hellischrome Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 My boyfriend and I live in a foreign country. We met here 2 years ago, got together, been on and off and now in a "real" relationship. Yesterday he left to go home for 3 weeks - for about 10 days he will actually be in other countries for work. He will spend in total 10/11 days at home. We have been far from each other before, the first time we travelled together, both went to our home country and broke up while there (I was crazy controlling and he couldn't put up with it). The second time we broke up 3 days before he left, because I was forcing him to promise me he wouldn't see his ex. In these two times he's been away the situation was quite different, we were on and off, arguing a lot, he still had unclear feelings for his ex and such. A third time I left to go back home (last Christmas), for 3 weeks. We didn't break up but we had some big fights, all due to the fact that he wasn't present enough for me (not answering to messages for hours, not calling enough, not being enough romantic and such). Lately the situation has been quite good, we get along very well and he said a couple of days ago that I shouldn't worry because now it's totally different. Deep down I know that, but I also have no idea how to deal with distance. It's a not a LDR where we have to create a routine, he will be back in 20 days. I don't want to be controlling and I don't know how often I should text him, or expect him to text me. I want him to have a great time at home, because when he's happy things are smooth. Any advice on how to stop ding stuff like checking his last access on Whatsapp? :-( I also freak out when he texts and he sounds a bit cold, because I instantly think there's something wrong with us. Sorry if it is not the right section, but I wouldn't know how to label the situation :-) Thank you!
Els Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Only 3 weeks??? Damn girl, you got it made. I think you should just establish a bare minimum of contact since it's such a short time - maybe like 1 call a day. If he does more, great; otherwise, he's going to be in a totally new place for work and family and shouldn't have to constantly tie himself to you. He will also miss you more if you're not constantly hounding him for contact. Now, if it was going to be a long-term thing then obviously this wouldn't work, and my advice would be completely different. But if it's only 3 weeks you should just deal with it IMO. Keep yourself occupied with your own life and friends. And don't freak out when you don't sound as 'connected' as you usually are IRL, because it's much easier to be 'connected' IRL when you have physical touch. 1
Author hellischrome Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 Thank you for your reply :-) I agree with everything you said. Yes, it's only 3 weeks (thank God!). He tends to be a bit disconnected when he is doing something else, he hasn't been home for more than 9 months and the last time he went there it was for just 6 days (of which 2 travelling, as we live on the other side of the world!). He already texted me during his stop over, when he landed, when he got home and then when he went to sleep... which, for him, is a lot! We have 8 hours difference which makes calls tricky, I just want him to have the best time ever and then come back to me happy :-)) I am trying to enjoy my free time, even a couple of texts everyday would be fine.. let's see how it goes :-) 1
Els Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Thank you for your reply :-) I agree with everything you said. Yes, it's only 3 weeks (thank God!). He tends to be a bit disconnected when he is doing something else, he hasn't been home for more than 9 months and the last time he went there it was for just 6 days (of which 2 travelling, as we live on the other side of the world!). He already texted me during his stop over, when he landed, when he got home and then when he went to sleep... which, for him, is a lot! We have 8 hours difference which makes calls tricky, I just want him to have the best time ever and then come back to me happy :-)) I am trying to enjoy my free time, even a couple of texts everyday would be fine.. let's see how it goes :-) Good luck! Don't worry about it, he'll be back in no time.
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