Toreo Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I recently ended an engagement with a man I had been with for 7 years. I am now seeing an older guy I work with. A few days after the break up I ended up sleeping with the guy I'm seeing now. Afterwards, he asked me if I was looking for a relationship which I responded with "not right now"...I needed time to sort out everything that was going on seeing as how I had just ended a serious relationship. I've now been seeing this guy for almost a month now and things are really great but I'm not sure where we stand on our relationship...his living situation is difficult as he is living with his ex-fiancée and they have an agreement not to bring over people they're seeing. I had to move back home with my parents when the engagement ended so it's hard to have a relationship with an older guy when you're living in your parents' basement... I'm afraid he's not looking for a relationship so I think I'm scared to ask to start one and get shot down. I realize it's a little early to jump into anything (we've been on about 4 dates) but things are so great with him and we really seem to click. How do I go about asking him if he would like to become exclusive? I mean, he asked first and I said no but we continued to see each other so now I'm not sure what to do with the situation...at the moment I'm just going with the flow. How long should I wait before asking him (if I should just keep doing what I'm doing)?
Bigcitydreamer Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Just because he asked if you were looking for a relationship does not mean he was asking you to be exclusive. Why would you ask a man you have been on 4 dates with to be exclusive? Firstly, that's way too soon and secondly, guys know it's their responsibility to ask a girl for exclusivity so if he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend he isn't ready for that. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Whoa. You just got out of a 7-yr relationship (I will never understand why people wait so long...crazy). And you were engaged. You live with your parents. He lives with his ex fiancee! You both need to stay away from other people who may be looking for something more committal. You are both a relationship seeker's potential nightmare. Are you completely over your ex? Can you even answer that objectively? Can he? I would say, you need to really think about where you are right now, mentally, emotionally. Are you certain you are not rebounding? I'm also willing to be that he is NOT looking for a relationship...in the end, you need to decide if you want to go with the status quo or simply ask for a relationship and be prepared for rejection...all sounds messy. Good luck.
OhThatGirl Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Your post is full of issues and yet the least pressing seems to be his exclusivity with you. You jumped into something immediately after ending a 7 year relationship. You jumped not only into "something" but also into bed with this person within a few days of that past relationship. He's "older" (how much older?) He's still living with his ex. You're living in your parents basement. And... The kicker... You both work together. Don't look for anything exclusive. The sooner you realize this is a rebound situation from hell and adjust your expectations the better. Spend this time getting to know the "single you," finding a place to live, learning from your last failed relationship, and generally working on yourself. Judging from the fact you are concerned about being exclusive and not the many other enormous issues Id say you've got a lot of work to do. THAT should be priority now.
mrs rubble Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I agree with the other poster's. Too soon! Work on you first! Are you sure this older guy is actually seperated from his fiance? he could be telling stories. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 It sounds like you are dating a guy I was dating - he told me he lived with his ex fiancé and they had the same "agreement" I ran for the hills!
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