cjrubby Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Need Help to get passed this: I started dating a guy I met at work upon exiting the company. Classic story, everything was exiting, we had fun chats and even more fun on our dates. Our physical chemistry was amazing, in short, we had a blast! We shared some personal details and I learned that his mom was in hospice care in another country. He knew it was just a matter of time. The day I learned of his mother's passing I was checking in about the plans we had made for the weekend. He replied his flight was leaving and then it was radio silence for two weeks. When he returned to the states, my friend contacted me to share he was back at work. I waited a few days and initiated contact. He was as expected, no longer the same. His company had told him to come back and they changed his contract. All these things were going on in his life and I wasn't in the picture. It's been almost two months since we've seen each other and I wrote him a super nice email basically giving him an out. I outline all the positives: I've had so much fun with you, would like to see you again, you're still in my prayers, it's okay if you want out. He replied that things were busy and wanted to see me when time permitted. I was happy he was still interested. I waited a couple more weeks and still nothing. I wrote him another email a few days ago with the same positive feelings I have for him and added that too much time had lapsed since I saw him last. No, we haven't seen each other, not even for a few minutes in that time. I did this because it's unfair to wait, is how I feel. I lost both my parents and still can't imagine his pain. I miss him, I like him and want to give him space, but anyone interested enough would make the time. Anyway, this time there was no reply. I haven't initiated contact since and I won't b/c that would be crazy, needy, not confident, all the things men hate. I'm so sad, I feel rejected, I thought we were building a good friendship along with whatever we had. My heart is hurt, I can't function at work, all I want to do is cry. I honestly thought that he would reach out and at least say something kind. I didn't act crazy and stalked him. I kept going with my life and looked forward to when I'd see him again. If you've read this much, thank you and I'm sorry. Tell me what you think. I am now forced to stick with the no contact to be respectful to the both of us, mainly so he doesn't think I'm a crazy girl who can't stay away from him. The other reason is to prove to myself I have some dignity. What do you think? I so wish he would reach out to me again.
todreaminblue Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I am sorry that you miss him, maybe some time in the future he might reach out to you, then you can decide what you want to do when and if that happens.IT sucks to have to let go when you care for someone but you have sent him two emails, don't send anymore, it is a respectful thing to maintain the no contact, for both of you, you have told him how you feel on two occasions. I know personally dignity and respect isn't much solace to a hurt heart not that warm feeling of a budding friendship,but, when friendship is one sided it is far more painful to keep it going an dbeing disappointed constantly, than to step back and to have dignity and respectful silence in rejection. Trust me it is far worse to continue to try to be friendly and have him continually not answer you or worse than that is to show eventual disdain or contempt at your attempts at friendship....it is self esteem destruction maintain distance, heal that hurt heart of yours with friends who care about you if he reaches out at a later stage, decide then if his friendship is something you need in your life... in my experience it is best for anyone to give people a chance at friendship, things happen, past is past, and people can change but that will be up to you ...hugs...i wish you well...deb
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