Chibaby Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Ok this is weird. I just found out my ex got married. We broke up well over 10 years ago, and he was not a good boyfriend at all. I've obviously moved in as I am married to a great guy. So why does this upset me? He was the only guy that ever truly broke my heart and scarred me emotionally. I don't think I ever really got over it as I still harbor resentment. I will always feel weird and messed up from that relationship. I don't know why, I have a great career, family and life, why do I care? I feel kind if jealous and angry actually. Like why wasn't I good enough? But at the same time, thank god it didn't work out as my life would not be as wonderful as it is today. I haven't even spoken to him in years! Also it bugs me because he only liked and dated Asian girls. I'm only half Asian so is that why I didn't fit the bill? The girl he married is obviously Chinese OF COURSE! Why do I even care or feel this way, and why didn't I ever heal from that relationship? I DO NOT want to be with him, why can't I just get over it? Has anyone ever experienced the same feelings? Maybe I just wanted him to grow old and die not knowing what love is- knowing he could have had me...they say the best revenge is success, and I've been doing great so why is this getting under my skin?! I need a serious pep talk. 1
Purepony Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I feel the same way about my ex... any pinions out there?
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 There's a pop song called I Can't Get Over You Getting Over Me. It applies here. People do grow & change over time. There are probably things about the new wife that make her more compatible with your EX then you were. My husband shares a lot of good qualities that my EX's had but the parts that are different make him a better fit for me.
DKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Could be because you view it as why not for me. We often assume that couples are happy, because he married her they must be happy right? If their happy then he must have changed, so why couldn't he change for me? Why was he such an a$$ with me? The odds are he is the same guy with another girl that has a different set of deal breakers. Also we tend to hang on to relationships that ending is out of our control. Sometimes we think we're still in love, most times it is manifested in anger and resentment. Honestly, I think we all feel a slight sting when an ex moves on. I'm sure the feeling will last a short time. 1
Arieswoman Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I think DTK3 nails it here, The odds are he is the same guy with another girl that has a different set of deal breakers. Unless he has gone into therapy and/or has done some serious self-examination, he will be the same person with the same attitudes and same coping strategies. Different strokes ...etc 1
almond Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 The reason you can't get over it is likely because it hit your ego, and you can't let that go. You need to move past it - this is something within you that is holding you back in this instance. You need to do a little soul searching and realise some things. What someone else things of you in no way defines who you are, or what you're worth. His opinion of you is based on his perception, and it is completely irrelevant. Work on developing and nurturing your self-perception, and this will resolve itself.
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