Got it Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Jane what matters most is what you believe for yourself. There will ALWAYS be dissenting opinions about EVERYTHING. If you search long and hard enough someone will tell you what you want to hear (right now) that you are evil and immoral forever. But why do you have that script in your head? Are you afraid of letting go of the disgust? Are you afraid that you may fall back down the slippery slope? Is this process keeping you safe from moving on? Is it keeping you safe from testing your boundaries in a healthy and confident manner? Are you in therapy? I think your stbx message is a very important one and making sure you address this so it isn't bleeding over to the kids. I think one can stay in a very safe/comfortable spot in self-flagellation where moving past it is very scary and unclear. If you aren't beating yourself up then what are you? What does next steps look like? I suggest therapy to help you with this. You are a sum of your parts, this doesn't have to define you if you don't want it to. 1
Author janedoe67 Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 I'll tell you what part of it is. Every time...EVERY time I make progress..... Something I cannot quite definitive explain happens. it started in the fall of 2011, and it isn't overly frequent, but just frequent enough to make sure I "remember my place." I am honestly, in some ways, afraid that if I really heal it will escalate. Most of the time when I trigger, it is not just because some obviously bitter man has said the same old thing he always says on a forum. But I am working on it. I have a very smart son and brother and stbx, and they are all helping me. That said, yes, I am planning to start the counseling routine again in a couple of weeks. Work became such that I literally could not squeeze it in and drive to the person who I have been working with. And I rally like her. I have recently become aware of how important professionalism is in real counselors.
Got it Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I think you need to look at why you have this drive/desire to "remember your place" These moments are hitting your consciousness for a reason and what is the meaning behind it. Why are you ascribing what someone says makes you but the rope over your neck? Why do you feel the need to own it? Therapy will help with that as well as the all important question, if everyone else has already forgiven you why haven't you?
snappytomcat Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 jane like i have told my fws,the affair doesn't define what a kind of person he is,like you you know you made a mistake,and you are your worst enemy,cause i for one think everyone makes mistakes,and can be forgiven,wether youre a fws,an om or ow. we are all human,and we all sin take care jane
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