neule9 Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 My boyfriend and I are on a "break?" What is a break really? How long do they last? After we discussed that we were going on a break, he walked me out to my car, said I love you and he will talk to me soon. But, in my heart, I feel like a break is really breaking up. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. My family tells me he will not let me go, I just feel otherwise. We are on this break because he wants time to understand why he feels sometimes that we're not the best for each other. I just don't understand....A week before this break he gave me a key to his house, and asked me to come by every night. This hurts me so much because I do love him very much. This is my first thread, I have been reading the posts, there is alot of good advice on here, I am hoping someone could tell me what a break really means, and what happens during a break and afterwards?
DinNJ Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 What happens is up to you and the way you handle it.... If wants the break, so give it to him. Don't pester, don't push for reconcile.... He asked for space, let him have it... This way it'll give him time to think about what he has done and could possibly lose.
UCFKevin Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 A break is basically this: Freedom and happiness for one. Complete and utter misery for the other.
neule9 Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Thats horrible....complete happiness for the other person? Is that really how it works? I think I am even more upset now. i have been with him for 4 and a half years. We would discuss breaking up, but never do it. He says that if we did it 2 years ago, maybe this wouldn't be happening now. I don't know if we are on a break for him, or if we are broken up. He just bought a condo, and it is now time for us to take another step and live together. Maybe he is getting nervous? I don't understand. Like I said before, we don't distance ourselves, I still get the phone call every day, he sent me the text message last week that said I love you. I will not call him or email him though. Does this help?
UCFKevin Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Well, I mean it could be different in your case, of course, but from what I've read and also experienced first hand, going on a break means for one person to be able and go out and do their own thing, maybe even date other people just to feel the freedom they've lost, while the other person, namely you, sit at home, miserable, wondering, "Where is he? Who's he with? Should I call him?" Or he could be nervous and needs to think things thru before asking you to move in with him, maybe. Doesn't have to be negative, but I would say generally breaks lead to break ups and are just a ridiculous waste of time middleman.
Merin Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 After 4 years together he wants some "Me time".. Personally, I don't believe in "breaks" I don't see the point in it.. While he may be needing some time to get it together (so to speak) about possibly taking the next step and living together, I guess IMO I cannot see the reason to go on a "break" to do this.. You've said he just bought a Condo.. is this the first time he's lived on his own? IF it is.. it would indicate TO ME (and I want to make this clear, that it's only my opinion here) that maybe for the first time he is feeling some "Freedom" in living on his own without anyone looking over his shoulder, and.. he likes it. The relationship has been ongoing for 4 years.. and perhaps he feels that you're wanting to make things more "permanant" in possibly moving in with him.. and right now, he's looking for that freedom of being on his own, but doesn't want to tell you.
UCFKevin Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 When I'm in a relationship again and the girl wants a break, I'll tell her not to bother because it's over.
FolderWife Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 It is MY UNDERSTANDING that a break is when you have little to no contact. You do not date other people. He does not date other people. You just don't see each other. You don't call each other. You do not sleep with each other. Then, when the person who initiated the break has done whatever it is they were trying to do, or figure out, then he or she will call the significant other that is also taking a break, and they will discuss getting back together. It's just space really. YOu are still together, but you aren't seeing or speaking to one another...unless minimally.
neule9 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Thanks merin for replying...your thinking sounds so logical, and makes so much sense. But, I'm just not sure...I don't know how much he really enjoys living on his own. He doesnt go out during the weekdays, just comes home and watches tv. He is actually going home every weekend to stay with his parents. I always told myself I would never take a break, it is ridiculous, and I have told him tihs numerous times. Do you think it is possible that someone might actually need a break just to assure they CAN get the freedom from the other person? Just as a way to show they are not trapped, and things will be permanenet not because I say it is time, but because he does, it might put the person in more control when they feel they lost it? What do you guys think? Thank you so much for your time.
neule9 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 me, i could not sleep with someone else right now. It is not in me. Is that what you asked?
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 I was asking can u officially sleep with someone when you are on a break..like u cant date but is sleepign with someone ok.. oh you could...to try to get over... the easiest wa to get over ur ex is to be under someone else
neule9 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 thanks for your consultation emotions...= ) but, I guess we can both sleep with someone else..ironically, when we decided to take this"break" i said to him I didn't want him back if he slept with someone else, and why would he want me back if i slept with someone else, it would be just too weird. (we both lost our virginity to each other) His reply was "I am not even thinking about that right now." The thought never crossed his mind that we would even get to that point! That would kill him if i slept with someone else, i think anyways.
UCFKevin Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 It is MY UNDERSTANDING that a break is when you have little to no contact. You do not date other people. He does not date other people. You just don't see each other. You don't call each other. You do not sleep with each other. Then, when the person who initiated the break has done whatever it is they were trying to do, or figure out, then he or she will call the significant other that is also taking a break, and they will discuss getting back together. It's just space really. YOu are still together, but you aren't seeing or speaking to one another...unless minimally. Your understanding sounds about right, although I think you can date other people, kinda. But otherwise, well said. But just read what's said in this quote. Is this not absolutely F*CKING RIDICULOUS? You are still together but you aren't seeing or speaking to one another. Am I the only one who thinks that's incredibly stupid? Screw breaks. Things should be worked out. Taking a break is like running away like a coward. "Ohh, I don't know what to do! I'm out of here! Enjoy your misery while I try to figure things out! I may or may not call you in a month!" Wow. That sure sounds like love to me.
snilljente Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 I agree Kevin.....it's just the coward's way out...the guy I was dating this summer suddenly needed "space"...because of some really hard personal things going on in his life he said and we would be back together...I bought it, so while I was at home feeling sorry for what I thought he was going through, he was out screwing some other chick....When a guy says he needs a break he is just too much of a coward to break up...real couples like I thought this guy and I were work through problems TOGETHER.....they don't need a break from the other person to work on their problems.....
Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by neule9 thanks for your consultation emotions...= ) but, I guess we can both sleep with someone else..ironically, when we decided to take this"break" i said to him I didn't want him back if he slept with someone else, and why would he want me back if i slept with someone else, it would be just too weird. (we both lost our virginity to each other) His reply was "I am not even thinking about that right now." The thought never crossed his mind that we would even get to that point! That would kill him if i slept with someone else, i think anyways. You know what words stuck out in my mind here.. when he said "I'm not even thinking about that RIGHT NOW" Uh.. what?! Neule, you seem like a very sweet girl, and you obviously care a lot about this guy.. would it kill him IF you were to have sex with someone else while on this "break" yeah.. it would probably eat him up.. BUT heres the kicker sister.. to begin with he pretty much knows YOU'RE NOT the kind of person who's going to do that.. so yeah, he's got that going for him.. BUT IMO this is a RISK he is WILLING to take.. and that my friend, is NOT OKAY. When you're into someone, I mean REALLY into them.. you don't put them out there.. say well we're on a break and take the risk that the other person could potentially meet someone else, have sex with someone else.. know what I mean? I'm not saying he doesn't care about you Neule.. but I'm asking you.. is it enough? Only you know the answer to that... I'm with Kevin.. IF my SO told me ''Well, let's have a break" I too would tell him "Let's not.. and don't bother calling me anymore." Wishing you the best
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 i admire u girl. i have learnt so much from u. thanks
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