confusiontothemax Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 ok, here goes! about threemonths ago i started kinda dating this guy. i say "kinda" cause when the whole thing started and we got really into each other (lunches daily and him visitiing) we both talked and decided we were going to take things slow. he's been divorced and has two kids, i am going through divorce and have one 2 year old. first month is great! come december he got really busy. he owns a realty and mortgage company. and i barely got to see him. it's been that way since. i see him once a week, but we still talk daily. last i saw him was a week and a half ago, and that day we took it to the next level, eventhough he had told me a few days before that he really liked me and that he wanted to be sure of things, cause normally when he has sex with a girl he date, that's the end of it. after that he called me and i called him on a daily basis. last we talked was wednesday. he called during the day....then i called him that night and no answer. i left a message...called him next day and left message and no call back...called him yesterday and no answer...left no message. and today is saturday and he hasn't called. i know that he's had a full schedule with his kids and work, but should i keep trying to call? or should i just take a hint? please help
upsetnhurt Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 No more calls please. Just live day by day and take care of yourself. If he returns the phone call you will then be a bit more mentally prepared to speak to him. If he doesn't call then you need not worry as he has done you a favor and not wasted your time. This is his problem, definitely not yours as you have made it clear you are interested in speaking to him.
Tiger-Lily Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Originally posted by confusiontothemax then i called him that night and no answer. i left a message...called him next day and left message and no call back...called him yesterday and no answer...left no message. and today is saturday and he hasn't called. At this point he knows that you want to talk to him, since you have been leaving messages. Don't hang around, fruitlessly hoping he will call you and don't call him again. It is clear that he does not respect you. Say "His loss" and "Next!"
JoL Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Ouch. It sounds to me like another case of "he is just not that into you"...I'm sorry! He may have a busy schedule, but it wouldnt hurt him to simply call you up and let you know he may be bogged down for a few days, right? Im sorry, you seem like you really like this guy, but if he wanted to talk to you he would call you. Worst case scenario- if there was something wrong with his answering machine or his phone and he didnt get the messages- he would still find SOME way to call you and ask you how you have been and what youve been doing and he wanted to hear your voice because he hadnt heard from you in a few days..but that is highly unlikely...he probably did get the messages and the phone calls and just didnt bother replying- rude? yes. uncommon? not at all. I hope that we are wrong, of course, but the signs are pointing in the direction that this guy just hasnt bothered calling because well, he doesnt want to. Dont call him anymore, let him come to you if he WANTS to.
confusiontothemax Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 you know...you guys are so right! men are just jerks. i'm too old for this kind of games. i just don't understand how a guy can say such great things and stress how much he likes me and how he sees something really good coming out from what we had....and then make me feel played a few days later. that's what gets me so confused!
Groovy Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Your not alone girl! I just went through the same thing with my ex who swears he's still into me and got scared with the intimacy and expectations. But then acts like I am not important to follow up on his words, I feel like chopped liver. What a shmuck. We both need to find someone who is mature and does not have issues. I'm moving along and happy to leave people like that behind! BTW, nice avatar Tiger Lily! I bought Tiger Lily's to cheer myself up fo V'day coming up. Hooray for Tiger Lilies, they worked ....
upsetnhurt Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Confusion, Yes...many men are jerks . Certain guys are just not ready for commitment. You can't blame them....all you need to do is to avoid them! Let me say that there are alot of women that are jerks as well. My ex for instance.......I never will question her character or integrity yet I will always question her choices when it came to me.
jgs78 Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 yes what is the deal with men and their being scared to commit? EVEN if you are just looking to have someone to date on a regular basis and not looking for marriage, they always seem to shrivel up at the ideal of "serious." WHAT is up?!
Midwest guy Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I say you keep calling. Thats my opinion and thats why I do also.
Groovy Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 But why should a girl be left to believe the issue is in her hands to change someone? I cannot make excuses for my ex who decided to go golfing today versus make time for me after telling me I mean so much that it overwhelmed him. And if he is so afraid with honest spoken words what can I expect if I got pregnant or sick or really needed him sometime? This man has told her he cares a lot but then does not follow up or take actions to show her apprecition she deserves and give assurance she needs. She can make excuses as to how he is so busy, etc. Actions speak louder than words though. That is what she needs to look at here, what is he really saying? It's all in whether or not the effort is there to support those words out of his mouth. And though it's not an intentional mind game, it is a mind game of misleading people and miscommunication. One of being left in the dark and not knowing truths. That to me is a really make shift relationship ready to fall apart. I'd prefer not to be a part of! I say don't call him and buy yourself a bouquet (sp?) of flowers! Get yourself a real man.
Tiger-Lily Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Your avatar is just as nice. I actually like pink flowers and hopefully we all could find good men...
lostinlove0479 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 I am in the "why did he just stop calling me" crew as well. I'd been seeing this guy for about 7 mths. Constant communication, always texting/talking on the phone but we'd see eachother like once a week b/c we both have busy schedules. It was ok though b/c we worked the same shift at the same company and we had the same off days, so it was like we were ALWAYS talking/seeing eachother/text messaging eachother. Then he switched shifts, started working at night, and the first wk it was only text talk. We are approaching wk 3 and for the past 2 wks, hardly any communication. I was calling him anally (is that a word :-) ) at first. Now, mentally I've gotten used to not talking to him so after several almost nervous breakdowns in the past few wks I'm realizing that he obviously does not really wanna talk to me. He gave me the whole, "I'm going thru some things right now" and he has texted me to just check on me, but it's not sitting right that he's not calling me and it's days at a time b4 he'll text again. I'm not writing him off completely. But, I've started back going on with my girls to see if I can meet someone new just in case he's b.s.ing me. I know that everyone handles problems differently but damn! Life is entirely too short for me to twiddle my thumbs in aspirations of you wanting to talk to/see me, get thru your issues. My advice to you is the same that I'm taking myself. If you need attention or if you just don't want to wait around for your guy, DON'T! There are many men out there to take your mind off of him. For whatever reason, they seem to feel when your not waiting around for them, like they can sense your aura or something. He will miss all your calls when he won't have the option to look at his phone and think, "I don't wanna talk to her right now", and for whatever reason, THEY CALL. It's like a transfer of energy, when we stop thinking about them, they start to think about us. And at that point, you are running the show. Stop calling and busy yourself with other things to do. It's hard to do until you've made up your mind that it would be his loss to never call again. Nevertheless, it might be a blessing that he stopped calling. One that may be proven later. Take care of you. As I like to say, "Do you!" Take all the eggs out his basket and start to disperse them amongst other prospects. Good luck... lostinlove
confusiontothemax Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 hey guys! i have to thank you for all the great advice. i'm almost embarassed to say that yesterday i didn't call at all, but today i had to do it in the afternoon. i had to leave a message to say i had gotten the hint. just so that he knew that his message was going through...couldn't just leave it at that. so moving along. life goes on...and i guess i just have to let it go. there are more important things to worry about in life
Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 No don't keep calling him. There are so many ways to contact people anymore IF you REALLY want too. Cell Phones.. good God sometimes they can make calls all on thier own Land Lines Text Messaging Instant Messaging Email Snail Mail Telegram Smoke Signals LOL You get the idea... IMO when someone really cares about you, has an interest in you and is all about you.. they MAKE TIME for you no matter how damn busy they are.. psshhh You're busy too right?! BUT when YOU'RE all about someone, you take the time to let them know.
CurvyGurl Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Midwest guy I say you keep calling. Thats my opinion and thats why I do also. Sure, if you want her to think you're a stalker. STOP calling. She gets the point. If she's not calling back she doesn't want to talk to you.
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