Spoonss Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 gonna make this short. Dated for 5 years she dumped me I was a mess for 6 months. its been about a year now, started seeing other women but damn do I ever miss my ex. I am ashamed to say I still cry now and then that shes gone. 2
ebt100 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I'm sorry man. I've browsed the forums, and it seems some do get over situations like this quickly, other take longer amounts of time, and some never really do get over it. A part of you will always be with her. A good amount of your life memories will have her in them. I'm not as well-informed/experienced on this as some are. All I can tell you is: I've looked back on times that I thought I was devastated over losing someone I was dating, and then from that time point I flash-forward to like a year later, and was doing awesome things with a new person and didn't care about the last. And then, looking back at that moment, knowing I had good things in my future, it's not so miserable. Good luck 1
STM206 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Try to picture where you were during the 1st month, to the 1st 3 months to a year. You see lots of improvement right? That's the only thing that keeps me going, is remembering the dark hole I was in a month after the break up, compared to now at 4 months. While I am far from "over" my ex, I have taken steps in a positive direction so to speak. 5 years is a good chunk of your life to spend with someone, give yourself time - you will get through this. 1
lauri Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I dated a girl for 3 years, my first love from 15-18. It was probably the toughest situation I ever went through...but in the end I got through it. I'll be honest, it probably took me a good 1.5 years to finally get to the point of indifference. Do not rush the healing process -you may miss her but in the end you gotta look after yourself first and foremost. Do not think that something is wrong with you because it isn't. 5 years with someone, even a friend, is a long time and would be very difficult to adjust to life without them. She is probably feeling similar in some ways if you did things right and went NC right away. One day, when you are fully healed, you will realize it was all worth it. Keep track of all the progress you have made - you should be proud and the more you keep going, the stronger you will become and the better you will feel. Don't look at the negatives, focus on the positives. 1
Maverick89 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Hey Spoons, I'm in a similar situation right now. I know how you feel, my BU was in October and I still think about my ex (also 5 year RS). Not all the time, but probably a 40% of my day I get to think about her. I sincerely hope we get over them, she was too my first love and we were making bigger plans together. I honestly think that this will pass... eventually... hopefully The world is full of surprises and we will probably find someone else, someone who is more special and we will get to think about our first love as the 'training' for this more mature, more fulfilling RS. The BU and the time that we're spending in here, thinking about our exes, is a training itself. Nobody lives their lives without some training, and lessons, this makes us stronger and more prepared for the future, and makes us better men and women. No one knows whats the timeline for getting over someone... it depends on the person, and maybe all it takes to get over her, is finding someone else that makes you feel better than your first love. I wish you the best of luck. 1
barky2 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I feel if it was a meaningful relationship that meant a lot to you, and was invested for awhile, you'll always carry a piece of them around. Inside jokes,places you ate, sayings ect. Will you get over them? Of course. You one day will be ok living without them, them being with someone else ect. And it goes for them, if they really truly loved you, might not be tomorrow or a year from now, but best believe, you'll be remembered too. Barky 3
unagedtiger Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 wow i feel so small compared to all these 3-5 years of first love breakups. mine has been less than around 4 months but I'm still struggling. Darn, this is a messy part of life. I've been doing better but minor flashbacks and hiccups haunt me. 1
iris219 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I dated my first love for over 4 years. I'm so over him I barely remember what he looked like. That breakup wasn't even the worse breakup I've been though, though it seemed bad at the time. It may take time, but I'm confident you'll get over her. 2
oracle Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I was with one person for 16 years. From 19-35. He was the only person I ever dated and loved. I don't think i'll ever 'get over' it like most people do over their 2-5 year mid 20s relationships. I am fine with things now, and being alone.. but its a big part of a very formative part of my life, and its taken its chunk of flesh, and you never get that back. 1
sooshi Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 If you truly care for someone, they'll always be in your heart. It's probably the safest and warmest place for them to be, if they're going to be a part of you at all. In terms of romantic feelings, yes, you can "get over" it. Maybe you realize that it wasn't truly love after all, and you come to learn that love is something more evolved than whatever was present during that particular relationship. You learn lessons and (hopefully) apply them into all aspects of your lives in a way that you are empowered, and others are as well. 1
No Limit Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Yeah, but my ex-crush made it really easy for me. 1. He was a bully. 2. Thanks to my worst foe he started running around in wide, ugly and worn-off sweatpants. 3. He got a few piercings (ear and nose); piercings are a major turn-off for me and the colorful piercings he wears at his ear look... homosexual, at best. No wonder it made his current GF cry. 4. Outside of my old class (where the girls around my worst foe basically worshipped him) his entire appearance just says "loser". The way he walks, sticks to groups of "friends" who barely listen to what he says and he just laughs whenever the others do... it's weird really. 5. His voice. Probably caused by the bullying thing but the sound of his voice is almost worse to me than the feeling of scratching my fingernail down on a piece of paper or the like, ugh. Usually in the day I'd get this loving feeling when even looking at him, but the last time I saw him (~5 weeks ago?) there was nothing at all. Only some worries 'cause I was around with friends from my new class and I hoped he wouldn't speak to me, else the topic of the evening would be "How did 'No Limit' ever meet a tramp like that guy?" 2
benkaye Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 gonna make this short. Dated for 5 years she dumped me I was a mess for 6 months. its been about a year now, started seeing other women but damn do I ever miss my ex. I am ashamed to say I still cry now and then that shes gone. Yes absolutely, DO NOT worry. I was a mess when I split up with my first love when I was 19 years old. It took me almost 4 years to get over her, and it wasn't until I met the next love in my life that I truly forgot about her. Granted, now that I've split up with my second love I'm in just as much of a state, but nonetheless I don't even think about my first love anymore. I see photos of her on facebook with her new boyfriend and I'm happy for her. You'll be fine 1
The Like Fairy Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I'm so over him I barely remember what he looked like. That breakup wasn't even the worse breakup I've been though, though it seemed bad at the time. Bingo I barely remember what several of them looked like, total indifference now but it took years to get to this place I'm at now. One thing that helped with a first love that I was hooked on from age 15 to age 30 or so was seeing him in the grocery store, balding and pot bellied. That was awesome and final closure
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