Gauranga Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I'm going to take time to post my thoughts and feelings on this board every few days. It helps putting my thoughts out there, and I feel like a lot of introspective work I've done in the past will help me through this time. I feel hopeful that I will recover quickly due to self-awareness and acceptance. While there are times throughout the day I feel down, I feel lucky to be in this position. I’ve had realizations that I am unhappy with my life situation. I started acting in ways to keep the relationship going so I wouldn’t have to face the reality I was putting myself in. I feel love blinded me in other areas of my life, and that I had not developed elsewhere. I’m not who I want to be in any aspect of my life, and I want to continue to grow. I’m tired of wasting time and not getting to where I want to be. This breakup is distracting, but I know that growth and understanding will be the end result. I realize that there are lots of things with her personality that I didn’t like. I didn’t like that she was defensive, and closed off emotionally. I’m hoping this breakup encourages her to grow into the person she has expressed she wants to be one day. At this time, I accept we’re not who either person is looking for at this time in life. Maybe one day I will be the man she needs, and she will be the woman I need, but if not I’m ok with it because I’m becoming more clear on what I need in my life to be happy and fulfilled. For now, I’m looking at where I want to be and taking active steps to get there. I enjoyed having her in my life because she fulfilled my need for feeling loved and being social. I’ve made a commitment to spending more time with my family since they live locally. I never really made the effort before. I also feel that my financial situation has become stagnant. I understand that she began to feel uncomfortable at the lack of progress in that area of my life. Her reluctance to commit further is partly because of that, and I’ve taken a hard look and realized I need to get the abundance I desire in my life.
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