Think I'm gonna break NC soon

[OhNoNotAgain]

Me and my ex broke up about 5 weeks ago, and I've been NC since. I'm pretty sure she started seeing someone immediately after we broke up. Ya....it sucks....really bad.

 

I still miss her, but I'm doing what I need to in order to move on. I have gotten rid of all her stuff, and deleted her pics off my phone. And I've even gone on a date.

 

The only thing I have left is this little trinket she gave me on our first date. It was an inside joke we had before going out, and it ending up meaning a lot to both of us.

 

It's not something I want to keep, because it makes me sad. But she keeps all kinds of stuff from previous relationships. So I was thinking about mailing it to her with a quick note saying I thought she might want to keep it.

 

I don't expect her to come running back or anything. But at 5 weeks of NC, is this such a bad thing for me to do (and I'll probably wait another week or so). I think the timing has to be right if I'm going to do it. If I wait too long it becomes weird. If I do it at the right time, it's me moving on and getting her stuff out of my life. Right? And I think the 5-6 week mark would be about the right time to do it.

 

There's also the fact I think she's in a rebound relationship since I believe it started right after we broke up. So I would think about now is the time when it's gonna get serious or fall apart.

 

So I think sending this trinket right about now would have a few effects:

 

1. I can get this thing out of my house so I don't have to ever see it again.

2. It would show her that I am moving on.

3. It would make her think about a fun part of our relationship

4. If it is somehow magically timed with her rebound relationship falling apart, I think it could be my last chance to get her back.

5. If she doesn't just throw out the trinket, it could remind her of me in the future

 

I'm at the point where I can do this, and whatever the outcome, it's ok with me. Ya of course I'd like to get her back, but I don't really see it happening. I think it would just make me happy to think of her reaction when she opens the package.

 

Bottom line I guess is what difference does it make at this point? It's not like I have anything to lose. Except of course this trinket, which I would like to get rid of.

 

So...let's hear your thoughts.

Edited May 1, 2014 by OhNoNotAgain

[Poppyolive]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Trinket...next week.it will be something else...they are just excuses to reach out with a don't care attitude. Instead of worrying/planning about hurting her, making her think, will it be a good time when rebound falls apart.. These are not healthy for you. How about you take all that energy and concern and shine it right on your hurting heart.

 

It takes two to make a relationship work. For whatever reason she's not wanting to play her part with you. You can't make her, trick her, coax her...

 

If she has anything to say or do.. She will do in her own time.

 

Keep NC up...for you. This too shall pass.

[LostInTheWild]

Don't mail that thing to her. That might just creep her out.

 

AND how do you know it's a rebound? You don't...If you mail that trinket to her, she will just push herself further from you just like men do. Where do they push? Deeper into their new relationships.

 

Let me tell you, if you mail that thing, you are making a mistake, not a statement.

 

She left it. She doesn't want it and if she had any desire to have it back, she'd let you know. Throw it away or burn it to make yourself feel better.

[itsallmental]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Trinket...next week.it will be something else...they are just excuses to reach out with a don't care attitude. Instead of worrying/planning about hurting her, making her think, will it be a good time when rebound falls apart.. These are not healthy for you. How about you take all that energy and concern and shine it right on your hurting heart.

 

It takes two to make a relationship work. For whatever reason she's not wanting to play her part with you. You can't make her, trick her, coax her...

 

If she has anything to say or do.. She will do in her own time.

 

Keep NC up...for you. This too shall pass.

 

I have to say, I completely agree.

 

I wanted to do the same thing 2 weeks ago. I had it all planned out, I thought I knew it would make me feel better. But nothing is as it seems, you can't anticipate her feelings or yours. If that trinket means something special to you, keep it. Put it in a drawr or a box where you won't see it. But one day when you've moved past this, you'll be glad you kept it. Maybe there will come an instance where giving that to her will be appropriate, but mailing it to her isn't what's best right now. Maintain no contact, give her more time. There's no expiration date, give it more time. Right now is an emotional roller coaster, you'll have good days and bad days, I think soon you'll realize breaking NC isn't the best option.

 

Best of luck man, I know it's hard. We'll make it.

[mtnbiker3000]

But nothing is as it seems.

 

This is the most accurate statement there is, in regards to a BU... Whatever you think is best... do the opposite!!!

[OhNoNotAgain]

I feel like I am never going to get over my ex. It's week 6 of NC. And everyday seems to be getting worse, not better. Around weeks 3 and 4 I was doing ok. But I am so sad without her.

 

I can't stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. I do a little better when I'm at work, but I constantly have the thought, "I want my girlfriend to come back" going through my head. Or just thinking about how much I miss being with her.

 

One of the reasons it's been so hard on me I think is the way the break up went down. She got mad at me about something the night before, but we made up and got past it. She told me she loved me that night. I slept over and the next morning she was holding on to me tight, and telling me she loved me. We had sex. I left to go to work and she was kissing me, hugging me, and telling me she loved me. Five hours later I get a break up text.

 

I'm pretty sure she also started seeing someone immediately after we broke up.

 

I can't for the life of me understand how she could tell me she loves me, break up with me the same day, and be with someone else the same week. It's so hard to accept, and hurts like hell.

 

I know the only thing that will make me feel better is a new girl. I'm trying to meet someone online, but it's not easy. I met her online and everything went perfectly from the 1st message. I actually went on a date already, and I felt a lot better when I was talking to this other girl. And she wanted to go out with me again, but unfortunately I wasn't really into her. The whole thing took my mind of my ex. I ended that and the emptiness and loneliness returned.

 

I don't know if she's in a rebound or what she's doing, but she seems to be happier without me. And it hurts so bad to know she'd rather be with someone else.

 

I don't think she'll ever come back to me. But I don't know how to stop hoping for it, or how to stop thinking about her. I feel like she is haunting me.

 

This morning has been extra tough for some reason. I had to get this all out before I go to work.

[FredJones80]

I feel like I am never going to get over my ex. It's week 6 of NC. And everyday seems to be getting worse, not better. Around weeks 3 and 4 I was doing ok. But I am so sad without her.

 

I feel your pain ONNA, I wish I had a magic solution for you, I'm only at week 3 of NC and week 5 since BU, felt better last week than I do this week, I wish it would just end...

[Always Pondering]

I feel like I am never going to get over my ex. It's week 6 of NC. And everyday seems to be getting worse, not better. Around weeks 3 and 4 I was doing ok. But I am so sad without her.

 

I can't stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. I do a little better when I'm at work, but I constantly have the thought, "I want my girlfriend to come back" going through my head. Or just thinking about how much I miss being with her.

 

I can't for the life of me understand how she could tell me she loves me, break up with me the same day, and be with someone else the same week. It's so hard to accept, and hurts like hell.

 

I feel for you friend and the road to healing is definitely not easy.

 

That early, things seemed to feel worse to me as well and I believe I felt the worst I ever have in my entire life. Today however, I am a little over a year post-BU with almost 5 months NC and I feel way better than I did right after the BU. I promise you if you stick to NC, do it right, and do it to heal yourself, things will undoubtedly get better over time. It may take weeks, it may take months, but it will get better.

 

I also had questions like you about why my ex got into a relationship so quickly or concerns about how things ended. Honestly, some answers to life you may just not get and you just have to accept them. It's hard but it's possible.

 

Even if your ex's current partner is a rebound, it can last weeks or even months. My ex went straight into a rebound but after they broke up, she decided to date someone else shortly after and I believe this new one is a keeper. I wouldn't try to "guess" whether or not it is a rebound and I certainly wouldn't wait around.

 

As for online dating, I have heard that it doesn't work out that well but I have not done much research on it and personally have never tried it so don't take my word for it. Someone else may know better on that.

 

Seriously though, things can and will get better if you want them to.

Edited May 9, 2014 by Always Pondering
Typos

[maturityassets]

Best way to show you are moving on is by not contacting her at all. Don't contact her and don't mail her anything.

[learning_slowly]

I feel like I am never going to get over my ex. It's week 6 of NC. And everyday seems to be getting worse, not better. Around weeks 3 and 4 I was doing ok. But I am so sad without her.

 

I can't stop thinking about her no matter how hard I try. I do a little better when I'm at work, but I constantly have the thought, "I want my girlfriend to come back" going through my head. Or just thinking about how much I miss being with her.

 

One of the reasons it's been so hard on me I think is the way the break up went down. She got mad at me about something the night before, but we made up and got past it. She told me she loved me that night. I slept over and the next morning she was holding on to me tight, and telling me she loved me. We had sex. I left to go to work and she was kissing me, hugging me, and telling me she loved me. Five hours later I get a break up text.

 

I'm pretty sure she also started seeing someone immediately after we broke up.

 

I can't for the life of me understand how she could tell me she loves me, break up with me the same day, and be with someone else the same week. It's so hard to accept, and hurts like hell.

 

 

I don't know if she's in a rebound or what she's doing, but she seems to be happier without me. And it hurts so bad to know she'd rather be with someone else.

 

My ex said she had began to date but had not slept with anybody. So we slept together and then I had a rash. As far as I knew we were the only people sleeping with each other, so I trusted her about protection.

 

Why sleep with me if you have a new man?

 

I got checked out and it was a minor short term thing = relief

 

But my point is, they don't think logically. She is with him now and chose to come back and sleep with me after being with him.

 

You can never always relate to somebodies actions even if you have been with them a lifetime. One of my good friends said to me the other night, the thing he likes about me is I always surprise him: you never know what to expect. And hes known me for years.

 

So stop wasting your life 2nd guessing her. For whatever reason she has made a decision, you have to work out the best way to deal with it for you.

 

I don't think sending the trinket will make you feel better, but when you get no response, a horrible response, or worse a nice response, you'll still be in the same position, but know you didn't have the strength to keep your dignity. And you may feel worse depending on the response you get.

 

However, it might be what you need to really see that its over, so you can move on.

 

People can give advice, but theres no perfect answer, we're all individuals, but you need to try and figure out the fastest way for you to forgive and forget.