Zero Motivation

[Els]

There have been a small handful of times where I knew people I actually "liked". Not people I felt like I was just "tolerating", like everyone else, but people who I actually genuinely liked for who they were, people I genuinely liked spending time with and talking to. Unfortunately, none of those people ever felt the same way about me, and I never actually got anywhere with them.

 

Okay, I understand the issue of romantic relationships, as people can only have one partner at a time mostly, so they are (and should be!) selective of whom they choose. And they can only have sex with that one person too, so their reasons for turning you down might not be personality-related.

 

But platonic friends? People can have many at a time, and do... so why are none of them wanting to be friends with you if you reach out to them? What do they say? What happens when you try to be friends with them?

[Inflikted]

But platonic friends? People can have many at a time, and do... so why are none of them wanting to be friends with you if you reach out to them? What do they say? What happens when you try to be friends with them?

 

Well, it seems like people are very indifferent to me. I tend to not get included, invited, or whatever, and people just don't seem very interested in conversing with me much. I always kinda feel like I'm just... "there".

 

And when I try to make plans with people, I always just get a lot of indifferent responses, like "I dunno, I'll see, I might have something going on, I'll get back to you, I'll let you know, etc.", but it always just kind of amounts to nothing. And if I try to be more persistent, people seem to get weirded out by me and further pull away.

 

It seems to me, most people connect with each other better than they connect with me. Let me use work, as an example. I'm on pretty good terms with my coworkers, and I try to converse with them and make them laugh, but it just never seems like enough. I'm always the guy that's working on tasks while everyone else gathers on the other side of the story talking and laughing and have a good old time. Many of my coworkers have jokes and references between them that I don't get (because they're of the "You had to be there" nature), they always pick up on conversations and everything, and I'm always just left in the dust.

 

That's pretty much how it always happens when I'm around people; they all connect with each other and have a good time, and I'm just sort of left behind, on the outside looking in. Not that I feel there's any ill will on their part, it's just my inability to really "keep up" with it, and my inability to connect.

[lino]

Not at all, no. I'm also pretty averse to water in general. Never learned how to swim, and my lung capacity sucks because as a kid I had pretty bad asthma. Not to mention, I've had a handful of traumatizing experiences as a child where had someone not been around to save me, I would've drowned. So I'm way too averse to water for something like that.

 

 

 

You do know that swimming increases lung capacity and will help with your asthma? I have personal experience with this and can vouch for it

 

 

I highly recommend you get involved in some swimming activity at your local aquatic centre. Maybe even water polo? Plenty of opportunities to meet people that way.

[Inflikted]

You do know that swimming increases lung capacity and will help with your asthma? I have personal experience with this and can vouch for it

 

 

I highly recommend you get involved in some swimming activity at your local aquatic centre. Maybe even water polo? Plenty of opportunities to meet people that way.

 

Heh, I guess. I dunno, me in water is like trying to put a cat in water; I don't know how to swim, and I'm iffy about learning how to do so.

 

Not to mention, on a more superficial level, swimming usually means not wearing a shirt, and I have a very bizarre, gross looking body, and no one should ever see me without a shirt on. So that right there is off-putting to me.

[lino]

Swimming is something important and very worth learning. It could one day save your life!

 

 

Could you tell me what is so embarrassing about your torso? If you don't want to say it on this topic, you can privately message it to me.

[Inflikted]

Could you tell me what is so embarrassing about your torso? If you don't want to say it on this topic, you can privately message it to me.

 

Well, two things, really. For one, when I was a teen, I had really bad chest acne, and the dark marks and blemishes never went away. Essentially, my chest looks like a ravaged battlefield.

 

On top of that, I have a pretty bad case of gynecomastia, which essentially means I have female-like breasts. The only real option for me there is a plastic surgery that costs way more than I could afford.

[lino]

Well, two things, really. For one, when I was a teen, I had really bad chest acne, and the dark marks and blemishes never went away. Essentially, my chest looks like a ravaged battlefield.

 

On top of that, I have a pretty bad case of gynecomastia, which essentially means I have female-like breasts. The only real option for me there is a plastic surgery that costs way more than I could afford.

 

 

 

That is tough then. I sympathize with you.

 

 

Could your parents help you to pay for any surgery?

[Inflikted]

Could your parents help you to pay for any surgery?

 

Psh, no. My family has never been very well off, and for the last several years, my mom has even been leeching a ton of money off of me for her various costs of living.

[Thruster]

Inflick:

 

Either you like to be the way you are

 

Or you just don't know how to change

 

 

plenty of people who say they want to be outgoing , But can't - their mind is not geared that way.

 

If you want to me motivated - -stop complaining and saying wow is me

 

Dam - we all have it rough - -some just won't let it get to us

 

So make up your mind // we will help from there

[Inflikted]

Inflick:

 

Either you like to be the way you are

 

Or you just don't know how to change

 

 

plenty of people who say they want to be outgoing , But can't - their mind is not geared that way.

 

If you want to me motivated - -stop complaining and saying wow is me

 

Dam - we all have it rough - -some just won't let it get to us

 

So make up your mind // we will help from there

 

I'm not trying to "complain", I'm just so very frustrated, with myself, with my life, with all of it. You say to make up my mind, but this is all I really know:

 

- My upbringing (from childhood into my teens) wasn't conducive to being social, and if anything, it was heavily discouraged

 

- During high school, I was severely bullied for four years straight, which made me more withdrawn

 

- As a 25 year old "adult", I just don't feel like I know how to properly interact, socialize, and connect with people, because I never learned those things growing up, and I've never had success doing so before

 

- Truth be told, I don't really "like" people. I just tolerate them to varying degrees; I don't really have any problems tolerating most people, on average, but I almost never actually "like" someone and want to connect with them. That's why I'm never really interested in finding "activity groups" or "new hobbies" or whatever, because I'm a bit of a pessimistic "loner", and I probably wouldn't bother trying to socialize with strangers anyway. I WISH I "liked" people more often, but I can't force myself to feel something I don't feel.

 

- Despite "not liking" people, I still feel incredibly lonely, and I long for human companionship. I want a normal social life, I want to date, I want to have people around that I "like" and that "like" me, as well. I'm not asking for some wild and crazy adventurous life, but it'd be nice to have some people I'm close with.

 

And that's what I know. It's... kind of just a jumbled fragmented mess of thoughts and feelings, but that's the only way I can put it all out there.

 

I've tried, plenty of times, to be more social and to connect with people, and not one single time have I seen even the slightest bit of success. I understand "life is hard", and all that, but to be 25, nearing 26, and to just be flat out unable to connect with even a single person is, well... extremely depressing.

[Inflikted]

I've got to be honest, for a couple months now, I've sunk lower and lower, and I've hit a point where I've essentially given up on life.

 

Oddly enough, I no longer actually have "feelings" or "emotions". I've been coming to this point for the last couple months, and I've been this way for at least a week or two now. I mean, on some level, I guess it's good that I don't feel bad stuff, like sadness, anger, etc., but it also means I don't feel happiness, joy, excitement, etc. It's weird, because I can usually feel the "chemical reaction" in my body when I have a "feeling" or "emotion", but for the last few weeks, I just have this very... "hollow" feeling.

 

I just... don't feel like I know what I can, at this point, to make a better life for myself. I feel certain that I'm a lost cause, and that there's simply nothing in this world for me. And I don't even feel "sad" about saying that. It just... is.

[ChessPieceFace]

what's the point of doing anything?

 

Objectively there is no point to anything - we're just creatures on a currently-life-bearing wet rock that will someday get incinerated along with almost everything humans have ever done. And even in the cosmic short term, next 1000 years, humanity's future is bleak.

 

IMO, the only point of anything is the enjoyment and/or fulfillment you get out of doing it. Just gotta cling to that.

 

You're alive now - live as best you can. Your life will end one day anyway. Unless you're in unbearable suffering, there's no logical reason to end life early. There are always positive things to work toward.

 

If you're genuinely happy doing nothing and being fat, you can do nothing and be fat, and that would be fine. But I doubt you are / would be, because most people aren't and wouldn't be. In fact you are very depressed and negative, which is apparent from your comments. If you persist in that mindset you will persist where you are. I can't give you motivational speeches but can just say every day and moment you have a choice to give up or to try to make things better.

 

You still have emotions, you just block them in order to cope. Just pick something positive and work toward it. Doesn't have to be weight loss to start with. Think of an activity you'd like to be involved in, and figure out how to get involved in it. You'll meet people and do things, and it will be better than you imagine right now.

[Inflikted]

Nothing I do, whether it's something familiar or something brand new, really ever brings me any kind of joy or fulfillment, though. It all just becomes a boring routine, and if I REALLY feel like I'm not any kind of meaningful "return on investment", I just slowly start giving up on whatever that activity is until I'm no longer doing it at all.

 

Even things I want to do, I have trouble finding motivation in. For instance, I want to have a career in video editing, video production, and producing content (both video and written articles) for the web. I've already pursued my education in this field, and I graduated a month ago. I've been on the look for a new job (and my first "real" job, to get away from my current retail job) for the last month, and despite having sent my resume to a number of places, I've not even gotten any responses, let alone any job interviews. I'm at a point where I just don't even feel like looking for a job anymore, because the opportunities are so few and far between as it is, and I can't even get my foot in the door even a little bit.

 

And on my own free time, I've been running my own personal website for the last 4 months or so, writing articles and making videos for, and I was somewhat enthusiastic about it for the first couple of months, but I've been unable to build up any kind of real audience for my content, and I'm starting to lose interest in producing content for my website. I barely write articles on it anymore, I barely make videos for it anymore. Part of it is due to me just feeling burnt out from working at my retail job that I just never feel like writing or doing videos during my free time. But mostly, I just feel like it's a waste of time, because I have no real audience, and I feel like I'm not making any progress towards a career.

 

If you're genuinely happy doing nothing and being fat, you can do nothing and be fat, and that would be fine. But I doubt you are / would be, because most people aren't and wouldn't be. In fact you are very depressed and negative, which is apparent from your comments. If you persist in that mindset you will persist where you are. I can't give you motivational speeches but can just say every day and moment you have a choice to give up or to try to make things better.

 

Eh. I'm really not even "fat". Sure, I have more of a "belly" than "washboard abs", but I'm a pretty small guy. Heck, put me next to most adults, and I look like a small child in comparison. I'm really just in "Average out of shape American male" shape. Could I stand to lose some pounds? Probably. But I'm fine with the way I look (aside from the hideous things about my body that I simply can't change), and I don't see myself faring any better in life if I shed a couple pounds.

[lino]

Shame about your job situation. I can't help a lot with that as I am in a different country.

 

However if you can't find enjoyment in absolutely ANYTHING then I think professional help is something you need.

 

If you don't mind, can you please outline your daily routine?

[Els]

OP, having read your other thread, IMO you really need to move out, stat. That should be your first priority. Someone who is living in a repressive family environment like you are is obviously going to suffer from depression and lack of motivation.

 

When you have the freedom to do whatever you like with your life without constantly having to answer to your mother, you may find that many doors open themselves up to you.

[Inflikted]

OP, having read your other thread, IMO you really need to move out, stat. That should be your first priority. Someone who is living in a repressive family environment like you are is obviously going to suffer from depression and lack of motivation.

 

When you have the freedom to do whatever you like with your life without constantly having to answer to your mother, you may find that many doors open themselves up to you.

 

Yeah. For some reason, that "first step" is just ridiculously difficult for me. I feel so weak and powerless and hopeless, and I realize that perhaps none of that is ACTUALLY true, but I certainly feel that way.

 

And either way, I know that I'll never truly be able to escape my mother. Yes, when I'm away, with my own life, I can limit and control the amount of interaction, but she can still get into my head when we do interact, and that's kinda why I feel "hopeless". Because no matter what, I'm never going to have a normal relationship with my mom, and as long as we're in contact at all, she can get in my head.

[Eivuwan]

Yeah. For some reason, that "first step" is just ridiculously difficult for me. I feel so weak and powerless and hopeless, and I realize that perhaps none of that is ACTUALLY true, but I certainly feel that way.

 

And either way, I know that I'll never truly be able to escape my mother. Yes, when I'm away, with my own life, I can limit and control the amount of interaction, but she can still get into my head when we do interact, and that's kinda why I feel "hopeless". Because no matter what, I'm never going to have a normal relationship with my mom, and as long as we're in contact at all, she can get in my head.

 

Op, it's me again. I've skimmed over your posts since the last time I responded to you and it's clear to me that the best thing you can do for yourself is to move out. I have a similar family and it's really hard to heal or have a different perspective on life when someone close to you keep telling you you can't do this or that. You have internalized all these messages regardless of whether or not they have any basis in reality. I was able to move away and get therapy for these issues and I'm a lot better now. At the end of the day it's your choice to either take some steps to make your situation better or live the life you are living now. The difference between you and me is that even though my family's comments affected me, I've always had a rebellious attitude and thought that my family was dumb. You need to make all this depression and hopeless, your enemy. Something that you have to fight and conquer instead of something that's part of who you are. One of the things that got me through all this **** was a strong belief that I am not a person who gives in to my fears. I believe that I am a strong person who can get through anything. And even if I am not strong now, I would like to be like that. So what are your values OP? Maybe you should rethink your current ones.

 

Edit: Maybe you should start ignoring how you feel and focus on what you want. Your feelings are clearly not helpful for your right now.