting tonight in person for the first time. We're gonna watch the Rockets game at a pub. Should I pay the whole check or consider us equal and split the check?

 

I always pick up the full check on first date

[MidwestUSA]

If this has struck you as a question to ask and post on here..go 50/50.

 

Personally I always go 50/50 unless it is a specified treat for a birthday or something.

 

I agree, as long as it's known upfront. Don't surprise a girl who may be thinking her end is going to be covered.

[Mrin]

... But I would never resent her if nothing came of it. No danger of that there. I just enjoy the company and honestly, I never go I to a dating situation thinking I need to sell myself. I guess I assume that if I take a lady out she will be into me either romantically or friendship and it is just a matter of determining if I am into her. I know that seems cocky but I guess it it more pre qualification and realistic expectations - I never assume that there has to be wild chemistry.

[jay1983]

I agree, as long as it's known upfront. Don't surprise a girl who may be thinking her end is going to be covered.

 

K so how do I tell her? Do I send a text "you don't mind splitting the check huh? :D" lol

[Mrin]

K so how do I tell her? Do I send a text "you don't mind splitting the check huh? :D" lol

 

Dude just pick up the check and be done with it

[MidwestUSA]

K so how do I tell her? Do I send a text "you don't mind splitting the check huh? :D" lol

 

Well sure. If you consider her your equal. It's your ticket to the friendzone. If you're hoping to get a girlfriend out of it, pay. But only if you can afford to not be resentful if it doesn't lead anywhere.

[jay1983]

Is it a date? If so, pay. It's a pub, not a five star restaurant.

 

Just like I said we decide to for game tonight. The tab for 2 in 3 hours can easily run $60 before the tip. It's not about the money though, it's the principle.

 

And like lollipopspot said I've paid before and then regretted it later. Sometimes cause I didn't like the girl, sometimes I liked the girl, thought she liked me, then flake. I still felt obligated to pay.

Edited May 3, 2014 by jay1983

[cheshire_cat]

Well sure. If you consider her your equal. It's your ticket to the friendzone. If you're hoping to get a girlfriend out of it, pay. But only if you can afford to not be resentful if it doesn't lead anywhere.

 

Yep. If you honestly like this girl and want to pursue a relationship, pay the whole tab. Otherwise split it.

[jay1983]

Yep. If you honestly like this girl and want to pursue a relationship, pay the whole tab. Otherwise split it.

 

I've talk to her on the phone, she's seems cool, but I don't think there's gonna sparks flying or anything like that.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, sounds like you're too much on the fence for this to be a romantic prospect. Just go and have fun!

[Mrin]

I've talk to her on the phone, she's seems cool, but I don't think there's gonna sparks flying or anything like that.

Wow. Ok. No clue how you go about doing that then. Seems like nothing good can come of it except some hollow victory on principle. But each to his own I suppose.

Edited May 3, 2014 by Mrin

[J21]

What is OND? One night dating?

 

 

Just like I said we decide to for game tonight. The tab for 2 in 3 hours can easily run $60 before the tip. It's not about the money though, it's the principle.

 

And like lollipopspot said I've paid before and then regretted it later. Sometimes cause I didn't like the girl, sometimes I liked the girl, thought she liked me, then flake. I still felt obligated to pay.

Honestly dude, are you serious? You're going about this with the mentality "If I pay for dinner she better be worth it, if not, I'm going to regret it." Goodness, what a small minded way of thinking.

 

If it isn't about the money just pick up the friggin check and stop being so frivolous. So what if you are out one meal and you don't like her? Just don't contact her again then.

 

And this principle you talk about--there is another principle; its called the guy pays.

[jay1983]

What is OND? One night dating?

 

 

 

Honestly dude, are you serious? You're going about this with the mentality "If I pay for dinner she better be worth it, if not, I'm going to regret it." Goodness, what a small minded way of thinking.

 

If it isn't about the money just pick up the friggin check and stop being so frivolous. So what if you are out one meal and you don't like her? Just don't contact her again then.

 

And this principle you talk about--there is another principle; its called the guy pays.

 

OLD sorry

 

Nothing happens if I pay and it doesn't workout. I'm just like darn

 

The point is WHY do the guys always pay?

[Candy_Pants]

If it's a first date and the guy asks (or assumes) that the bill be split, I don't take him seriously as a romantic prospect. Even my previous FWB paid when we ate out.

 

I'm a generous person and the courtesy will be repaid.

[jay1983]

Wow. Ok. No clue how you go about doing that then. Seems like nothing good can come of it except some hollow victory on principle. But each to his own I suppose.

 

Are you crazy about every women you've been out with?

 

You just said when you go out it's a matter of "Let me see if I like her" Do you feel like "wow I really like this girl, that I've never met in person cause she's pretty cool"

[J21]

OLD sorry

 

Nothing happens if I pay and it doesn't workout. I'm just like darn

 

The point is WHY do the guys always pay?

I understand that can be disappointing; we men all have our fair share of that.

 

Picking up the tab, holding doors, opening car doors, etc. they are signs of being a gentleman. You do those things without expecting anything in return because that's what a gentleman and a man with manners treat a lady.

[Catwoman13]

If it's out of principle, then do the done thing - take her out but allow her to pay for dessert or a round of drinks if you really feel this way. A polite girl would probably offer at least this, a true gentleman would probably decline. If you have been annoyed by having to "spend money" on dates when basically sex isn't a guarantee, and the girl you find is happy to split the bill then you probably deserve each other to some degree. Good luck, whatever you end up doing! Initial dates don't have to be expensive, but do feed her if you offer her a drink and certainly don't expect a ROI right away - you'll come off as desperate!

[jay1983]

A polite girl would probably offer at least this, a true gentleman would probably decline.

 

There you go, you hit the nail on the head. If she offers, I'll decline for sure, but I've only had a couple that EVER offered, whether it's our first meet, 2nd, 3rd, 20th lol

 

I've never though about it until after we we weren't talking anymore other or somewhere down on the 10th date/meet. Then I'm like why was all that on me, why didn't she ever pay for anything, she works just like I do.

[jay1983]

I'm gonna pay, I was just curious what some of you had to say. About to head out, I'll update y'all tomorrow.

[acrosstheuniverse]

In your position I'd pay for the main expense (the meal, the tickets whatever) but if she offers to get something small like a round of drinks, then accept that.

 

I had a first date with a guy who insisted on paying separately at the cash register for two cups of coffee. He didn't get a second date, he just seemed utterly tight.

 

I had a first date with a guy where I bought my own drink as I arrived, he arrived and bought his own, then he paid for the next round of two drinks and I paid for the second. We split everything equally, but the gesture of being generous to one another was there. He's currently my boyfriend.

 

I happily pay my half in dating but personally, when someone starts trying to go Dutch splitting things, it's a little bit of a turnoff, the first two or three dates should be based on either the guy paying (sure it's not equality in action, I agree entirely. But most girls expect it so you can reject the notion but be aware of the possible consequences) or splitting in the way I mentioned (you get dinner, she gets dessert and a round of drinks).

 

Once I'm in a relationship with anyone anyway we either agree to go Dutch ahead of time (it's just before payday and we're both skint) or we treat each other 'you got last weeks, I'll get this!'. I would never understand a guy dating a woman that expected him to pay for everything EVERY TIME even during the relationship, my friend has an ex wife like that and she blames it on 'traditional values' but i can't help but think she found herself a golden ticket to sitting back and letting him finance their socialising.

 

So OP, just pay, if a guy texted me ahead of time suggesting we go Dutch I would cancel the date as I'd be turned off by the meanness of that. I've always had men pay for first date, often dinner, and to my knowledge even the ones I saw again didn't feel bitter about that, they enjoyed treating me to the meal and the expense was worth an evening of going out, having fun, getting to know one another and enjoying my company. I've stayed in touch with most of them as pals.