Dallers Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Ladies and gents, I have a predicament. One that I need your help with. For a long time I have been coming onto loveshack and giving advice without a care in the world. I am an independent kinda guy and after many long term failed relationships because she just wasn't the right one for me I decided to take a break from it all, It was a great decision. Now things are moving forward in my life karma is on my side I just got a promotion I have faced many of my fears head on and out of the blue a girl has just appeared and if I was describe her I would just say she is the one I have been waiting for. I know what to do but I fear karma will not make this easy for me so I turn to you as the people I have helped in the past for your valuable opinions. Background. This girl I walked past on the way to work every day for 6 months. She was always with mates and I thought wow she is my ideal girl, but nothing ever happened because the stranger in the street approach is so difficult. She was always in the back of my mind but alas it was never going to be. I joined up a few months ago on Tinder and randomly went through it the girls in my area and swiped left or right I found it very mundane and left but didn't uninstall it. 6 months <last night> i get a notification to say F has liked me. I didn't twig straight away but she seemed familiar and so I messaged saying "How do I know you.....x" 24 hours later no reply. I walk to work this morning and on the other side of the road there she is, I thought I had not seen her in ages but I had just I was so in my own world I must have still been walking past her without realising it! This just seems to much of a coincidence to me to not be fate but I have been out of the dating game for a long time and need to know what you think should happen from here. Should I: - Wait now I have realised who she is for her to reply. - Wait a while then follow up with "I remember you" - Switch to the other side of the road and talk to her (could be with mates) - Another idea I do not have that you have Thanks D
Smilecharmer Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 She liked you on the app so she apparently is casually interested in meeting. Wait for her to write you back, and if she doesn't, tell her you figured out who she is and ask her if she would like to go for a walk or to the park or something. This is so exciting. I hope it all works out for you. 2
Valen Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 - Switch to the other side of the road and talk to her (could be with mates) That's what I would do. If she is the same girl that like you on that app, then you have an opening to talk to her. Go for it. Keep us posted. 1
TheNewMe2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I don't know how Tinder works - but I'd suggest writing her back on there and mentioning or asking if she walks on that road. From there, you might have a great opening. I'm kinda 50/50 on approaching her on the Street if that's not your typical MO. Though, there is nothing technically wrong with it and could work out fine. But Tinder has given you an easy opening an environment where she is expecting responses and prepared for it - vs on the street. 1
Author Dallers Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Very good replies so far thank you. You are answering the same questions that my brain is considering. I think you are right that I need to follow up but not yet, at the same time I risk the street approach and although I am like a dog on heat and could pull it off she might not be the approachable type and become intimidated by me. Not to mention who is to say that I cross over on the same day she does, now that would be comedy
TheNewMe2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 No - follow-up NOW...but not on the street. Esp from what I do know about Tinder and OLD in general, there is always another guy around the corner (pardon the pun). Act now - she showed interest. Absolutely no reason to wait.
Author Dallers Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 No - follow-up NOW...but not on the street. Esp from what I do know about Tinder and OLD in general, there is always another guy around the corner (pardon the pun). Act now - she showed interest. Absolutely no reason to wait. Might have confused you. I have already contacted her but no reply. I am not sure she has logged back in yet. True you are right there is always another guy, but there are always others women 1
J21 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I'd wait for her to reply, You could come off too eager if you contact her again. Even if she liked you on the app, eager/ clinginess can kill off interest. Also people dont log onto tinder for several days so dont linger on how many days past. You haven't even met her or know anything about her, so don't have all these preconceived ideas "she's the one I've been waiting" already built up. Its unnecessary build up. And dude, confidence!! Stop worrying about "this is the one time i dont wanna mess up". I mean who *wants* to ever mess up when going for a girl? Tackle this with a positive can do attitude. All you can do is tap into your previous relationship experience, (taking the stuff that works and leaving out the stuff that doesn't) and hope it works out for both. Good luck man!!! Hoping shes all you've been hoping for and more!! 2
ChatroomHero Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I don't know how Tinder works - but I'd suggest writing her back on there and mentioning or asking if she walks on that road. From there, you might have a great opening. I'm kinda 50/50 on approaching her on the Street if that's not your typical MO. Though, there is nothing technically wrong with it and could work out fine. But Tinder has given you an easy opening an environment where she is expecting responses and prepared for it - vs on the street. I would say this is a pretty good way to handle it. The other thing I would mention is that you felt like she is the one simply when you saw her walking on the street. For all you know she lights puppies on fire for fun. Back down a bit and if you get a date out of it, look at it like she is someone you are attracted to and would like to get to know instead of treating it like she is actually "the one". 1
Author Dallers Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 I'd wait for her to reply, You could come off too eager if you contact her again. Even if she liked you on the app, eager/ clinginess can kill off interest. Also people dont log onto tinder for several days so dont linger on how many days past. You haven't even met her or know anything about her, so don't have all these preconceived ideas "she's the one I've been waiting" already built up. Its unnecessary build up. And dude, confidence!! Stop worrying about "this is the one time i dont wanna mess up". I mean who *wants* to ever mess up when going for a girl? Tackle this with a positive can do attitude. All you can do is tap into your previous relationship experience, (taking the stuff that works and leaving out the stuff that doesn't) and hope it works out for both. Good luck man!!! Hoping shes all you've been hoping for and more!! Top post. This is what I decided on and to not to put my balls in a bag. I think when that feeling is concerned we can all become a little over eager and need reminding from time to time to not show it too soon.
TheNewMe2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 concur with chatroom...forgot to mention that. Don't know how she could be 'the one' without meeting her. physical attractiveness only goes so far and lasts so long in a 'perfect' relationship. 1
HappyLove Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I wouldn't mention the road you walk on you'll sound like a creepy stalker. I'd give her a couple days to respond if nothing then I'd do a nice approach on the street. I think meeting in person is wayyyy better than on tinder anyway. 2
Author Dallers Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 I wouldn't mention the road you walk on you'll sound like a creepy stalker. I'd give her a couple days to respond if nothing then I'd do a nice approach on the street. I think meeting in person is wayyyy better than on tinder anyway. I am pretty sure she knows who I am she has been walking past me for a half a year I just clearly haven't been paying attention to the signs. I agree with you on the meet in person but it is a difficult and risky situation that requires confirmation first before doing. Have to remember the meet was on an app not officially in person to begin with.
HappyLove Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I wouldn't assume that she's 100% sure of who you are. I've seen neighbors online dating that I see all the time, we live in same building, and STILL I'm not absolutely sure it's them. She may have just thought you looked familiar.
Author Dallers Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) Ok i wanted to feedback on this morning because this was a huge step for me and you all helped me to achieve my goal. I didn't get a reply. I decided on the way to work I would approach her and keep it short sharp and to the point. I ran halfway to work to make sure I didn't miss her and I was fired up. I saw her and approached and got straight to the point: "F, will you talk to me for a moment" She was not aware who I was as per above poster. But the approach in the street was the right thing to do. I said that I did recognise her and she had my attention then just like she did now. I brimmed with confidence as I said it. I then said that I would really like to take her out sometime. She said yes and I got her number. I proceeded with a quick question about her job and where she lived and then cut the conversation short taking back control and closed. She ended with, make sure you call me when you are back, as I am going away for a while. Guys two things. First Marni Kinrys helped me so so much her book "Get Inside her" will tell you why you need to ask and not request and changed my whole mentality for this situation. Read the book twice and then go for it, if I can ask out my dream girl on the street you have every chance. Just brim with confidence DO IT NOW! Again thank you for your comments. I stand by my signature. Edited May 1, 2014 by Dallers 2
Valen Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Glad you step up and approach her in person. Good job. Now the big moment comes, schedule a date with her. 3
HappyLove Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 YAY!!!!!!! So happy for you OP! Glad it worked out. Good luck! If only we all had the guts to do what you did, OP! 2
Author Dallers Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 You do happylove. It only takes one time to beat it. I feel as though I could go up to any girl and ask her out now without a care in the world and walk away smiling rain or shine. Although I hopefully won't need to use my new found talent I cannot recommend Marni Kinrys enough she changed me by putting her words with my new found confidence. Do not waste as much time as I have to beat this fear it is without doubt the worst social anxiety feeling I have ever suffered. But now it's gone. D 1
Valen Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) You do happylove. It only takes one time to beat it. I feel as though I could go up to any girl and ask her out now without a care in the world and walk away smiling rain or shine. Although I hopefully won't need to use my new found talent I cannot recommend Marni Kinrys enough she changed me by putting her words with my new found confidence. Do not waste as much time as I have to beat this fear it is without doubt the worst social anxiety feeling I have ever suffered. But now it's gone. D I remember when I was young, I would ask girls out knowing they would reject me just to train myself not to be bother by rejection. I did it enough times and I can walk away from it with a smile. Funny thing is, I later learn that even if a girl rejects you the first time, they will always remember you. So the next time I bump into them, I still smile and say hi. Oddly enough, if you ask them again, they would even say yes. I have seen this happen plenty of times. I learn this from a hot girl actually. I ask her how did her boyfriend get her. She is a 9/10. She said he was a customer who ask her out once but she rejected him. He would come by once in a while and she remembers him. And he was always polite to her. And one year past by, he ask her out again. This time, she agreed. And I ask her why she change her mind? She said, the time she rejected him was because she always naturally rejects guys who hit on her. And because he comes by over the course of a year, she gotten to know him as a customer and finds out he was a really great person. And so when he ask her again, she was happy to agreed. Now they are married. Edited May 1, 2014 by Valen 3
Author Dallers Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 It is so true as well. Cannot stress enough prepare prepare prepare, stop beating yourself up and tap into that hidden confidence which every man has inside them. It is ourselves that is the problem as we made ourselves this way, not the women and not the situation. 1
Author Dallers Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 Alright so. The situation has taken a turn for the worst. After I got her number I text her mine said that appreciated her stopping to talk to me. She replied and that evening I have to go away for a weekend away with the lads. (Stag party) she knew I was away didn't say stag party. I fired off a text yesterday 2 days later letting her know I was thinking about her and she fired one straight back showing real interest. I replied saying I would call her this evening to set up a date. Cut to today I find out we are not gonna be back till real late and so I call her this afternoon. She doesn't answer. I text explaining and say I am back tomorrow also asking how her weekend went. Read my messages and nothing since. I assumed I have managed to piss her off by letting her down calling her at the time she wanted and I am getting the ignore me treatment. Or I have screwed up and she is no longer interested. Is this one of occasions that you just have to wait for her reply? Or should I try and call her again tomorrow evening to replace this evening? Or just forget it and realise she lost interest. Sigh. I cannot handle dating games. Lol.
HappyLove Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Leave it alone, you called and texted. Wait for her to get back to you. 2
Hopeful30 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 First of all, if karma won't make it easy, then why are you on this forum!! Get to work man!! Second, I would suggest saying hi when walking past. It's more romantic and you can actually meet in person on the street, and not through "a phone application kids!".
Valen Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Alright so. The situation has taken a turn for the worst. After I got her number I text her mine said that appreciated her stopping to talk to me. She replied and that evening I have to go away for a weekend away with the lads. (Stag party) she knew I was away didn't say stag party. I fired off a text yesterday 2 days later letting her know I was thinking about her and she fired one straight back showing real interest. I replied saying I would call her this evening to set up a date. Cut to today I find out we are not gonna be back till real late and so I call her this afternoon. She doesn't answer. I text explaining and say I am back tomorrow also asking how her weekend went. Read my messages and nothing since. I assumed I have managed to piss her off by letting her down calling her at the time she wanted and I am getting the ignore me treatment. Or I have screwed up and she is no longer interested. Is this one of occasions that you just have to wait for her reply? Or should I try and call her again tomorrow evening to replace this evening? Or just forget it and realise she lost interest. Sigh. I cannot handle dating games. Lol. My god, Dallers, why did you make it so complicated to set up a date. The time you got her number, you should be planning the date for the weekend and ask her on the phone. I would have skip the trip with the lads for this girl. You gotta keep that passion going. The more time passes, the less she becomes interested. But not all is lost, at this point just wait for her to respond. Just don't panic. 1
Author Dallers Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 It was family related. There was nothing I could do. I did say that I was going away and that I would call sunday and I did, and followed up. Oh well will just wait and see if not move on.
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