Frivolous Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) So its been over years of not meeting anyone Id like a relationship with. I'm 27 and pretty keen to find someone as I've only ever had 1 love in my life, even starting to think we should never have broke up. However, to my surprise I met an awesome girl on Tinder Been on 2 dates but my dilemma is that I really don't know how to keep it going? I feel extra pressure as she is quite a catch as they say. I'm not sure how to explain but in a way I feel common in comparison to her. I don't want to put her on a pedestal but she's independent,well educated, drives a nice car, has a good job etc. I guess I feel a bit intimidated because I am 27 and have dated many girls but never a woman so to speak (she's 28). I'm in the realm of grown up dating which is new to me as I haven't long grown up So any tips for me?? What do you do/expect for the 3rd,4th,5th date? I worry about being a bit keen and I've been on 2 dates with someone before and never heard from them again! What are your dating experiences? i.e how long/much did it take for you to become exclusive? I know everyone is individual but how quickly would you expect a relationship with someone? Edited May 1, 2014 by Frivolous
Salvatore85 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 It's just natural mate. If she likes you, it will progress. If not, there's nothing you could've done differently. Just be yourself and have a good time with her.
LustAppeal Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 This all depends on so many things. Me and my current girlfriend didn't go on a single date(me and her alone out of the house) until two months after it became official. Met while out on the town and hit it off faster than ever. Come to think of it I haven't been on many dates, it's always been "Go with the flow, Come hang with my friends," kind of thing...
BradJacobs Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 So its been over years of not meeting anyone Id like a relationship with. I'm 27 and pretty keen to find someone as I've only ever had 1 love in my life, even starting to think we should never have broke up. However, to my surprise I met an awesome girl on Tinder Been on 2 dates but my dilemma is that I really don't know how to keep it going? I feel extra pressure as she is quite a catch as they say. I'm not sure how to explain but in a way I feel common in comparison to her. I don't want to put her on a pedestal but she's independent,well educated, drives a nice car, has a good job etc. I guess I feel a bit intimidated because I am 27 and have dated many girls but never a woman so to speak (she's 28). I'm in the realm of grown up dating which is new to me as I haven't long grown up So any tips for me?? What do you do/expect for the 3rd,4th,5th date? I worry about being a bit keen and I've been on 2 dates with someone before and never heard from them again! What are your dating experiences? i.e how long/much did it take for you to become exclusive? I know everyone is individual but how quickly would you expect a relationship with someone? Don't expect anything. Do what feels right.
Joangel Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Some people say fourth date, sex already. Others say fourth date spend more on dinner...it's all personal. I will say one thing, after dates 7,8,9... Decide if you want to be dating exclusively. There is nothing worse than a person dragging that out.
Author Frivolous Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 This all depends on so many things. Me and my current girlfriend didn't go on a single date(me and her alone out of the house) until two months after it became official. Met while out on the town and hit it off faster than ever. Come to think of it I haven't been on many dates, it's always been "Go with the flow, Come hang with my friends," kind of thing... I think that's why I'm struggling because meeting online makes the whole dating experience feel very formal and set. I feel like I have to be a box ticker and make a lot of effort rather than just let it happen within a group of friends. I think if the 3rd date goes well and ends with a kiss then ill be more relaxed. It's been 2 weeks since we started talking so I'm gonna try and not be so keen now so I don't come across as needy. I think the 3rd date is quite important so need some ideas! Again don't want to be too keen but want to impress. Any thoughts?
angel.eyes Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 You've learned something about her interests at this point. A third date can reflect shared interests rather than remaining generic. What are your dating experiences? i.e how long/much did it take for you to become exclusive? I know everyone is individual but how quickly would you expect a relationship with someone? We became exclusive on our third date. Every couple is different. Go with what feels right to you.
Author Frivolous Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 You've learned something about her interests at this point. A third date can reflect shared interests rather than remaining generic. We became exclusive on our third date. Every couple is different. Go with what feels right to you. Wow that's pretty quick! I don't think it will happen that quick with us but I can only hope! What did you do for your third date? Annoyingly she sent a text yesterday and I replied quickly but haven't heard from her since! oh the joys of liking and chasing someone! :/
Author Frivolous Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I still haven't received a text?! I know she's away for the weekend on a hen do now but I'm a bit worried that she hasn't made contact. How long would you go without contact before getting annoyed??
jaycee1 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 If she is away for the weekend then I'd give her the weekend. Maybe text her Monday ask how the weekend was and ask her out for next date. Being exclusive varies widely on every relationship. Last guy I dated was 5 months we never were exclusive. Guy I met few weeks ago, we met once and has been just him and I since. No talks yet but I know I am only one he is seeing or wants to see. You have to show her your interested but not in an over bearing way or too eager. Plan a date based on something she is interested in to show you have been paying attention. Also yes if you haven't kissed her yet then yes 3rd date you need to kiss her. Show her you are attracted to her.
Assasda Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 At least you know that youre being needy. What you do is you stop focusing on her and focus on yourself. First of all you dont anything about this woman in 2 weeks, so dont think that you even know her. All you need to do is have fun, and if she's not a fun person, kick her to the curb
Author Frivolous Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Thanks for your replies! I'm a bit worried as this was my last message ended with what time are you back on Monday? Rather than are you read for the weekend! She might of thought that was a bit needy but I only asked because it's the last day of a local event so was going to ask if she wanted to go. I wasn't expecting the daily messages to continue but I haven't heard from her since Thursday now :/. One of 3 things I think, 1 she's just busy and wants to enjoy the weekend, 2shes playing hard to get or 3 she's lost interest. What do you think?
sagetalk Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I feel extra pressure as she is quite a catch as they say. I'm not sure how to explain but in a way I feel common in comparison to her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no. Get that thought out of your head right now. Britney Spears had kids with Federline, women do not measure men the way you think they do (logically). They look at confidence, whether it is deserved or rational is meaningless. Repeat after me, "She is fortunate to be on a date with me". Don't go out with her again until you believe it. If not, you will be her bestest best friend in the whole world that she will never have any romantic interest in. You save thinking how great she is for your wedding night. 1
Author Frivolous Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no. Get that thought out of your head right now. Britney Spears had kids with Federline, women do not measure men the way you think they do (logically). They look at confidence, whether it is deserved or rational is meaningless. Repeat after me, "She is fortunate to be on a date with me". Don't go out with her again until you believe it. If not, you will be her bestest best friend in the whole world that she will never have any romantic interest in. You save thinking how great she is for your wedding night. My confidence levels are pretty low or unpredictable so it's a constant struggle when dating :/ I waited and text asking how her weekend was and still no reply I can't believe it after she text every day, made the effort to come on the 2nd date with a cold, said she would of kissed me if she didn't have a cold, said she wanted to see me this week.......I just don't get it and I'm really really gutted! If I don't get a text tomorrow (when she said she's free) then that's it I guess. After all that could am I not even worth a text to say she's changed her mind??!
Assasda Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 Stop acting like a kid that lost his mommy. Get out there and date other women and stop obsessing about one girl. By the way, The text abouit the weekend, was one of the worst things you can do. Texting about utter crap that women dont care about
Poppyolive Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 My confidence levels are pretty low or unpredictable so it's a constant struggle when dating :/ I waited and text asking how her weekend was and still no reply I can't believe it after she text every day, made the effort to come on the 2nd date with a cold, said she would of kissed me if she didn't have a cold, said she wanted to see me this week.......I just don't get it and I'm really really gutted! If I don't get a text tomorrow (when she said she's free) then that's it I guess. After all that could am I not even worth a text to say she's changed her mind??! Dude you really need to relax. Play it cool. Enjoy the thrill of the ride. People have lives, jobs, friends, families .. You've been on two dates already, she says she interested in seeing you...that's all you need to fill your head with now. Use the rest of your energy to keep up enjoying your life and planing your romantic moves and fun date ideas.
Author Frivolous Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Dude you really need to relax. Play it cool. Enjoy the thrill of the ride. People have lives, jobs, friends, families .. You've been on two dates already, she says she interested in seeing you...that's all you need to fill your head with now. Use the rest of your energy to keep up enjoying your life and planing your romantic moves and fun date ideas. In my book its unacceptable to go a week without texting someone you're dating otherwise you're just not that interested. Maybe I'm too easy/boring but at least I'm genuine. I'm just pretty gutted and surprised. I want to ask her to at least let me know if she has lost interest. Do you think that is reasonable?
Author Frivolous Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) Okay this thread is still relevant as I'm still single so thought i'd update it instead of starting a new one. I posted another thread about a girl i was seeing but I ended it due to us not being very compatible. So I'm still putting in time on the whole online dating thing as it's really the best option I have right now. This thread has reminded me that there is a reoccurring theme to my dating life of close but no cigar. So I get replies (a small amount), usually the conversations don't last either but I take it my looks aren't as much of a problem as my chat, guess I struggle to be funny over text and i'm guessing that's my downfall but i do try. Anyhow i recently had a stunning girl reply and add me on Facebook. On my first request for a meet, she was ill. I have messaged since with just a merry Christmas etc and she replied but didn't try to make conversation. So should I take it that she seen my profile and wasn't interested and is replying just to be nice?? Or should i ask her out again? Edited December 30, 2014 by Frivolous
Redhead14 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 So its been over years of not meeting anyone Id like a relationship with. I'm 27 and pretty keen to find someone as I've only ever had 1 love in my life, even starting to think we should never have broke up. However, to my surprise I met an awesome girl on Tinder Been on 2 dates but my dilemma is that I really don't know how to keep it going? I feel extra pressure as she is quite a catch as they say. I'm not sure how to explain but in a way I feel common in comparison to her. I don't want to put her on a pedestal but she's independent,well educated, drives a nice car, has a good job etc. I guess I feel a bit intimidated because I am 27 and have dated many girls but never a woman so to speak (she's 28). I'm in the realm of grown up dating which is new to me as I haven't long grown up So any tips for me?? What do you do/expect for the 3rd,4th,5th date? I worry about being a bit keen and I've been on 2 dates with someone before and never heard from them again! What are your dating experiences? i.e how long/much did it take for you to become exclusive? I know everyone is individual but how quickly would you expect a relationship with someone? Don't project that far out. It's a process, not an event. There are stages. Go through them all and take your time, don't rush things. Just ask her on dates, arrange next date by the end of that date and see how far you go from there. Projecting and having expectations so soon when dating doesn't allow you to actually see the person for who he or she really is and she isn't seeing the real you yet or even a glimpse. You are operating on endorphins right now. Go out on the dates with her. Take it one date at a time. Don't become intimate with her too soon either. If you are still dating after 2 months at the soonest, you have a discussion with her about exclusivity and see if she wants to enter into a relationship at all, not necessarily with you. You probably should be trying to steer conversations in that direction with her before that point anyway. Just casually say something like "I've been enjoying the dating scene (even if it's not true) and in the long run I'm looking for a long term relationship with someone. Talk about your goals for your life too. Just general, don't be specific about her. If she's looking for the same thing, great, you proceed from there. If you decide to be intimate with her and she is receptive, you bring up exclusivity. If she doesn't want that with you, you can either continue dating her until she is comfortable or you may have to move on. Just prepare yourself for that. Be accepting of her position and respectful. If she agrees to exclusivity, you are dating exclusively, but not in a full relationship yet. When you think you are ready to "commit' to a relationship, you ask her to be your girlfriend. Just because you are exclusive, doesn't mean it's a relationship yet. Exclusivity can last from a month to two or three depending on the couple. At each stage, evaluate your feelings toward her and guage hers as best you can. Just because you're crazy about her now, doesn't mean you will be down the road. There will be things that come to light that may change your feelings or hers. It's a gradual thing. Take your time.
Author Frivolous Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 Don't project that far out. It's a process, not an event. There are stages. Go through them all and take your time, don't rush things. Just ask her on dates, arrange next date by the end of that date and see how far you go from there. Projecting and having expectations so soon when dating doesn't allow you to actually see the person for who he or she really is and she isn't seeing the real you yet or even a glimpse. You are operating on endorphins right now. Go out on the dates with her. Take it one date at a time. Don't become intimate with her too soon either. If you are still dating after 2 months at the soonest, you have a discussion with her about exclusivity and see if she wants to enter into a relationship at all, not necessarily with you. You probably should be trying to steer conversations in that direction with her before that point anyway. Just casually say something like "I've been enjoying the dating scene (even if it's not true) and in the long run I'm looking for a long term relationship with someone. Talk about your goals for your life too. Just general, don't be specific about her. If she's looking for the same thing, great, you proceed from there. If you decide to be intimate with her and she is receptive, you bring up exclusivity. If she doesn't want that with you, you can either continue dating her until she is comfortable or you may have to move on. Just prepare yourself for that. Be accepting of her position and respectful. If she agrees to exclusivity, you are dating exclusively, but not in a full relationship yet. When you think you are ready to "commit' to a relationship, you ask her to be your girlfriend. Just because you are exclusive, doesn't mean it's a relationship yet. Exclusivity can last from a month to two or three depending on the couple. At each stage, evaluate your feelings toward her and guage hers as best you can. Just because you're crazy about her now, doesn't mean you will be down the road. There will be things that come to light that may change your feelings or hers. It's a gradual thing. Take your time. Thanks, that seems like pretty sound advice however it doesn't answer my last post.
Redhead14 Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 Okay this thread is still relevant as I'm still single so thought i'd update it instead of starting a new one. I posted another thread about a girl i was seeing but I ended it due to us not being very compatible. So I'm still putting in time on the whole online dating thing as it's really the best option I have right now. This thread has reminded me that there is a reoccurring theme to my dating life of close but no cigar. So I get replies (a small amount), usually the conversations don't last either but I take it my looks aren't as much of a problem as my chat, guess I struggle to be funny over text and i'm guessing that's my downfall but i do try. Anyhow i recently had a stunning girl reply and add me on Facebook. On my first request for a meet, she was ill. I have messaged since with just a merry Christmas etc and she replied but didn't try to make conversation. So should I take it that she seen my profile and wasn't interested and is replying just to be nice?? Or should i ask her out again? You have nothing to lose by sending her a more specific request to meet with a date, time and place but do it after New Years, say Saturday. You are making assumptions about why she responded and didn't make more conversation. It's the holidays, maybe she's just not thinking about online dating right now.
Author Frivolous Posted December 30, 2014 Author Posted December 30, 2014 You have nothing to lose by sending her a more specific request to meet with a date, time and place but do it after New Years, say Saturday. You are making assumptions about why she responded and didn't make more conversation. It's the holidays, maybe she's just not thinking about online dating right now. I just find it odd that she added me on Facebook from a dating app and then hasn't attempted to make conversation, even just a little to show interest. After all she should be able to tell quite a bit about me from my Facebook. I will put it down to not being the right time of year but I just don't want to be the guy that can't take a hint. This girl is stunning! In fact it's a little odd she added me to Facebook so quickly without out hardly any prior conversation?? I feel like i'm working in a friend zone now. Anyhow, I'm not sure how to proceed? Just ask her out for a drink?
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