Relationship breakup, !

[Josh1996]

I've been through a break up and it has really changed the person who I was, to start it off I was with my ex girlfriend for about 2 years and have known her for 5 overall. Around the start of march the relationship between us was going really well and we were happy until Friday came and was a really bad day, I had to submit 8 assignments on the day and I heard the news of my grandad passing away. I was in shock and I broke down, my girlfriend asked me if I was okay and that was a stupid question to ask, this then started an argument which then made things worse by bringing in friends. She said that we should break up because she was sick of the arguments (only the second one in two years) and I didn't respond because of the way I was feeling and then realisation took place when I realised I lost two people that I loved so much in the same day. The weekend that this happened I was in bits, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and would not talk to anyone. On Tuesday I saw my ex and we sat down to talk about what we wanted, she said that she didn't love me as much anymore and doesn't see the future with me and that hurt me more. From this it gets worse by saying she did not want a relationship with me but was still physical towards me (hugging, kissing and intercourse) which was really confusing my mind. Since my grandfathers funeral I was seeing her a few times a week and we would be normal around each other until she was with her friends which then she would turn blunt towards me and then wouldn't talk to me for days. It has been 7 weeks since the breakup and I'm starting to adjust what has happened but I still have really strong feelings for her and they won't seem to go away. Is she worth chasing? She has also said I want you in my life but as friends for now? Does that give me chance for the future? Or should I give up and move on?

Edited May 1, 2014 by Josh1996
Title change

[J2911]

I've been through a break up and it has really changed the person who I was, to start it off I was with my ex girlfriend for about 2 years and have known her for 5 overall. Around the start of march the relationship between us was going really well and we were happy until Friday came and was a really bad day, I had to submit 8 assignments on the day and I heard the news of my grandad passing away. I was in shock and I broke down, my girlfriend asked me if I was okay and that was a stupid question to ask, this then started an argument which then made things worse by bringing in friends. She said that we should break up because she was sick of the arguments (only the second one in two years) and I didn't respond because of the way I was feeling and then realisation took place when I realised I lost two people that I loved so much in the same day. The weekend that this happened I was in bits, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and would not talk to anyone. On Tuesday I saw my ex and we sat down to talk about what we wanted, she said that she didn't love me as much anymore and doesn't see the future with me and that hurt me more. From this it gets worse by saying she did not want a relationship with me but was still physical towards me (hugging, kissing and intercourse) which was really confusing my mind. Since my grandfathers funeral I was seeing her a few times a week and we would be normal around each other until she was with her friends which then she would turn blunt towards me and then wouldn't talk to me for days. It has been 7 weeks since the breakup and I'm starting to adjust what has happened but I still have really strong feelings for her and they won't seem to go away. Is she worth chasing? She has also said I want you in my life but as friends for now? Does that give me chance for the future? Or should I give up and move on?

 

 

Hey friend ,

Sorry for the loss of your grandfather. That is rough.

I would not chase her in the least. You were under a lot of stress and she showed no compassion and understanding to you and that is not good at all. If she thinks two arguments in two years is bad enough to bolt then how in the world does she expect things to be when she marries in the future . Marriage comes with a lot of stressful times with decisions and bills and responsibilities and disagreements and support for ups and downs. This would not be an ideal partner for anyone if they think every single day in life is stressfree , sunshine , roses and clowns everyday.

You needed support and she didn't show that so run away and count your blessings there and wait til a good girl comes along who is kind and sweet and compassionate to you and you to her by all means.

The other statements about her being one way and then the complete opposites around her friend is a bad sign too.

That means that she will always run to her friends and family when there is an issue and make you look very mean and then you will always feel very uncomfortable around her friends and family too and you do not need that .

I wish you luck on this and think about these words please .

[Elle1975]

I've been through a break up and it has really changed the person who I was, to start it off I was with my ex girlfriend for about 2 years and have known her for 5 overall. Around the start of march the relationship between us was going really well and we were happy until Friday came and was a really bad day, I had to submit 8 assignments on the day and I heard the news of my grandad passing away. I was in shock and I broke down, my girlfriend asked me if I was okay and that was a stupid question to ask, this then started an argument which then made things worse by bringing in friends. She said that we should break up because she was sick of the arguments (only the second one in two years) and I didn't respond because of the way I was feeling and then realisation took place when I realised I lost two people that I loved so much in the same day. The weekend that this happened I was in bits, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and would not talk to anyone. On Tuesday I saw my ex and we sat down to talk about what we wanted, she said that she didn't love me as much anymore and doesn't see the future with me and that hurt me more. From this it gets worse by saying she did not want a relationship with me but was still physical towards me (hugging, kissing and intercourse) which was really confusing my mind. Since my grandfathers funeral I was seeing her a few times a week and we would be normal around each other until she was with her friends which then she would turn blunt towards me and then wouldn't talk to me for days. It has been 7 weeks since the breakup and I'm starting to adjust what has happened but I still have really strong feelings for her and they won't seem to go away. Is she worth chasing? She has also said I want you in my life but as friends for now? Does that give me chance for the future? Or should I give up and move on?

 

First, sorry about the death of your grandfather.

 

Do you chase her? No! You do the opposite. You cut all contacts.

 

This emotional back and forth bull**** has to stop. Cut all ties.

 

She gave you the typical bs line "lets be friends". Do not agree, and do not believe that.

 

And be careful, most likely she will try to contact you. Don't reply. She's been clear, she doesn't want the relationship, only sex when it suits her. Till she finds another guy most likely

[SCJACK]

When she asked if you were okay, yeah it can be a stupid question because obviously you are not. But it was a nice gesture to say to someone when you see something is wrong and it is pretty common to say actually. I wouldn't look into it too much, instead you should have been more appreciative that she asked that instead of not saying anything at all.

[Josh1996]

Hey friend ,

Sorry for the loss of your grandfather. That is rough.

I would not chase her in the least. You were under a lot of stress and she showed no compassion and understanding to you and that is not good at all. If she thinks two arguments in two years is bad enough to bolt then how in the world does she expect things to be when she marries in the future . Marriage comes with a lot of stressful times with decisions and bills and responsibilities and disagreements and support for ups and downs. This would not be an ideal partner for anyone if they think every single day in life is stressfree , sunshine , roses and clowns everyday.

You needed support and she didn't show that so run away and count your blessings there and wait til a good girl comes along who is kind and sweet and compassionate to you and you to her by all means.

The other statements about her being one way and then the complete opposites around her friend is a bad sign too.

That means that she will always run to her friends and family when there is an issue and make you look very mean and then you will always feel very uncomfortable around her friends and family too and you do not need that .

I wish you luck on this and think about these words please .

 

 

Thank you for the advice I've been slowly getting over the fact that my grandfather has passed away, I have also stopped texting my ex as much as I used to, as an update it's her birthday on Sunday and I was wandering if wishing her a happy birthday is that a wrong thing to do? Another thing that has changed all this around is that yesterday around 6pm I had a text off her saying that she was around her friends, but I later learned to find out this was a lie and I walked passed her hugging and kissing another male. This made me much more upset and angry, also making me realise I don't recognise her anymore and she seems like a totally different person that I fell in love with. Finally I still can't shift my feelings anywhere they are still stuck there.

[J2911]

Sadly , no do not contact her nor do not wish her happy birthday.

This last post you made about the update, reread it about five times , then keep reading our posts and threads here about how to move on from situations like you are going through with her ( trust me you will find them here ).

I'm so sorry for your situation and pain .

You will get through this trust me , time will heal you I promise so keep hanging tough.

Don't contact her in any way , no matter how painful . Walk away fast .

If things get too unbearable for you, seek a counselling ok friend .

[Josh1996]

Sadly , no do not contact her nor do not wish her happy birthday.

This last post you made about the update, reread it about five times , then keep reading our posts and threads here about how to move on from situations like you are going through with her ( trust me you will find them here ).

I'm so sorry for your situation and pain .

You will get through this trust me , time will heal you I promise so keep hanging tough.

Don't contact her in any way , no matter how painful . Walk away fast .

If things get too unbearable for you, seek a counselling ok friend .

 

 

 

I have been to counselling for quite some time now but it seems it's being a little useful to talk about the way I am feeling, I'm really just annoyed to the fact that I trusted this person and I fell in love with her but it seems like she isn't tat person anymore. I have trust issues which I don't really bother with many people because I haven't had the best social life with people. It's been hard over the last month with everything and I just guess that it's for the best and I am grateful for your advice thank you friend.

[J2911]

I have been to counselling for quite some time now but it seems it's being a little useful to talk about the way I am feeling, I'm really just annoyed to the fact that I trusted this person and I fell in love with her but it seems like she isn't tat person anymore. I have trust issues which I don't really bother with many people because I haven't had the best social life with people. It's been hard over the last month with everything and I just guess that it's for the best and I am grateful for your advice thank you friend.

 

 

I hope you are feeling some better josh

[Josh1996]

I hope you are feeling some better josh

 

I am getting better slowly but this weekend has been a nightmare, arguments with friends happened and when walking home I saw my ex holding hands and kissing another person. That made me angry and upset and I didn't know what to do, she instantly messaged me in Facebook saying hi so she must've seen me, so I asked where were you playing it cool and she said revision which I know she was lying to my face. To find out for nyself physically she is seeing another person kills me.

[J2911]

I am getting better slowly but this weekend has been a nightmare, arguments with friends happened and when walking home I saw my ex holding hands and kissing another person. That made me angry and upset and I didn't know what to do, she instantly messaged me in Facebook saying hi so she must've seen me, so I asked where were you playing it cool and she said revision which I know she was lying to my face. To find out for nyself physically she is seeing another person kills me.

 

 

That initial shock when you see it is absolutely heartwrenching .

On one hand , we pray that our partner is not cheating .

On the other hand, we pray for the sign to find out and let us know for sure .

Then when it's seen first hand ( which is a blessing really for us to see something so bad for closure purposes)

It absolutely kills us inside .

 

Many years ago , I was in a long distance relationship with a girl from literally across the country.

She had two twin boys at the time ages 6. After six months of e-mails, calls, texts, Skype , I went to see them .

They had never been on vacation bc she was a single mom raising two kids . The kids never had nice clothes freshly bought . They were always clean clothes and decent brands but always second hand stuff .

I flew out, took them all on vacation and bought them a ton of clothes and some new bikes etc...

We all bonded well and the kids and I hit it off so well. A year later they called me dad . I flew out once a month for all of them .

 

Almost two years into that relationship she was changing in the most bizarre ways . Very odd , when she called me she sounded very off , I would get random texts that wouldn't make sence , phone calls from the boys that were out there with them so upset , alone at home scared bc she didn't come home for two days. After talking to her mom privately , I learned that she started using heroin and that she relapsed after being clean for three years. This blind sided me bc I was unaware she had that issue in the past .

Her mom told me so much. I was so torn what to do bc the kids loved me and I felt I should or could fix her .

 

I knew she was absolutely cheating on me but I could not prove it from across the country.

The pain was so bad for me and I prayed on it for a few days begging for that one sure sign so I had the proof and a sure solid reason to end the relationship and walk away from that whole ordeal .

 

On the third day of praying I got my sign. My cell phone rang .

She had " pocket dialed me by accident " I heard her having sex and heard it very clearly .

After a minute of it I hung up and kept dialing her cell but no answer .

She finally admitted it. I left that thank God .

Her mother contacted me and I told her what happened . She was even upset bc she liked me for her daughter .

I asked her moms advice as to what to tell the kids. Her parents got full custody of the kids thank god and I didn't have to deal with any of the issues. I never heard from any of them again.

 

That was many years ago. Life gets better josh and you will be fine in time my friend .

Keep reading threads and posts here to help your healing processes.

[Josh1996]

That initial shock when you see it is absolutely heartwrenching .

On one hand , we pray that our partner is not cheating .

On the other hand, we pray for the sign to find out and let us know for sure .

Then when it's seen first hand ( which is a blessing really for us to see something so bad for closure purposes)

It absolutely kills us inside .

 

Many years ago , I was in a long distance relationship with a girl from literally across the country.

She had two twin boys at the time ages 6. After six months of e-mails, calls, texts, Skype , I went to see them .

They had never been on vacation bc she was a single mom raising two kids . The kids never had nice clothes freshly bought . They were always clean clothes and decent brands but always second hand stuff .

I flew out, took them all on vacation and bought them a ton of clothes and some new bikes etc...

We all bonded well and the kids and I hit it off so well. A year later they called me dad . I flew out once a month for all of them .

 

Almost two years into that relationship she was changing in the most bizarre ways . Very odd , when she called me she sounded very off , I would get random texts that wouldn't make sence , phone calls from the boys that were out there with them so upset , alone at home scared bc she didn't come home for two days. After talking to her mom privately , I learned that she started using heroin and that she relapsed after being clean for three years. This blind sided me bc I was unaware she had that issue in the past .

Her mom told me so much. I was so torn what to do bc the kids loved me and I felt I should or could fix her .

 

I knew she was absolutely cheating on me but I could not prove it from across the country.

The pain was so bad for me and I prayed on it for a few days begging for that one sure sign so I had the proof and a sure solid reason to end the relationship and walk away from that whole ordeal .

 

On the third day of praying I got my sign. My cell phone rang .

She had " pocket dialed me by accident " I heard her having sex and heard it very clearly .

After a minute of it I hung up and kept dialing her cell but no answer .

She finally admitted it. I left that thank God .

Her mother contacted me and I told her what happened . She was even upset bc she liked me for her daughter .

I asked her moms advice as to what to tell the kids. Her parents got full custody of the kids thank god and I didn't have to deal with any of the issues. I never heard from any of them again.

 

That was many years ago. Life gets better josh and you will be fine in time my friend .

Keep reading threads and posts here to help your healing processes.

 

Yes I see where you are coming from it's just a point in life where everything seems to go down hill, I admit that I am very jealous the new male she is seeing and I just think all sorts. I'm slowly moving on but Everytime I have a chance to think she is constantly on my mind, it makes me sad all the time and I wish she would just erase herself from my head but things don't work that way. Thank you for telling me this it means a lot to me.