newby Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 i've done it i've done it, and i did it in the most crppest way possible but know that to go that low i mean i cant delude myself any longer that he can possibly have any intrigue about me, respect, nothing there is no way of lying to myself about that also-i'm better than the t0ss£r really i am, he must not believe it that he got someone like me, only he never really got me he's gotta know that in my right mind i would never you know what, its not so bad, not so bad at all this forum has helped alot, thankyou for all your advice its pretty hard to delude yourself when people are hitting you so hard with the truth also seeing how these situations are all the same, you just cant kid yourself any longer, i mean it's not like you dont know it, you do, its just that when given the choice between huge painful suffering and living in a happy fantasy its quite natural you go for the latter, not consciously of course. i have a great sadness that i have to deal with, not to do with this alone but lots of stuff just gonna have to ride it deep in the abyss you will be reborn
sylviaguardian Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 You go girl! You said in one post that you had low self-esteem. Congratualtions you have taken a huge step towards empowering yourself and getting what you deserve out of life. Keep that thought with you. Sylvia
Barby Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Congradulations! Even if you're just starting to take the steps to break it off...I'm happy for you. As Sylvia said...you're taking back the power and not allowing someone else so much power over your self esteem/emotions. I hope everthing works out for you!
CurlyIam Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 You're a brave girl. All my thoughts go with you. Hugs, Curly
newby Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 thankyou all for supportive words it really does help. how did i do it? do you want the most boring pathetic story that will make you squirm with shame on my behalf? well...here goes i told him over msn, but i didnt just tell him i TALKED about it for ages, i told him how down i was, i told him i was ashamed of myself for doing it, i told him i never would have done it if i hadnt been feeling so depressed and lonely at the time, i said i still feel depressed and lonely, i QUESTIONED him on his reasons (as if they werent obvious!), i said i'm sad and lonely, i wished him luck with his future....by the way all i got in response to anything i said was "ok" and this was very infrequently, yet i still carried on talking, i said i knew my PLACE (shame!) yet was still upset that he didnt offer me any support even come round when i had a bad time last week, i said i wanted more than that, i said i ENVIED the married lifestyle, i said i'm sad and lonely, i said i was emotionally involved... so absolutely no mystery left now then. thats it though i absolutely cant put myself there again now, no way, i have nothing left there, i have no pride left, no dignity left, no mystery left... also, i know he doesnt care all that much either way, i was just an extra thing to do, that also massaged his ego and his balls, i am left now with the odd pang of regret that maybe if i had played the game better i might have won his heart (and i'm usually very good at playing the game so this really bugs me) but probably in all truth PROBABLY it makes not a jot of difference how you play it, PROBABLY there IS no winning here
BoatingBabe Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Yes, as you said in your first post...all the stories here are ALL the same, fundamentally. It's hard not to see the truth when it's hitting you like A TON OF bricks...I, for one, am glad I found this forum before I would have made my own huge mistake... Good luck Newby! and stay STRONG!!
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