itsallmental Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 After the hardest month of my life, I'm on my way to healing. I've learned a few things along the way that I'd like to share! I wish I could give full credit to each any every person who has taken the time to give me thoughtful advice. Since that isn't possible, this is my way of paying it forward. Remember these are my opinions, based on my experiences. Take my words with a grain of salt, what I'm writing may only apply to me, but it might be able to help you. 1.) Every emotion comes in waves, don't let yourself fly off the handle. It's easy on a bad day to want to break no contact, to send that letter you've been saving, or throw out that special birthday present. Don't.Take time to think things through, post here, allow yourself time to return to a better state of mind.Regretting a spur-of-the-moment decision can damage your healing process, it's much better to be patient. There's no rush, no expiration date. 2.) Nothing is as it seems. You cannot predict their actions, don't over analyze or try to get in their head. There are far too many variables at play, what you think is the case, for better or worse, likely is not.You cannot predict the future, nor understand their actions fully, it's easier if you focus on you. 3.) No Contact is best (most of the time). No contact is essential, stick to it whenever you can! Easier said than done, breaking no contact is not the end of the world, and sometimes necessary. (I've come to a better understanding of the situation by talking with her.)If you do break no contact, do so in a receptive, calm, and understanding way, ONLY DO SO if you'll be better off knowing the answers you seek.Answers will hurt, but they may help.Evaluate your situation, determine outcomes, act rationally. 4.) Take the idea of reconciliation seriously but cautiously. There is nothing wrong with leaving some doors open (imo) but don't stand under the arch. (What I mean is, you don't have to cut them entirely out of your life, but don't sit around waiting for them. For example, unfriend them on facebook, but maybe don't block them.)Remember: They left you, for what ever reason, they gave up on the relationship. Consider this when and if you consider a second chance.Every person and relationship is different. Make sure you do what is best for YOU in the long run. If you don't think you can trust them again, let them go. You'll be better off! 5.) You know the situation better than anyone. Make informed decisions, but let those decisions be your own.Take responsibility for your actions.Advice is incredibly helpful, but you know all the dirty details, use that to your advantage, in conjunction with friends, family, forums, etc.! 6.) No Regrets The past is dead, move forward.You can't change the past, but you can change the future.Regret is often blown out of proportion in our own minds, its emotional, but it revolves about "would'a, could'a, should'a". Hindsight is 20/20 my friend.Learn from everything, lessons are so valuable for the future. 7.) FOCUS ON YOU! The ex is not the focus anymore.Do everything you can to better your emotional and physical health.Shift your mental energy towards yourself.Practice positive thinking.This is about healing, once that is complete, you can start to consider "What's next?" I hope that this may have helped, remember, you can make it!! Please comment! Tell me what you think, constructive criticism will benefit everyone! Add any thoughts that might aid others and myself. Good luck everyone! 1
learning_slowly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I am having a bit of an emotional day, and your post helped immensely. Thanks. 1
Author itsallmental Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I'd like to mention: I definitely don't mean to say that you should break no contact. But I think in some cases it can be beneficial. It's always dependent on the situation though. My main point is: don't beat yourself up if you already have, or feel like you need to break no contact. But if so, be careful and aware of what you're doing. I definitely recommend no contact for healing. It's been really helpful to me.
learning_slowly Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Yes, but there can be times when you get angry and I reàlise it's nobodies fault. But you realise some things they said to you were lies or they misunderstood, so you want to have a moan. But in a logical frame of mind, you reàlise what's the point: they're no longer in my life
Author itsallmental Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Yes, but there can be times when you get angry and I reàlise it's nobodies fault. But you realise some things they said to you were lies or they misunderstood, so you want to have a moan. But in a logical frame of mind, you reàlise what's the point: they're no longer in my life Yeah exactly. Overall, i think It's best not to contact them unless it's absolutely necessary to your healing. For example, I found out that she left me for someone else. For my own sake, I had to say something to her, it set me back, but it also allowed me to accept the situation with better understanding. It's a balancing act, so as you're working on figuring out what's best for you, be patient, be thoughtful, and then decide what's really going to best help you move forward! 1
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