Is there a lack of morals or something more?

[No Limit]

I guess things would improve so much if people didn't stick to "what most others do". The opinions of a few people - girls by the way - I've heard made me sick to my stomach, one of the scariest line I heard went something like "those who don't cheat don't have the opportunity"; that nutjob spoke like cheating was the most normal thing in the world.

 

Well, I won't go down to that level. And about relationships being replaced-- if a BF/H cheated, I'd replace him immediately. Rather not waste time with these kind of people.

 

They say that after you heal, you become stronger and a better person for having gone through something like this. I don't see how going through something like this is beneficial.

 

I have become much, much stronger. But the pains I had weren't coming from a relationship, but perhaps the least thing that's changed should be your judgement and self-awareness.

[ponchsox]

It's so easy with online dating sites like Tinder and Ashley Madison to cheat in a relationship these days. Just think if your relationship can withstand these temptations and you remain loyal to each other forever, what a reward. If they want to leave early on, good riddance. Just do so before marriage and kids.

[FredJones80]

I guess things would improve so much if people didn't stick to "what most others do". The opinions of a few people

 

You have a point there, it seems to make it more acceptable, rather than people just doing as they wish.

[FredJones80]

I agree with you. I would rather be told the truth as horrible as it might have been.

 

Did you ever find out the real reason in the end?

[Jiivy]

My 2c

I believe that happy and healthy relationships are those where we *choose* to maintain them.

 

Love (and “in love”), in some respects, is a choice.

 

 

Anyone who claims that they “can’t change how they feel”, or “cannot act against their feelings” is absolutely full of it.

Now, they may have good reason to choose to leave the relationship. Errors, incompatibilities and hurt can erode at the source of love. But just because the “feeling” isn’t there?

 

 

That is selfishness. That is expecting someone to put the butterflies in your tummy and excite you forever, and if they don’t, you abandon them. That is expecting to feel “in love” all the time with someone, and if it drops before a certain baseline, you bounce.

Expecting to always feel “in love” is expecting my partner to excite me and make me happy, always. Expecting to “just feel it” all the time is, in essence, expecting your partner to do all the work for you.

 

 

That kind of expectation is cancer to a relationship. That’s an addiction to the feeling of love. That is a lack of effort and a willingness to quit.

 

 

If a relationship is unsatisfying, toxic or hollow – if there truly are no redeeming qualities – I support leaving beyond a shadow of a doubt. But I *do* get irritated when I see both dumpers and dumpees alike feel torn and heartbroken because they weren’t “feeling it” and just assumed the relationship was dead before even taking its pulse.

I believe that a happy and healthy relationship is full of love, support, and acceptance.

 

 

 

It’s bonding. I do not need to feel attraction towards my partner all the time. I need a *best friend* (who, yes, I will be attracted to more often than not…sex *is* an important part of it…just not the most important part). I need a literal partner.

 

 

 

Someone who will back me up. I accept that sometimes I will feel more “in love”, sometimes I will feel less, and sometimes I won’t feel it at all. I accept that my partner will annoy me, bore me, inadvertently hurt me and occasionally ignore me.

I accept this because I know that I am responsible for my own happiness, love and excitement. If I start to get bored with me relationship, then it becomes my responsibility to do something fun. If I don’t feel the connection, it’s my responsibility to communicate. If I don’t feel the attraction, it’s my responsibility to be romantic and seduce her.

 

 

It’s not just being happy on your own that brings a long, happy relationship – it’s being responsible for yourself. Being independent even when together.

 

I think Truth Hurts has a pretty damn good handle on the situation...I suppose I fall precisely in to the category you describe.

 

7 years, early 20's, Valentine's day, engaged from an early age.....DUMPED for someone else. Poof. "I want to explore new things, new people."

 

As much as I hate to admit it...you're probably right.

[FredJones80]

My 2c

 

****ing hell Jiivy. Where is that quote from? Its amazing.

 

I don't see it in this thread, unless I missed it, if not please can you link me to the thread where that was said and by who.

 

Word for word that is the truth.

[FredJones80]

.. actually that post cheered me up immensely because i'm having an awful day emotionally today

[jt27]

My ex once said to me that should looks at relationships the same way she looks at jobs. I am sure you draw a pretty good conclusion on what that means.

[carhill]

OP, if everyone lived by the same standards, preferably yours (mine if I'm the arbiter of morality in my world), there wouldn't be any discord. Heck, our prisons would be empty and the guards out of work.

 

That's not how the world works. People have different 'morals' or standards of behavior and these standards often clash, hence the discord you observe and the 'laws' we have regarding human behavior and interaction.

 

How long has this been going on? IDK, how long has our species existed? One only need sample recorded history for insight. IMO, it ain't changin' soon. Cycle? yep likely. That's how it goes.

[FredJones80]

My ex once said to me that should looks at relationships the same way she looks at jobs. I am sure you draw a pretty good conclusion on what that means.

 

Mine told me near the start, "nothing lasts forever"

 

I guess we picked people with the wrong outlook from the start huh?

[jt27]

Mine told me near the start, "nothing lasts forever"

 

Ironically, her new favorite song went by that same title "nothing lasts forever" by Maroon 5. She kept wanting to listen to it with me and now I know why. The lyrics are actually very fitting when I look back.

 

It is so easy to see

Dysfunction between you and me

We must free up these tired souls

Before the sadness kills us both

 

I tried and tried to let you know

I love you but I'm letting go

It may not last but I don't know

Just don't know

 

If you don't know

Then you can't care

And you show up

But you're not there

But I'm waiting

And you want to

Still afraid that I will desert you

 

Everyday

With every worthless word we get more far away

The distance between us makes it so hard to stay

But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts but it may be the only way

 

A bed that's warm with memories

Can heal us temporarily

But misbehaving only makes

The ditch between us so damn deep

 

Built a wall around my heart

I’ll never let it fall apart

Strangely I wish secretly

It would fall down while I'm asleep

 

 

God, reading these lyrics made we get teary...I feel like such a fool.

[Virgin26]

Through "googling" it, it appears that in nearly every case I can find online means they've met someone else.

 

I don't think that's always the case. I left relationships because they were toxic for me, I lost attraction, and there was absolutely no one else in the picture. Back in college, I broke up with my boyfriend because I was too stressed with engineering school, and just wanted to focus on my classes; I was single for 2 years after that breakup. My recent ex broke up with me and was still single months after the breakup (up to 1 month ago, never heard anything about him since then).

 

There are a variety of reasons that drive people to leave, but the one thing they have in common is the belief that they can do better (either right away or after a while of being single). It's always about the "grass is greener syndrome". Either someone else or the idea of singlehood becomes much more appealing. And to be honest, it's sometimes better for both parties even if the dumpee doesn't want to see or admit it.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Virgin26

[FredJones80]

It's always about the "grass is greener syndrome". Either someone else or the idea of singlehood becomes much more appealing.

 

Oh definitely. I do understand Google isn't a good source of answers and your post makes sense.

 

But I do agree it is about the grass is greener. As someone else so correctly put it, when someone ends it or gives up on you it's because they think their life will be better without you in it.

 

Either with no one else in it or someone else.

 

Well, I like to believe, the grass isn't always greener and sometimes people should be happy with what they've got. But you live by your convictions, sometimes it'll work out for the best, other times you'll regret your decisions.

 

It works both ways

[jt27]

I agree the grass isn't always greener. When does that standard end? There is no one person out there that is perfect or is going to meet all your expectations.

 

I firmly believe that a lot of people who do not get past this mindset will end up old and alone wondering why they can't find the "one".