LoveinNEB Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Okay so let me start of by saying that i had this amazing date last night. The girl is funny, beautiful, loves football (a major plus), and she laughs at my stupid jokes. She's in one of my classes and we finally had our first date last night. We went and saw "The Boogyman" (by the way... really good flick, you might want to check it out) Okay, so the movie ends we go to a local bar and have a few drinks, connect like crazy and have a really good time. Well, the end of the night comes, i realized i had forgot my cap in her apt and so i ask if i could come in to get it. Well... once we get there... one things leads to another and well.... we end up sleeping together. Afterwards, we are both like we never meant for this to happen... it just kinda did. She told me she was kind of worried that i might not respect her because of the sex on the first date and she hoped that things weren't ruined. I told her repeatedly "just go with the flow and don't worry about it...i just want a chance that's all" I'm not really a conventional guy and i know there is always this looming thing with sex on the first date where a girl is considered a slut if she does it. (as sexists as it sounds, i don't think it's exactly the same w/ *most* guys) ANYWAYS... what do you think i should do? I want something different. I'm not into holding off sometimes (just because of the misconceptions of intercourse on a first date)... it's obvious i'm crazy about this girl and instead of saying things like "i think you are the most ideal girl i have ever wanted and i'm pretty sure i'm the most ideal guy for you and that it's almost scary how much i've been thinking about you...." i decided to go w/ something that wouldn't scare her off... who knows. I'm confused and i just want to make her feel better and not write me off or think i'm a playa, which i could be if i chose... but i'm honestly into this girl. Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas... etc? I see her tonight for the super bowl and well i know the subject will come up sometime... please help Thanks in advance.
VirginiaBob Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I think you should tell her that you need to bang her a few more times in different holes to make sure things are right between you.
Author LoveinNEB Posted February 6, 2005 Author Posted February 6, 2005 lol... something tells me that wouldn't go over so well
spiralingmess Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=darkred][/color] Girls will feel like they have done something wrong because that is how we were taught. But we live in a society where sex is a big part of day to day life. Just tell her that it would be great to start new, put the whole thing behind the two of you. Do it again when you're both "all for it." Me and my boyfriend were dating for 1 week on the dot when we had sex, and were fooling around after the first 2 days, but our relationship is very healthy, I think this girl may just be scared that thats all this relationship will be for. Sex. Let her know you like her for her mind as much or even more than her body. I hope his helps more than the others, like virginiaBob.
sportynut38 Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Tell her that it wouldn't have happened unless you both felt it to be "right" at the time, and that you are seriously interested in getting to know her. Good luck to you.
SoleMate Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Sex is also a problem because it fastforwards you into a place where one or both of you may feel much more involved than your actual relationship and knowledge of each other would warrant. All of a sudden, you're not just getting to know each other. If she wants a r/s with you long term, having gone as far as you did means that she basically needs to end whatever other r/s she may have been incubating. One of you may feel that there was not due consideration...that you got hustled into a relationship. All that said, I do know of cases where first-date sex has led to lasting relationships. It's not impossible. If I were you, I would say something like, "I'm hoping for a lasting relationship with you, and I wish we hadn't rushed into it. That night was incredible, but I want to take time for us to get to know each other before we do that again. It will mean more to me. We'll both know that it's really a choice, not just something that happened."
Pocky Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I'm confused as to why you have to say anything at all. Call her, ask her out and tell her how much you enjoy being with her. Why even bring up the topic of sex on the first date? I've already stated in that in another post that my three (and only) long term relationships I had sex on the first date. Had one of those guys come to me afterwards and said that they were interested in a relationship with me even though we had sex on the first date I'd ask him what the hell does that mean.
Hund1976 Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I agree with the last post, just don't bring it up, act like you would with a girl you liked who you are going on your second date with. If she brings it up then you could tell her that you think she's really cool and like her and don't go around banging everyone on the first date but she turned you on so much you lost control of yourself or something like that.
clynn Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Really - just let her know that you don't equate your sense of respect for with the timing of when you had sex. Let her know that if she prefers you could cool your heels and go backwards (tuff to do) but showing that you're willing would let her know where you stand. OR, make it impossible for the next couple dates to be evening dates. Take her to lunch, do fun daytime activities. Stuff to show her that you're into hanging out with her sans sex. A little reassurance will go a long way. The funny thing is that no matter how much you dig her . . . . . it will have an impact on either one or both of you and in the way that you get to know each other but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. And as great as she is now either one or the other of you could fall out of interest once you get to know each other better. It still has nothing to do with the fact that you had sex on the first date. That could happen wtih or without having had the s-e-x. Ask her if she enjoyed herself? Did she think you were pushy? I bet the answers will be Yes and No. She just wants reassuring. I think you're cool and I think that sex is cool too. I think that those guys that lose respect for a girl they previously dug because she had sex with him are kinda strange, cuz didn't they do it too? I bet that neither you nor she are big time sluts, but that you like to have fun and sex is FUN!
WalkingTall Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 All I have to say.... relationships that are founded on a physical relationship, are harder in the end to hold together. But I do say see where it leads, because without taking risks, the rewards may be that much smaller.
UCFKevin Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I wouldn't say that, necessarily, that's how my relationship with my ex began but we were together for 2.5 years and it went way beyong physicality. I dunno, I don't think sex on the first date is wrong. If it feels right, do it.
Mr Spock Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Originally posted by spiralingmess [font=times new roman][/font][color=darkred][/color] Girls will feel like they have done something wrong because that is how we were taught. But we live in a society where sex is a big part of day to day life. Just tell her that it would be great to start new, put the whole thing behind the two of you. Do it again when you're both "all for it." Me and my boyfriend were dating for 1 week on the dot when we had sex, and were fooling around after the first 2 days, but our relationship is very healthy, I think this girl may just be scared that thats all this relationship will be for. Sex. Let her know you like her for her mind as much or even more than her body. I hope his helps more than the others, like virginiaBob. Aren't you the 15 year old who wants a baby? And you're telling us you have a healthy relationship? Go out on another date, and see what happens. It may even be more relaxed and fun because you've got that big stress maker (boinking) out of the way. Just show her you're interested in her, the best way you know how.
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