Jatli Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I am so very sad today. I am actually sitting in my office at work with tears in my eyes. I miss him so very much and I can't get over it. I know he is with someone else now even though it has only been a month since the BU. I know he was seeing her before we BU although he has never admitted to seeing anyone, now or before. He always said no. I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks. I am in full NC and I hate it, hate it, hate it. I just miss the feeling of him around me, his voice, the look in his eyes, everything. I know his RS is probably just GIGS and will be more than likely be done sooner than later as she is also LD. But I am so mad at her as well for allowing this to happen knowing that he was in a RS. He has known her for years. She is older than him. (he is 57 I am 51). Yes I know he is at fault too and I am mad at him as well but damn her. I have never felt this devastated in my life. I feel like a teenager with all these emotions. I have been married 2 times and never felt like this. WTH?! I just want to crawl into my bed and cry. I seem to have every other day like this. I wake up at 3:37am every day and immediately he pops into my head. We had such an amazing RS, we laughed, got along so well, enjoyed hanging out, sex was awesome. Then this crap. He told me when we were splitting that he doesn't think this is the end of us and he cried when he was leaving me in my new apt. He said he doesn't know if he is doing the right thing, but it is something he has to do right now. He said part of him was sad but he was mostly uncertain. He saw me yesterday (we live across the street from each other) as I was going out for my walk (I have lost 23lbs) and he was in his car. He waved as he drove by, I just put my hand up and kept walking. I am so trying to not be sad, to not cry. I just want him to come back. (yes I know he is with someone else and he cheated) but the good things about us totally outweigh the bad and I am so much in love with this man. Don't get me wrong I will not just run into his arms if he does come back, there will be stipulations and it will not be overnight, but I do want him back in my life. My heart is actually aching.
d0nnivain Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 good for you on the weight loss! You are going to have good days & bad days. Today just happens to be a bad day. I used to play a game with myself: I would say OK I can go 1 hour without crying. Then 2, then 1/2 a day, then a day, then a week. Of course there were set backs but when I mastered one time frame, I'd move on to the next. After a while I forgot to "play" because I was no longer thinking about him. 1
Author Jatli Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 Thanks, the weight loss has been the only shining light in all this. I figure that if he sees me out walking once a month (I go every day) I will have lost so much weight that he will say to himself what the hell did I give her up for. lol I have also joined a tennis club to get into better shape and maybe meet some people along the way. (it is also across the street from where I live) I find I can't even talk to people about it. My 17 year old son is concerned and asks me if we are back together yet and he asks me what happened and I just tell him I can't talk about it. I can't even talk to my mother because she just keeps asking questions and every time I start to talk about it I break down and if you knew me I have a problem with letting my self cry. Even when we were splitting up and talking and I would start to cry I would shut my eyes and try to hold it back. He even said "you really don't like to cry do you?" and I do not. I was in a very abusive (alcohol and physical) marriage for 15 years and I got out of that. I spent the better part of those 15 years in tears and I told myself when I left him I would never allow an man to make me cry again. Now I am crying again, not like it was, because that was mostly over anger, but because my heart is truly broken. 1
learning_slowly Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 You're having a sad day, I'm having an angry day. We just need to try not to think about them and think about and do other things. Can you arrange to go out with friends or family tonight? Obviously reign in on the alcohol as it lets emotion get worse. Also try to do something your ex would not let you do at the weekend. Good luck and look at this way, if I ever cry, I feel a lot better after. But it's hard being a man. We build up a no cry feature and the most I can really cry for is a minute and I'd say the most I've cried is about 10 mins, so that probably builds up inside of me. Not sure it's a good thing Anyway all the best
learning_slowly Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Additionally should you be wasting your tears and your life over somebody who had chosen to abandon you? By telling you this, I have helped myself: got to stop wasting time. I'm sure they're not wasting time on us. Also might be worth getting a vitamin check. When I was down, I got one done and was lacking in vitamin d, magnesium and zinc. After supplements my thinking is generally more up and clearer.
Author Jatli Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 You're having a sad day, I'm having an angry day. We just need to try not to think about them and think about and do other things. Can you arrange to go out with friends or family tonight? Obviously reign in on the alcohol as it lets emotion get worse. Also try to do something your ex would not let you do at the weekend. Good luck and look at this way, if I ever cry, I feel a lot better after. But it's hard being a man. We build up a no cry feature and the most I can really cry for is a minute and I'd say the most I've cried is about 10 mins, so that probably builds up inside of me. Not sure it's a good thing Anyway all the best I am not much of a drinker so alcohol is not a problem with me however I was just thinking maybe I just need to get drunk but then I know I would want to talk to him if I was and I don't want to do that so alcohol - OUT. My ex never stopped me from doing anything I wanted to do we gave each other lots of freedom to each have our own lives outside of us (maybe that was the problem, I gave him too much freedom). I never complained when he did his own thing, I never bitched, I kept the house clean, did all the dishes, laundry, never once complained about anything. In 4 years we never had one fight. I just wonder, even if he is with "her" does he ever think about us? I know he doesn't see her every day (maybe a couple times a week as she is about 1hr away)
learning_slowly Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 In my experience, I may think about the woman. It all depends why you broke up. If its for another woman, its usually that you've made the choice to be with the other one and so you will feel guilty for hurting the ex, but you wouldn't have done it, if your happiness with the new partner didn't override the guilt. So sorry to say, but I imagine he is not spending too much time thinking about you. Also, hopefully you won't take this the wrong way, but you said you did the all the chores. You have to watch out, its easy for us men to see you as a replacement for our mothers, rather than a lover. Next time you need to push back a bit.
Reels Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Whatever happened was sad itself. Best thing you can do is, just try living your life without him. Seems like there is no way you will have him back, at this moment. Look around, there are many interesting things to do.
Tayla Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Wish there were magical words or actions to heal this sorrow you are experiencing. When I took my rose colored glasses off in my relations I saw it for what it was...the good the bad and the downright ugly. I accepted all the memories (painful as some were) and thru distance and healing...I came out stronger. Your sorrow is actually healing you...go with it...and thru it you will take off the glasses and learn that you are stronger then you let on. Be gentle to yourself...life is hard enough
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