BrighterFuture Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 So, replace the typical breakup excuse of being busy studying/working/breathing with being busy training for an iron man triathlon... This happened about 2 weeks ago, and we were still in the early months of the relationship. He started seriously training in the last 3 weeks we were together and it really became a major commitment for him: gone every weekend to a different city to cycle with a pro club, swimming and running in the evenings during the week, and going to the gym early in the morning. It isn't just a hobby for him, he's invested a lot of time and money into this iron man so I get it. Also, his iron man is in November, so that's a long time to be balancing a new relationship (when you want to invest a lot of time in each other) and training. But i'm on the fence as to whether it was just an excuse to let me down easy or if he was being genuine... What he told me when we broke up: -he usually gives his all at the beginning of a relationship felt bad that he couldn't do that -he felt bad that he was increasingly tired when we would hang out or would have to leave for an hour to get in a scheduled run during our time together -he wanted to end things now while we were still on good terms before I started resenting him for not being able to make me more of a priority (and so that IF we wanted to get back together after his iron man then we would be in better standing to do so) -he wanted to stay friends Why I'm unsure if he was being genuine: -he hasn't reached out to talk to me -I've messaged him and he's replied, but it feels almost formal and impersonal Maybe I'm overthinking things, but I haven't been through a breakup that hasn't been straightforward. And I always hear that the "i'm busy" thing is just an excuse, but I do know for a fact that triathlon training is straining even on marriages. Thoughts?
meeji Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I think that its probably true. I would be happy that he was honest with me about how he felt. I wouldn't try to get back with him and just let things fizzle out. I'm sorry he chose the competition over you but basically he made his choice unfortunately. You're better off being available to find a man who actually has time for you. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
Mr.Pine Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 But i'm on the fence as to whether it was just an excuse to let me down easy or if he was being genuine... You're on the fence about his genuineness with his break up reason? Sorry, lady, but you are reaching and it's a little odd and somewhat sad. Who cares why he dumped you? You were dumped. Pointe finale. He chose Ironman over a BrighterFuture. You are just going to have to deal with the fact you were not a priority. 3 months? That's a blink of the eye. You were too vested way too fast. Move on. Go NC. He ain't comin' back.
Author BrighterFuture Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Ok, cool it on the hostility. I never mentioned how I reacted the the breakup, but maybe I should have. I wasn't mad about it or overly broken up about it. Like you said, we were still in the beginning stages, but things were going well. I certainly didn't become too vested too fast - I know because I've been guilty of that in the past and been crushed. I'm a #1 supporter for his triathlon training, it means a lot to him. I'm also athletic, I'm a runner, so I understand to an extent what his training involves. I just wanted opinions on what people thought about the reason, hoping for some insight from someone who possibly knows a bit about training. There are forums on how to survive a marriage when training, so I know it's a "thing". But thank you for your opinion. You could have chosen to word it a bit nicer just fyi. Obviously he has his priorities and demanding lifestyle right now and until November. I'm not begging for him back. I just feel like I may have false hope that we would try again after his iron man just based on what he said. And I was hoping for insight as to whether people thought this was a valid reason. Maybe just asking him would be my best solution. This was not a crushing breakup, I'm just a bit confused.
Author BrighterFuture Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I think that its probably true. I would be happy that he was honest with me about how he felt. I wouldn't try to get back with him and just let things fizzle out. I'm sorry he chose the competition over you but basically he made his choice unfortunately. You're better off being available to find a man who actually has time for you. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Yeah of course. I would never want him to choose me over his competition so early on. I would be more concerned if he did lol. I respected his decision completely. It's literally his life dream to do one. He's registered and trained twice before and gotten injured right before the competition, so he wants to do it right this time. I really did like him very much as a person, which is why I was reaching out to be friends (and since he said multiple times that he wanted to stay friends and that "he wasn't just saying that" lol). But it might be more effort than it's worth? I just want to know if he meant what he said or if it was a convenient excuse...it's looking like so far people on here think it's the latter.
KaliLove Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 He just wasn't that into you. I don't think he's interested in being friends either. If a guy wants to be with you, he makes it happen. 2
Mr.Pine Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 I just wanted opinions on what people thought about the reason, hoping for some insight from someone who possibly knows a bit about training. There are forums on how to survive a marriage when training, so I know it's a "thing". But thank you for your opinion. You could have chosen to word it a bit nicer just fyi. You are not, at all, picking up what I am putting down. That's ok. You're obviously in denial. It is NOT a "thing". It's called a choice. He made the choice to end the relationship. He told you his reason. It was as plain as day and you are hoping to find some miracle "between the line" answer from us. It's not going to happen. And if you think I wasn't being nice, you're right. I wasn't being nice. I was aiming for honest and blunt and straightforward. You want nice? Talk to your mom. You want honest and blunt and straightforward advice? You got it.
Author BrighterFuture Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 He just wasn't that into you. I don't think he's interested in being friends either. If a guy wants to be with you, he makes it happen. Fair enough. Is it not sometimes easier said than done? I'm more upset over the potential fact that he wasn't honest rather than us not being together. Which is probably a waste of time and I should just move on.
Author BrighterFuture Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 You are not, at all, picking up what I am putting down. That's ok. You're obviously in denial. It is NOT a "thing". It's called a choice. He made the choice to end the relationship. He told you his reason. It was as plain as day and you are hoping to find some miracle "between the line" answer from us. It's not going to happen. And if you think I wasn't being nice, you're right. I wasn't being nice. I was aiming for honest and blunt and straightforward. You want nice? Talk to your mom. You want honest and blunt and straightforward advice? You got it. Sorry if i'm more receptive to advice that doesn't call me "sad" or insinuate that i'm pathetic. I AGREE with his choice to end things. It was mutual on that front. He was the one who brought it up, but I agreed that we should end it if that was going to be his priority. All I was asking about was the validity of the reason since it IS unique in my mind, hence my uncertainty. But people don't seem to think that it is, and maybe it's not. I was just looking for insight into that.
Mr.Pine Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 All I was asking about was the validity of the reason Let me validate it for you. He dumped you in order to ensure he was in tip-top shape for the Ironman. It's not you, it's the workout routine. Feel better?
Author BrighterFuture Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 Let me validate it for you. He dumped you in order to ensure he was in tip-top shape for the Ironman. It's not you, it's the workout routine. Feel better? No. If you can't full invest in a relationship, you shouldn't be in one. He couldn't, and he's no longer in one. That's it. 1
KaliLove Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Fair enough. Is it not sometimes easier said than done? I'm more upset over the potential fact that he wasn't honest rather than us not being together. Which is probably a waste of time and I should just move on. Yeah, it is a waste of time. Honestly, it doesn't really matter what the reason is. If someone wants to make something work, they'll make it work. If they don't, they won't. He didn't. That is valid enough. 1
flitzanu Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 So, replace the typical breakup excuse of being busy studying/working/breathing with being busy training for an iron man triathlon... This happened about 2 weeks ago, and we were still in the early months of the relationship. He started seriously training in the last 3 weeks we were together and it really became a major commitment for him: gone every weekend to a different city to cycle with a pro club, swimming and running in the evenings during the week, and going to the gym early in the morning. It isn't just a hobby for him, he's invested a lot of time and money into this iron man so I get it. Also, his iron man is in November, so that's a long time to be balancing a new relationship (when you want to invest a lot of time in each other) and training. But i'm on the fence as to whether it was just an excuse to let me down easy or if he was being genuine... What he told me when we broke up: -he usually gives his all at the beginning of a relationship felt bad that he couldn't do that -he felt bad that he was increasingly tired when we would hang out or would have to leave for an hour to get in a scheduled run during our time together -he wanted to end things now while we were still on good terms before I started resenting him for not being able to make me more of a priority (and so that IF we wanted to get back together after his iron man then we would be in better standing to do so) -he wanted to stay friends Why I'm unsure if he was being genuine: -he hasn't reached out to talk to me -I've messaged him and he's replied, but it feels almost formal and impersonal Maybe I'm overthinking things, but I haven't been through a breakup that hasn't been straightforward. And I always hear that the "i'm busy" thing is just an excuse, but I do know for a fact that triathlon training is straining even on marriages. Thoughts? breakups are always an excuse, but it still means the same thing.
deathandtaxes Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 He just wasn't that into you. I don't think he's interested in being friends either. If a guy wants to be with you, he makes it happen. That's my view. He used his training as an excuse to dump you. It's not his reason. You're just not the one for him. If he really liked you, OP, he would make time for you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have started dating if he knew he had a training commitment to make.
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