Mary Oak Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 From my own struggles and the one I read here on the forum.. We, as dumpees, spend way to much time trying to decipher hidden meanings in what should be taken as face value. Reading and rereading every word the ex says to you is a detriment. It leaves you in the past. 42 days LC and I admit it still sucks!! I hate it, I am sad, I feel like a piece if me has died. But what it has done for me is to allow myself a little peace. I just keep telling myself that she wakes up every day and makes a conscious decision not to be with me. I don't have to try to read between the lines. I don't try to interpret each word. They don't matter. And everything she has said to me since we broke up almost two years ago, doesn't matter. What matters is she is right where she wants to be. If she wasn't she wouldn't be there. It offered hope to try to read between the lines. But there is no hope. If they come back to you and say I am sorry, I want to try again, and I am willing to do it together... Then there is hope. That's it. Nothing else matters. If they email you, call you, or text you, without that information, it doesn't matter and it will just hurt you This is what no contact has taught me. I am still not myself and this still is the worse part of my life so far. But I have learned that the exs responses or lack of mean nothing. It is me who has to pick myself up by my boot straps and move on. 2
FredJones80 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Great insight. What I don't understand is... I guess most don't decide to move on 1) because of grief and 2) holding out hope or not wanting to let go. If it is love then if you let go and move on... even in the remote chance they did come back and you had "moved on" then you can always try again if you want to resolve the original issues or accept their apology... if you don't then you have moved on, why can't we just get it in to our head?
Author Mary Oak Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I think if you have moved on then there will not be a question in your mind. If they do come back, you can always reevaluate where you are then. But, until then there is no use playing the "what if " game in your mind. I admit I still play that scenario out every day on my drive into work, but I know it is useless. We don't know what we would really do unless the situation arises. There is no way to "prepare". We all dream about these happy endings, but until it happens it is a life we live in our minds. I am still there. I can't get out of this hell yet, but the last 42 days have at least brought me some clarity.
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