kiababy Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Well, the guy who started it all, the one I refer to as MM# 1 is back in the picture. Let's see..he was my shoulder to cry on when I was going through my nasty divorce. He would come over - ride by my house on his Harley late at night to see how I was doing. He was a co-worker so during the day we played it cool at work. He called me every day, 2 and 3 times a day. It was inevitable. So about 2 years into our on again off again affair, his wife left him. She was gone for all of 3 months, we only went out on one date. He was devastated and wanted her to come back. She did, and we lost touch. Fast forward to 3 years later - he left a card in my door Friday which said 'Hey Y, stopped by to see how you're doing. I'm on call this weekend, call me. W.' I thought about it all night, finally called this morning. He said his wife had left 6 months ago, was gone for good this time, and he was happy. Last time she left their 7 year-old son behind, this time she took him with her and the furniture. She left him for another woman the first time, not sure what the lure was now. What a b***h. He invited me over - I had a date planned already with a single guy, who I met up with at Starbucks, made some excuse and ended it early - I went over in the evening and it was great. We talked, reconnected...there was NO SEX...just some nice conversation and a brief kiss before I left (he got a service call while I was there). He also gave me a tour of his house so I would know 'where everything is, next time'. Let's see where I am now: MM #2, the first one to get a divorce, wants back in the picture. He's unreliable and still has that nasty cocaine addiction in his past. He goes to Addicts Anonymous a couple of nights a week. The whole thing scares me, but I'm strangely drawn to him. Then there is MM#3 - THE LOVE OF MY LIFE - too young for me - he just turned 27, I'm 43 next week - no divorce in sight. But...he's started coming to my work to see me. Maybe if I wait it out long enough...MM #3, the LOVE OF MY LIFE......will get a divorce too!? As usual, I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I want to be in love, want to settle down...but I want the one thing I can't have. MM #1 and #2 don't know about each other - but MM#3 knows everything, wants me to be happy, hates to hear about it...wants to know and not know at the same time. I tell him I 'go out', but no details. I could make him terribly jealous, but can't bear to do it. We had a very interesting conversation the other day: he said he would not be upset if he found out his wife was sleeping with another man, as long as it wasn't one of their friends. I was surprised and asked why. He said that he just wishes SOMEONE could turn her on if he can't. He sounded really sad, he wishes she was a sexual person. I'm not looking for advice, I just felt like writing it all down. Thanks for listening.
dude x Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Sure he feels sad about his wife. I wonder if he feels desparate (your#3). Maybe he'll tell her about you as an attempt to stir up some life. Your #3 annoys me on one point. He has no business getting jealous of you. The nerve! He claims to not worry if his wife cheats but then he hates to hear your stories. " Geez my wife's adverntures aren't so bad, but damn it! I hate to hear of my girlfriend pleasing other men besides me." This is just nuts that the "wanderers" and om/ow can get this way. I read this and I think to myself " Shut the hell up fool, . This last summer my wife's boss who is married seems to have had a bit of a crush om my wife. I think he was behaving inappropriately She told me all about it. At times other men too like to talk and hang out with my wife at her job, and when this happened I believe I have evidence he(the boss) got a bit jealous of these other men at the job. My wife told me all this. She thought it was strange and had to tell me all about it. I was like m$%^ F%$#@. I'll show you jealousy B%^$, get jealous over my wife!. I felt a surge of anger, not felt in a long time. I had to resist the urge to call him and confront him. Yeah I'd call his ass 1st thing Monday morning and give him a real menacing phone call just to start off his day/week on a good note! HAHA! Another man was feeling jealous and possessive of my wife and he was married! I think he's a thug and that's how I am prepared to treat him, I told my wife. And he'd better be careful if he wants to preserve his good standing in the community. Cause I would not rest until his life was completely screwed up. I have access to a printer, might not be a bad idea to distribute flyers around town eh? Drop off a stack at his office, make sure his wife gets one too. There will be no question as to who will be getting jealous and crazy of my wife. Thats ME!! And you will know I am right, just let me prove it to ya buddy. Funny how after hearing all this I was reading the bible and flipped to proverbs and lo and behold I read the anger of a jealous husband knows no limits and cannot be satisfied with any amout of gifts or compensation. I have to talk to God about all this I've read some posts where a mm gets jealous when his extramarital girlfriend gets another man. But then also I've read about women who have affairs with mm and get negative feelings about him when he has yet another ow on the side. This is just annoying and it pisses me off to read about it. I should stop visiting these forums.
izzybelle Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 kia -WOW!!!! lots happening for you and i'm glad. it's so hard though when we get our sights set on someone and everyone else seems to fall into place. it's flattering but there's still that unatainable one that always seems to be out there. and it's so hard to know whether waiting or not makes sense. some things, and people, are definitely worth the wait but it's so hard to know how long to just wait. i also found out over the weekend that my MM#1 finally left his wife. he had always told me it was just a matter of time... not if but when. but even though he and i had talked about possibly getting together when that happened, i'm not interested at this point. i've seen a side of him since then that i'm not sure i like as much. it may have just been his immature talk as his marriage really was falling apart but if they do end up being sep. for good, i know he's going to be after every attractive woman under the age of 30 (he's 40). so.... and...i had a long casual talk with a friend of mine who's going through a divorce. he was telling me about the fact that he's out there dating women who he has no intention of having a relationship with. not uncommon for a man in his position but then he tells me out of the blue that he found me threatening! basically because i'm the type of woman who would be a candidate for someone to have a long term relationship with (all my characteristics fit with what he'd be looking for) and he doesn't want that now! and from my standpoint there's so much about him that would be perfect! but same thing....do i wait until he gets this all out of his system knowing that that may be years? the single guy i'm sort of interested in isn't even remotely reliable and the other single guy who's interested in me..i'm not sure i'm interested in him. this dating crap really does bite! grrrrrrrr but kia, i'm am glad you're doing well!!!! and dude, no the whole jealousy thing doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense but it does seem to be human nature that even if we're sharing them with someone else they shouldn't have to share us. such a double standard. izzy
Author kiababy Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 Dude - very interesting....I hear a lot about your anger towards your wife's boss, and a lot about his actions. What I don't hear is an awful lot about your wife's feelings in all this...except that she's puzzled about the whole thing. Instead of reacting with all of this rage and vengeance, why not sit back, and gloat in the fact that this guy wants what YOU have - a loving, faithful, beautiful wife (I'm assuming the very best of her . If she's not interested, it doesn't matter if he stands on his head - she's not having any of it and you don't need to make yourself look like a jerk by doing all of that other stuff. Just a thought. Izzy, Izzy, Izzy..... amazing - your MM#1's marriage broke up too - and also while you were not in the picture, right? So - I guess we're NOT homewreckers after all. We stumbled into the middle of someone else's bad marriage, we didn't make the marriage bad. It's a tiny consolation anyway. And isn't it funny these guys that seemed like they were 'perfect' for us, turn out not to be so. I don't really want MM#1 or MM#2. I THINK I want MM#3. But if he split up with his wife too - this one's bound to happen sooner or later; I would probably get cold feet, especially knowing what I know about him already. Doesn't it make your head spin? In the meantime, the single guy I ditched early to hang out with MM#1? Well, he emailed me about what a nice time he had, and can we go out on Tuesday or Wednesday? Right away I email back with a list of excuses why I 'may not be able to make it' because I have 'so much going on this week'....o.k. I do, but if one of the MM's called me...wouldn't I jump in my car and race out to see them???? In MM#3's case....even in the middle of the night...even if it's picking him up drunk off of a sidewalk outside of a strip club - yes I really did do that!!!!! And dammit, I would do it again in a heartbeat. A comedian in the 70's (George Carlin, I think) had this joke that went: "There are 3 types of women: the one that will call the police, the one that will give you a head start before she calls the police...and the broad that will drive the getaway car!" I told MM#3 that joke and god forbid, I said that for HIM - I was the 'broad that would drive the getaway car!"
immoralist Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 kb, welcome back, girl. You knew me as bad, old sinner. I've since been born again and am now plain old immoralist. It's good to see you, back. As always, your social life seems busy. It has been a very bad year already for many a marriage.
izzybelle Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 kia, i had been out of the picture for over a year so.... he had always said that he needed to feel that he was leaving for all the "right" reasons. i think he always knew his marriage was over, it's just been dying a slow, painful, somewhat public death. we're in the same circle of friends and i know she's been pretty upset at a few of the parties. i stayed away. i know her pretty well, now anyway, and didn't really want to know what was up. part of me hopes they can still figure things out, but the fact that he moved to his parents is a pretty serious step for them. but i am glad that this can't be blamed on me. although i'm sure someone out there will find a way to do that! and i'm dying to talk to him, just to know what happened, not for any reason other than i'm nosey and curious whether he actually left or she kicked him out! i'm really not sure what i'd do if MM#2 ended things. a few months ago i probably would have been at his door as fast as i could catch a plane, now i'm not so sure. and although i've been having fun hanging out with the two single guys i know and calling and emailing, it's just frustrating. one of them is so much fun i sometimes feel like i don't stop laughing the whole time i talk to him. but he's also, at times, the biggest butthead i've ever met! the other one i've known for years but he sometimes gives me the creeps! but....somewhere, out there......
Author kiababy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Posted February 20, 2005 Hey 'Immoralist'...."a bad year for marriages".....in general you mean, or did something in particular happen with yours? And have you had any contact with your lady love or is that one truly over, over and I repeat - over? Izzy, somewhere out there, somewhere are two guys (one for you and one for me), who could rescue us from all of this crap. Trouble is, the chances are slim that we'll ever actually meet them. The day before Valentine's Day my boss had tickets for a basketball game - my company owns a box. I invited MM#2, and for the first hour or so it was great. It felt like a real date and I was happy. Then it was like a dark cloud came over both of us, we started talking about our problems (he mentioned the whole addiction thing, and I told him about MM#3), and the mood became dark and sad. He wanted to 'hook up' after the game but I wanted to get home to my kids. First thing the next morning MM#3 called to ask me to be his Valentine, I was touched but would have preferred a card or flowers ha ha. Oh well. I did get a really nice virtual card from the single guy I had gone out on the date with - and a few other Valentines emails from some internet 'honey's' ....but anything not from HIM doesn't count, you know? Izzy I know you understand what I'm talking about. The day after Valentine's Day I had a late night visit from a young stud I've been fooling around with for over a year now, he's the only other man in my life I'm intimate with. Kind of like a 'placeholder' till I can see MM#3. This whole week had been a downer for me. If I can't be with the man I love, I don't want anyone. He did call me the next day too - but I missed his call and didn't bother to call him back. I've gone 5 whole days now without talking to him and I feel just fine. I think I can ride it out for a while and ignore his calls. As long as I don't hear his voice I'll be o.k. There are no tears here, I'm just tired of feeling this way. I want something else to happen.
CurlyIam Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Why don't you give the single guy a chance? Kia, as you've seen it twice before, marriages have a rythm and a life of their own. Can't hurry them or end them when one desires. Since you're surrounded by a bunch of men... why do you persist in keeping exactly that who hurts you the most near? If indeed you want to be happy, you can start by getting outside, going to a bar and heading back home with a large amount of phone numbers of single straight men . You'll see, having a good time from start 'till the end (no guilty feelings) can be a big change and even infectious!
Author kiababy Posted February 20, 2005 Author Posted February 20, 2005 Curly, nice to hear from you! I am trying to give the single guy a chance, but out of habit I push him away. He called this morning to see if I wanted to get together today, but I said I had work to do. I don't know why I said that, it was a natural reaction. I've been on 3 dates with him and he's been nothing but respectful to me. There's been no raunchy talk, no flirtation really (I've hidden that whole side of myself). I've allowed him to hug me but when he moves in for a kiss on the lips I turn my cheek to him. I have zero desire to even kiss him. But I want to give him a chance anyway. I'm very careful not to let him spend money on me by paying for half every time we go out. I hate owing anyone anything. What will most likely happen is, by the time I come around to being attracted to him, he'll be fed up of trying and will have moved on. Then, I'll run back to MM for comfort.
izzybelle Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 kia, your guys really do all keep you busy don't they! for some reason when we get our sights set on someone, it's hard to let anyone else in their place. somedays, and with a lot of effort, MM#2 is starting to leave some space in my emotions that i hope to fill in someday. funny how you were saying about not letting the single guy in. i had three dates with one of the single guys and he'd been so much of a gentleman, i was impressed and ok... a little confused! but i'd been trying to keep him at arm's length so that was ok. and like you said, no raunchy talk, no flirtation, i was beginning to wonder who i was with him. well yesterday my exH had the kids for a bit and i took a deep breath and invited him over to watch a movie. well... we didn't exactly watch the movie, and i can't say that i'm upset about it! of course now i think his feelings are definitely starting to go deeper than i know mine are at this point. and i'm a little worried that i'v f'd up as far as that goes. and the other single guy that i said was such a butthead sometimes? well, he's still a butthead but he did call to wish me a happy v-day, 2 days late... but not surprising for him. i think he's sometimes on a time-delay and doesn't really know what day it is! i got an email today, from the single guy i was with yesterday, signed somewhat affectionately in a playful way. i sat there staring at the screen because that was exactly the first playful thing that MM#2 had done, and then i had the "talk" with him about not giving my heart to him because yada, yada, yada, married, blah, blah, blah. well... we all know how i caved in on that one! i had a nice time with this guy yesterday and i really don't want to screw it up, but like you, i'm not totally convinced i'm that into him right now. i should be, i could be, i want to be, he's a great guy, but ..... i just don't know. i guess i keep waiting for that same freight train of emotion to hit me like it did with MM. i guess that train's left the sation without me. and he (not MM) just called to see how i was doing. i was having a rough day with some things when i talked to him earlier and he called to check in. even though i know MM won't call, why is he sometimes still my first thought when my phone rings? at least when butthead guy called out of the blue the other day it was a different surprise! ok, so he's not a butthead all the time, only if he's been partying a bit too much! kia, time will all make all of this clear for us someday. but i think, like me, you want this to all be much clearer now. take it easy with and on the single guy. i know you won't let someone in until it's right, but i sit here and worry what if i don't let this guy in and he is the right one....am i missing something that could be wonderful? well, i don't think he is "the one" but... yeah, like you said, our guys are out there we may just never find them! izzy
Author kiababy Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 We always seem to find ourselves on the same page having the same experiences Izzy. Watching a movie at his house was what single guy was inviting me to do, but of course I made an excuse not to go over. So you didn't actually watch the movie huh? At least you are attracted enough to want to 'not watch' a movie with him ha ha. I can only find fault with my single guy - he doesn't look, act or even smell 'right' - by right I mean exactly like MM! Because that's what every man should look like, act like and smell like...in my world anyway. Day 7 of me not calling MM back!!!! I need the strength to move on and not let him drag me back again. I know the sound of his voice will break down my defences and I'll forget all about making the big break from him. Here's what I think I'll say if single guy asks what my thoughts are on continuing to see each other: "I'm really enjoying getting to know you SG and I like how things are going, I just think I need to take it slow right now because I've had some negative experiences taking things too fast?" What do you think? and like you said, no raunchy talk, no flirtation, i was beginning to wonder who i was with him. That's the problem - why can't we "be ourselves" with the nice, decent available men? I feel like I'm holding back when I'm out with him. When I'm with MM I dress up in lingerie and thigh-high boots . Sometimes we'll meet somewhere and I'll wear a coat over my undies and we'll have an encounter somewhere kind of public. It's so exciting and dangerous. I've also only recently started to buy 'toys' - but again, I deny having them and only bring them out to 'play' with him. I never ever act like that with other guys. Do you have any of that experience with your MM versus single men?
Owl Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 OK, so let me get this straight. You've been involved with three different married men? And at least two of them are still in your life? AND you've got a single guy on the side as well???
fanou22 Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by Owl OK, so let me get this straight. You've been involved with three different married men? And at least two of them are still in your life? AND you've got a single guy on the side as well??? I will reply to that. YES Hey Kia, Nice to see you back posting. I missed those posts of yours
Author kiababy Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 Hey Fanou- answer for me anytime girl! What's new with you? Did you do it??? Did you really make the break??? Um, oh yeah, OWL - out of the three, two of them have ended their marriages while I was out of the picture, I only see them occasionally. The last one I'm just trying to break from now so.....save it. I have a single guy I'm just getting to know - and a 21 year old hottie to turn to when I feel lonely 'sniff sniff'. O.K. I totally caved on MM. He started text messaging me this afternoon and sent about 6 of them before I finally called him. I knew his voice would get me. He asked me what was wrong and I said very matter of factly "there's no room in your life for me anymore" - which started a whole back and forth about blah blah blah. The OW can fill in all the blanks WORD FOR WORD. So I'm seeing him Wednesday. I wasn't successful this time but I'm starting to get a handle on my feelings. i still love him more than anyone I have ever loved, but I think I could handle turning it down to 'just friends'.
izzybelle Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 hey kia, yes, i was attracted enough to not watch the movie. his comment to me today, was that he had just brought over the sound track, someday we'd watch the movie. it's still hard and yes, i compare all to MM. and the voice on the phone is a big thing. not sure what exactly it was about his voice but it always made me melt, gave me strength and i just couldn't get enough of talking to him. i talk to these guys on the phone and sometimes catch myself remembering the conversations i had with him. and that the voice on the other end just sounds strange to me. it is getting better, but there are still moments. When I'm with MM I dress up in lingerie and thigh-high boots . Sometimes we'll meet somewhere and I'll wear a coat over my undies and we'll have an encounter somewhere kind of public. It's so exciting and dangerous. I've also only recently started to buy 'toys' - but again, I deny having them and only bring them out to 'play' with him. actually a guy i dated a number of years ago got me started on fancy lingerie. MM #1 liked those and toys and i could 100% see having an encounter with him in public. and in fact, well.... he also like having me greet him at the door in something nice and CFMs . MM#2 i think had had a very, very stifled sex life. don't get me wrong we had the most incredible sex ever but i don't think he'd ever done anything too adventerous. good on not calling him back. i struggled big time last week. not so bad this week because i've had someone else to talk to. and that worries me, if i decide that that relationship isn't right will all the thoughts of MM come flooding back? oh well, only time will tell. but for now this is fun. i had forgotten how much i missedd the "i can't wait to see you" "when can you get away" parts of the conversations. but sadly, it's just not the same. are you not attracted to single guy because he's not MM or just because of who he is? i know there's no answer but i seem to be asking myself a lot lately if it hadn't been for MM would i be more attracted to this guy at this point. obviously, i am attracted to him, but it just feels like there's something missing. izzy
Author kiababy Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 but it just feels like there's something missing. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The 'something missing' is that he's not MM. There's an incredibly sexy confidence MM has and here's something else - he knows how to give a woman a compliment. Men don't notice much in the way of changes, but MM notices every single detail about me! He know's exactly what I was wearing the last time he saw me, how I wore my hair, what shoes, stockings - whatever. And he'll compliment me on the details. All I seem to remember is that his eyes are blue, he works out, goes to the tanning bed and he smells great! ha ha How long has it been since you were with MM Izzy? Did you start seeing other people right away? I never really stopped, but it all seems so meaningless. Half the time I don't even recognize their voices when they call and I have to bluff my way through the first couple of sentences till I figure out who it is. When MM calls, even a year and a half later - my heart still pounds in my chest even before I hear him say hello.
izzybelle Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 kia, i haven't seen him since the end of sept. i could have seen him in january but he's trying to be true to giving his marriage a try, i think the jury's still out on that one. we've talked on the phone a few times, but not much lately. i was asked out a few times shortly after it ended but i couldn't do it. would say yes, then no, then yes and then cancelled at the last minute for one. so really the blind date i went out on in december was the frist. this is the first real possible relationship though and it feels so out of place. and you're right, what's missing is that it's not MM. and my MM was a great one for details too. and i always felt like he paid attention to every little thing i said, no matter how stupid and insignificant. and i miss that. this single guy comes pretty close in that respect and in some others, i guess that's why i could even be open to the possibility. but i found myself looking at him the other day and expecting to hear a different voice! major disappointment a few times. i was reading the "open letter to the OW" thread in the infidelity forum a while ago. i know they think they have all the OW figured out, it hasn't even been worth responding. i guess i tired of that argument a while ago. not worth my energy any more!!! it's easy for those on the outside to make the judgements and to be able to point out all the things that we did wrong, or are wrong with us to get to this point. but they keep missing the fact that in so many cases, there really is a strong connection there. one that is not so easily broken, even when the break is forced, it's still there. and i know my MM still felt it the last time we talked. i know our posts crossed before and i see you did talk to MM!! i hope your meeting with him on wed. goes well! izzy
Author kiababy Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 I missed "Open letter to the OW", but I wouldn't bother reading it anyway. I agree with you - there are no arguments we haven't had, heard or thought of so I prefer to avoid that stuff. I got drawn into it in the past and it's not constructive. It's nice to have a forum to unload and talk to others in the same boat. I admire your strength in staying away from MM. I did not see mine today. He called this morning to say his truck was in the shop and he would let me know if he got it back on time to get all his calls done for the day and in time to meet me after work. I immediately text messaged him back after our phone call to tell him not to bother, we could get together another time. He called back right away to say he felt so bad when he read my message and I told him truthfully that it was just easier for me to cancel than be wondering all day whether I would get to see him or not. I left work on time, didn't try to wait around to hear from him and he called later to apologize again because he was an hour away and wasn't even finished work yet. In the past we would talk all the way home - usually a good hour or so, but today I cut the conversation to one minute and said goodbye. I'm really ending it!!!! I love this man so much I've often felt like I'll die if I can't ever hear his voice again....but I'm tired of the situation. Maybe it's the fact that I turned 43 is a part of it. I don't feel old , but I don't want to be 50....still dating guys in their 20's and wasting the rest of my life, never finding love. I feel relatively good, no tears yet!
SummerRae Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 kiababy, don't mean to intrude, or come in half way through the convo. But just read your posts and wanted to respond. You seem like you know what you're doing, you're getting stronger and are reaching the breaking point. It's tough. The attraction we feel for them is INTENSE. Reading what you and Izzy wrote about the details. Can totally relate to that! I loved that about ex-MM, and the fact that he was mature, older, knew how to treat a woman. Little gifts, flowers, and yes, he!lla compliments. Finding that melt-in-your-mouth chemistry is he!lla hard. And NEVER comes when we're looking. We just have to keep our spirits up and hope for the best. You sound like you give yourself a lot of attention and "self-love" which is a great thing! Tending to our own details is the first step to attracting the L-word into our lives, I think. Thanx for your posts.
Author kiababy Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 You're posts are most welcome and much appreciated! I'm always shocked at how similar our relationships with these men can be. It helps to share and read what others are going or have gone through. Please feel free to add your thoughts!
CaughtUp Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 I thought my situation was convoluted but I'm glad to see that its not just me. My MM is the LOVE OF MY LIFE too and I just don't think anyone can understand unless they have been there. I sometimes feel like I'm wearing a sign that says "Hey are you married come date me" I unfortunately never find out they are married until after we have gone out and I have a rule now that I'm only going to have my heart broken by one MM!! My MM moved away for awhile and I would literally vibrate when he would come in to visit. I would be just sitting at home minding my business and this feeling would come over me and I would would drive past his parents house and lo and behold he would be in visiting. I had a dream about him and I woke up thinking d*** I thought he was really here and I'm just crusing through the store the next day and guess what he was here. Just stuff like that. We just connected so much when we were together and I can't just let that go without a fight and as much as I feel sorry for his W I feel I don't owe her anything (he does not me) and I wish everyone could end up happy in this situation; I constantly pray that she finds someone that she falls in love with and that his kids love me and my kids love him and blah blah blah and I just know that that isn't going to happen and the best I can do for myself is try to be the best person I can be in every other aspect in my life and go for the one thing that I know would make me happy right now.
Author kiababy Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 If it's any consolation at all (probably not), I've experienced two MM's that have since split with their wives after the fact. As single men - they're NOT THE SAME GUY!!!! One is divorced now and the other one is separated 6 months - I still care about them both but now when I talk to them or see them it's like God, what was I thinking??????? Even though current MM is the love of my life I know in my heart I could never make a life with him if he and his wife split up. Apart from the obvious problem - I'm 16 years older and already a grandmother, he doesn't have any kids - the s**t I put up with now: he calls me in the middle of the night drunk and I've gone downtown at 2:00 a.m. to pick him up outside of a strip club; his love of sports above ALL else - his weed smoking (I don't drink and have never done a recreational drug)......I could never put up with full time. He's fantastic in itty-bitty doses....but I think a little of him goes a long way. The communication is the best I've ever had with anyone - notice I haven't mentioned SEX, because that's obvious - but the reality is we don't have everyday life, bills etc to contend with. It takes time to get over an MM - with the other two it's been 4 years and 2 years respectively, but you WILL get over him, just like I'll one day get over my MM.
Debster Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Hi Kiababy, I think that you are confusing the passion, connection and chemistry you share with the MM for love. Some of the comments you made, IMO are very telling.... If it's any consolation at all (probably not), I've experienced two MM's that have since split with their wives after the fact. As single men - they're NOT THE SAME GUY!!!! One is divorced now and the other one is separated 6 months - I still care about them both but now when I talk to them or see them it's like God, what was I thinking??????? I've had that same thought about a guy I met before my husband. I thought he was the love of my life. We had incredible chemistry and had fun together. However, know that I have met the love of my life (and married him) what I had with him was very, very, insignificant in comparison. Sometimes when a man turns our crank, we think so much more of them instead of just realizing that they just know how to turn our crank. It takes a lot more to make a relationship work. Even though current MM is the love of my life I know in my heart I could never make a life with him if he and his wife split up. You know that the two of you don't have the staying power, and you know that when you are with him you don't open yourself up to find true love, love that will last with someone else. It's sad, really. You deserve so much more and your MM is holding you back from finding real love. Maybe if you keep reminding yourself of that it will be easier to break the habit.
Debster Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 For some stupid reason, my computer doubleposted again.
Author kiababy Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 Hi Deb - long time no hear! How are things in B.C.? Congratulations on getting married BTW. Thanks for the comments, I guess what you say is true about confusing love with other stuff, and for the record, I'm trying to break up with him YET AGAIN. This time I think I'll be successful because I've just had enough I know he's holding me back from finding anyone else. Hope to have it over with any day now.
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