MaxOberg15 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) Hi my name is Max and I am also a new member here seeking some relationship advice. This might be a bit long but I would love your input on many of these things if you have the time! I have been dating my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I am 21 and she is 19. We had talked about 4 months prior to that and have been in contact ever since we met. We get along great and I love her more then I have ever loved anyone. She is the first girl I have ever truly loved. Right now we both go to different schools about 2 hours from each other but most the time I see her every week, rarely every 2. Like I said we get along great and she is the first girl I have ever loved. I have had a few issues just like any relationship and would like to share them with everyone. 1. I find myself worrying so much though. Worrying about what it would be like if we broke up and how I would handle the situation. I also worry that we would breakup and she would instantly start sleeping with other guys. Sometimes I feel like I am constantly checking my phone to see if she has texted me only if it has been a few minutes. I have always worried about things before her but at times I feel that my worrying takes over and I can't focus on anything until I reassure myself every things fine. How could I better handle this? 2. She tends to act a little crazy when she drinks (Like most girls do) Sometimes she does drink without me and occasionally she will have to much and be emotional and call me crying for no reason. Even with me before she has been a tad bit flirty with guys while drinking. 3. I also have friends who constantly cause me to worry due to there past relationships. And tell me things like how my gf could possibly cheat on me or leave me and to never trust any girl no matter what. These are my main to issues. She is such an amazing girl and worth everything because 99% of the time we get along outstanding. Im just wondering if anyone had any input on either situation. I just feel like my worrying takes over my life sometimes. And theres nothing I can do to control it. I feel like if she's not having a good day or not talking to me like she normally does then I have a bad day. I feel like I depend on her happiness way to much to make myself happy. Any thoughts or suggestions? Again... I do love this girl very very much Edited May 1, 2014 by MaxOberg15
Assasda Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Keep her on the pedestal that you put her on. Keep acting like you are her Father Keep worrying about her every waking hour Keep not having a life for yourself and no hobbies
Author MaxOberg15 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Keep her on the pedestal that you put her on. Keep acting like you are her Father Keep worrying about her every waking hour Keep not having a life for yourself and no hobbies Not exactly the answer I was looking for
Chalkdust89 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Keep her on the pedestal that you put her on. Keep acting like you are her Father Keep worrying about her every waking hour Keep not having a life for yourself and no hobbies Assasda is right. I've had boyfriends like this who had absolutely no trust in me, and it sucked. These relationships did not last long, because nobody wants to feel like a criminal just for having fun with her friends. There is a difference between friendly and flirty. Most people become more friendly when they are drunk...what is your definition of flirting? Do you ever go out with her? Tell your friends to shut up about your relationship. The one thing that I could see being truly bothersome is the calling you drunk, crying. Have you ever talked to her maturely about anything that is bothering you? By maturely, I mean, don't lecture her about drinking. 19 year old girls can be a pain in the *ss, but she is still young and should be allowed to have fun with her friends, and hopefully she'll mature a little bit in the next few years. DO NOT bring up the fact that you think she's going to cheat on you. You will only drive her away more. Try to focus on having your own hobbies and life outside of her, and maybe start doing more couple-y things that you both enjoy when you're together (I'm getting the sense that you aren't a huge partier?)
GemmaUK Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 You are 21 she is 19. You either have her on a pedestal or are insecure and want control over her. or Both from the sound of it. Dating should be fun. Life should be fun. Let her be herself. Stop worrying. If she wants to be with you she will be.If she doesn't she won't be. Don't try to change who she is...it's the 'she' you are falling for. Change her and you will wreck that as she will either change to something which does not interest you or will become resentful and someone you wouldn't want to be around. Just enjoy dating her..if drunky type calls bother you turn your phone off when you know she is out and ask her what that was all about the next day. There will likely be no actual reason.I always ignore any drunky type texts or calls I get and wait to see the next message I get and follow from there. I clock them but ignore them.If they happen a lot then I speak up.
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Calm down & stop looking at the negative stuff. Focus on how much fun you are having now & how enjoyable the relationship is. Stop thinking about the worst case scenarios. Do not make generalizations about what "all girls do." Also stop assuming that just because your friends had experiences with other people who are not your GF that your GF is going to act like those other people she doesn't even know. Trust her, unless she is giving you concrete objective reasons not to. The fact that she calls you crying & emotional after drinking is a good thing. It means that even if she's had too much, she is thinking about you, not off getting lucky with somebody else. Be confident that you are worthy of her fidelity. If you express all of your seemingly unfounded insecurities to her, you will kill the relationship.
Author MaxOberg15 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Assasda is right. I've had boyfriends like this who had absolutely no trust in me, and it sucked. These relationships did not last long, because nobody wants to feel like a criminal just for having fun with her friends. There is a difference between friendly and flirty. Most people become more friendly when they are drunk...what is your definition of flirting? Do you ever go out with her? Tell your friends to shut up about your relationship. The one thing that I could see being truly bothersome is the calling you drunk, crying. Have you ever talked to her maturely about anything that is bothering you? By maturely, I mean, don't lecture her about drinking. 19 year old girls can be a pain in the *ss, but she is still young and should be allowed to have fun with her friends, and hopefully she'll mature a little bit in the next few years. DO NOT bring up the fact that you think she's going to cheat on you. You will only drive her away more. Try to focus on having your own hobbies and life outside of her, and maybe start doing more couple-y things that you both enjoy when you're together (I'm getting the sense that you aren't a huge partier?) She is friendly but maybe when I've been drinking a little I just think she's taking it to far. When were at a party and were away from each other, even for a couple minutes, I'm always looking and thinking, what is she doing? Its not even that I don't trust her, I just can't help it! And I am a partier but when I drink I just make smart decisions. I have talked to her about the phone calls and she says its going to stop and she's not going to drink as much. So well see. Any other advice?
Woop1337 Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 In my opinion the distance is a problem. Two hours away from each other? Thats too far. Maybe you need to date someone closer to you. That could alleviate some of your worries. Ultimately you sound like you need to improve your coping skills. Especially when you word it like, worrying takes over my life. Also don't rationalize her behavior, most girls dont act crazy when they drink. Maybe that's the kind of girls you hang with.
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