k_mcc Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Me and my current bf (i guess boyfriend, not really sure anymore) have been together for over a year. We are constantly on an off. I know i deserve better, but i am having a hard time letting go. I do love and care about him. We got in a huge fight this weekend about him lying. We met up last night and the night before to talk about things and try to resolve them. I feel like i am in a never ending cycle. We get back together, things are good for a few months, and then they slowly go down hill until its a huge fight, one ignoring the other etc. After this fight, things are a little different. He seems distance, like he doesn't really care anymore, although he has initiated both meet ups and wants to talk again tonight. He doesn't text me as much...if i call him about something i feel like i am bothering him but he says i am not. i feel trapped. I don't want to break his heart and i don't want mine to break by leaving him because i do care a lot and want him in my life. maybe i am just too attached and used to him being around? I know i need to get out because the cycle will just begin all over again, i just don't know how or why i wont... any insight or advice would be great.. I am feeling lost
Jiivy Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I don't know if my advice is "the right" advice, but it's what I would do in your shoes You can see the pattern of fighting and you don't like it. You don't want to hurt the man or be hurt - he lied, you ignored each other, you're distant...you know that whatever the outcome, this behaviour has to end. So make your case to him once and for all. Or at least be clear and stick to a plan. If I were you I'd lay things out on the table...if you feel you've tried enough times to say it's done, then step away. The relationship can't continue in its current form. You either tell him that: 1) this is it...the next time you both reach an impass it's over for good. One last shot. And you MEAN it. 2) you tell him that you've tried too many times to make this work and you've got no more left to give. I think either way, he needs to know your logic and you need to be able to decide that first. I guess most people here on LS will tell you to go for 2. I guess as a dumpee who was never even given an explanation, my heart sits with 1. Just make a choice and stick with it - I don't think that given your description of the situation, either is neccesarily wrong. Let us know how you do. I'm sorry I can't make up your mind for you. Unfortunately, that's your job. 1
Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Me and my current bf (i guess boyfriend, not really sure anymore) have been together for over a year. We are constantly on an off. I know i deserve better, but i am having a hard time letting go. I do love and care about him. We got in a huge fight this weekend about him lying. We met up last night and the night before to talk about things and try to resolve them. I feel like i am in a never ending cycle. We get back together, things are good for a few months, and then they slowly go down hill until its a huge fight, one ignoring the other etc. After this fight, things are a little different. He seems distance, like he doesn't really care anymore, although he has initiated both meet ups and wants to talk again tonight. He doesn't text me as much...if i call him about something i feel like i am bothering him but he says i am not. i feel trapped. I don't want to break his heart and i don't want mine to break by leaving him because i do care a lot and want him in my life. maybe i am just too attached and used to him being around? I know i need to get out because the cycle will just begin all over again, i just don't know how or why i wont... any insight or advice would be great.. I am feeling lost I see some of my past situation in your post. Not calling as much, feeling like I was bothering him,etc.. I should have taken some distance and I didn't. My gut feeling was spot on, so don't ignore yours. I would advice doing what I didn't.. take some distance. Be busy. Not playing, just literally be busy and less available. If anything it will help you with figuring out what you want. And same for him, probably.
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