malin819 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I have one of those days when you want to contact your ex. Its been 2 weeks since she broke it off once again. We only exchange a few txts one night that turned out to a argument. 2 1/2 months ago she dumped me...same day she joined a some dating sites and next day was sexting with a guy she gave her number at the bar. I try to remember those situation to remind me I'm worth more then that but yesterday one of our mutual friend told me she is going crazy adding a bunch of guys on facebook (some guys that I know) I really want to reach out and gave her hell...tell her she needs to fix herself up because I never saw anybody seeking attention and validation like that. She made me look like the bad guy but I'm the one who did group therapy and still is seeing a therapist. I felt like a yoyo...one day I was the love of her life and she would do anything for me and send the most amazing txts and the next day she would say I think we could be friends sorry for venting but I have been into hell in my past 2 relationships...
lauri Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I have one of those days when you want to contact your ex. Its been 2 weeks since she broke it off once again. We only exchange a few txts one night that turned out to a argument. 2 1/2 months ago she dumped me...same day she joined a some dating sites and next day was sexting with a guy she gave her number at the bar. I try to remember those situation to remind me I'm worth more then that but yesterday one of our mutual friend told me she is going crazy adding a bunch of guys on facebook (some guys that I know) I really want to reach out and gave her hell...tell her she needs to fix herself up because I never saw anybody seeking attention and validation like that. She made me look like the bad guy but I'm the one who did group therapy and still is seeing a therapist. I felt like a yoyo...one day I was the love of her life and she would do anything for me and send the most amazing txts and the next day she would say I think we could be friends sorry for venting but I have been into hell in my past 2 relationships... I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand this is extremely tough on you - but I promise you, reaching out to her will only validate her feelings and will make you appear weak. The chances of you and your ex getting back together are slim to none. But if you want to ruin any chance of it happening, go ahead and reach out to her. Put yourself into more pain, push her further away and put yourself back to day 1. How immature will you look reaching out to her for adding multiple guys? My ex did the same thing - I didn't say a word to her. I maintained NC for 4 months, broke it 1 day, went back for another 5. Look at my recent thread about her coming back to me at 9 months saying everything she is saying. Want to know the best part? Because I maintained NC I was able to keep a cool head, make a rational decision and protect myself. Nothing you say or do will make you look better. She may be reaching out to tons of guys, she may be doing all of these things - but who cares? In the end, those guys won't be you. You will see, if you maintain NC she will begin to doubt her decision. The minute you speak to her, the minute she realizes nothing has changed and she did the right thing. You have to realize that talking to her will not change anything. You need to better yourself, regain control of your emotions and be a mature good guy. If you go and talk to your ex without having control of yourself, you are only going to say and do things that will cause you two to fight (as per your last exchange of text messages). I promise you things will get better in the long run.
Author malin819 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I understand what you are saying and I have self control and a great circle of friends. I get those urges less and less to contact her and to be honest I don't plan on getting back with her. I felt like a yoyo for months and it destroyed me. I know what I want and where I'm heading but I need a partner with a head on her shoulders 1
Michael 93 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 @lauri Hi Lauri, your response has helped me so much. thank you! I completely understand what you are saying and I definitely think that's the best way to approach things. However... What if you initiate NC but she texts or calls? Then how would you approach things? I feel very confused at the moment. Sorry to the OP for thread jumping however not sure on how to PM on this site.?
lauri Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I understand what you are saying and I have self control and a great circle of friends. I get those urges less and less to contact her and to be honest I don't plan on getting back with her. I felt like a yoyo for months and it destroyed me. I know what I want and where I'm heading but I need a partner with a head on her shoulders I'm really happy to hear you have those things. The main thing is you are venting and going through your ups and downs. Just remind yourself of these things to keep strong and avoid being drawn into a toxic situation. @lauri Hi Lauri, your response has helped me so much. thank you! I completely understand what you are saying and I definitely think that's the best way to approach things. However... What if you initiate NC but she texts or calls? Then how would you approach things? I feel very confused at the moment. Sorry to the OP for thread jumping however not sure on how to PM on this site.? Let your ex constantly call you and text you - but ignore it. Unless your ex comes back to you begging for your forgiveness and asking for you back, you will not hear what you want to hear from her. From my experience, talking to your ex will bring you zero benefit...instead you will have false hope. The only time I would suggest even talking to an ex is when you are completely over her. Judging by how you are confused, I think its clear to know you aren't over her and you still need to regain yourself. If you talk to your ex, it'll only confirm to her that she "made the right choice" and she is "over you". If you get over her, then you would be able to look at the situation with her more clearly, realize who she really is, make better judgment calls and avoid getting hurt. Even if you ex DOES come back begging saying she made a mistake, I still would tell her you aren't ready to jump back into things and made her realize she cannot switch decisions on a consistent basis. You need to be 100% healed before you even consider going back with someone. With that said, more times then not, after it is over, it is over forever because we make so many mistakes trying to get them back in our lives instead of focusing on the most important thing, ourselves. Improve yourself and everything else will follow afterwards.
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