rec88 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 It's not an quick or easy process. If it was, this site wouldn't exist. The healing comes in waves, and you will regress and have a bad day sometimes. Understand this and don't let it get you down for too long. It will end. This starts with understanding that forgiveness is not a "fake it til you make it" thing. My best advice is to find something new that motivates you, that fills the gap your partner no longer occupies. Think about what that might be. Take time off work to achieve something special to you. Something that challenges you. Find a way to take that void that was once filled by your partner, and fill it with your own ambitions. If you can start to do this, you will appreciate all the great things this world has to offer and forgiveness will come naturally. It's a good feeling. 1
realfriends Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Forgiveness is the final form of love. Its something that helps me get closer and closer to full forgiveness every day 2
Author livingnightmare Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 It's not an quick or easy process. If it was, this site wouldn't exist. The healing comes in waves, and you will regress and have a bad day sometimes. Understand this and don't let it get you down for too long. It will end. This starts with understanding that forgiveness is not a "fake it til you make it" thing. My best advice is to find something new that motivates you, that fills the gap your partner no longer occupies. Think about what that might be. Take time off work to achieve something special to you. Something that challenges you. Find a way to take that void that was once filled by your partner, and fill it with your own ambitions. If you can start to do this, you will appreciate all the great things this world has to offer and forgiveness will come naturally. It's a good feeling. It really isn't easy as I find my mind at times drifting into the hate emotion and it takes a short while before I realize I'm doing this, I'm finding being aware of this is helping. Thats my plan from now on, big changes need to take place. I think I'm finally starting to really understand fully what I need to do.
Author livingnightmare Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Forgiveness is the final form of love. Its something that helps me get closer and closer to full forgiveness every day I'll remember that.
Author livingnightmare Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Early this evening I had intense feelings of hurt then anger, rage and a desire for revenge, they have at times run very deep within me and can take my whole days, weeks over, but for the first time today I became very aware of what I was doing and how this is going against my own healing. I don't usually clock on to what I'm doing to myself at all in this matter and its only since telling my ex I forgive her, posting on this thread and getting a better understanding from you fine people that I suddenly became really aware of my thoughts today, I realized this will have no effect on my ex in any shape or form, I also realize it has took a massive toll on my mental health over the years and will continue to do so If I keep torturing myself like this. I think I'm finally understanding that we keep ourselves from being happy when we feed the negative thoughts. To forgive is to stop punishing ourselves and realize we control how we feel in the end. For the first time I really feel like I'm in control. On another note I was attacked the other day by two guys and had no choice but to defend myself, my kickboxing training I use to do took over and I was able to kick some ass without loosing control or using extreme violence. The reason I'm saying this is I lost a lot of self esteem over these years and this somehow boosted it a considerable amount, it gave me a really strong sense of masculinity that I haven't felt in years..... So in the past few weeks out of 2 negatives (contact with ex and being attacked) they have turned into 2 positives it really gives me a strong sense of hope. I would like to add I am by no means saying put yourself in dangerous situations or have fights to get your self esteem back this was just circumstance. 2
Author livingnightmare Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Don't know why this weekend Ive been finding it hard to stop feeling angry, I am more aware of what I'm thinking, but really struggling to stop thinking this way. I'm also feeling bad in myself that I still feel like this after such a long time, I just can't understand why this has had this much an effect on my life all this time, I feel exhausted mentally and physically. I have been getting thoughts and urges to message her telling her she has some cheek to come back into my life begging for forgiveness just for her to loose some guilt at my expense. I feel used and abused again, I'm reading over my recent posts and I have been blaming myself for her actions, that I pushed her, trying to convince myself so I can feel better. I was no saint, but my actions were out of frustration from her abuse, and I have now basically told her I pushed her and accepted her actions were down to her past. I'm so angry right now. I'm not going to message her, but I do have a good mind to block her on absolutely everything again. I need to get my heavy bag set up right now as I'm gonna beat the crap out of it like never before, It's going on a tree so I can really go to town and throw some fly kicks on it. Grrrrr Feeling so mad, need to loose it before I go back on my forgiveness, if its even still there?
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