I broke NC and finally decided to move on.

[thysecret]

We were in a LDR for 1.5 years. He used to love me so much but few months ago, he started to lose feelings (which he did not told me till 1 month ago). It started because i treated him very badly and gives him alot of stress.

Well, for the past few months he still treat me really good but he told me it was because he was guilty. We had fights that i "threaten" to break up but he refused to break up & chased me back.

 

He just got a new job, night classes, business in making and he do not have any time for me at all. We wont be able to see each other till next year as well. The time difference makes it even harder for us to communicate.

I just visited him last month but we had alot of quarrels due to stress and he told me he don't love me anymore and his career is his priority, he was just guilty for not feeling the same way as me. He said he tried to get his love back, but it just keep fading.

We tried to work it out for a month but failed...

 

So we broke up 3 weeks ago, he told me he don't love me anymore.

I tried NC for 1 week and contacted him and he replied whenever i text him.

And we had a talk, i told him i still love him & willing to wait and change myself for the better.. He told me he thinks he still love me somewhere in his heart but he is just too busy for a relationship now.

So he told me that we will start over from friends and slowly back to lovers.

 

And so, we have been texting here & there but i am the one who texted him first. He is still sexually attracted to me but i told him i am not up for friends with benefits & he understands that. Well he had called me twice within this 2 weeks and admitted he did miss me a little bit.

 

Before we started dating, he was like this as well, cold & often ignore my texts due to work/tired. What upsets me is he do not text me if i don't initiate & he rather play games than talk to me..

i understand that he is very busy with work and studies nowadays so i do not push him for attention like i used to do.

But sometimes i am paranoid & insecure that he might be leading me on. He said he do not have any other girls there and is just focusing on his career, i trust his words in this as i know his character well.

 

I know it was my fault for being so unreasonable & childish and i am now using this time to change myself for the better & not take him for granted anymore.

He is still responsive to my texts but he will always tell me he got to go and end the conversation. He is not the kind who express his feelings well & bad with words so i do not know what he is thinking.

 

Do you guys still think i have a chance or it's really over?

What should i do if i want him back?

[AtTheStart]

In my opinion, history, and studies (ha)...

 

If you want him back...don't want him back. Follow for a second....

 

I don't know you, am not sure if you know it but I already know you're delightfully wonderful!!! Do you feel/know that?! Well you are! Maybe you forgot that, started stressing S.O. out, lost focus in bettering yourself and allowing him to be a compliment to that but you, like me, like so many others are now *here*...at a break up. Think about that, you might not accept it immediately BUT i can promise YOUR pathway towards healing will begin RIGHT NOW if you say out loud to yourself...We have broken up. There is no more us. There is only me. This is truth, HE, not you, for whatever reason decided his life would be better without you in it. So forget you stressing him out...this was on him, not you!

 

Take those realizations of the mistakes you make (just observe, learn from them, and don't beat yourself up) and use them to say to yourself...we'll Ill never make those mistakes again.

 

But still, like everyone, you say you want him back... Well here is another truth...

 

You don't. Really. Honestly. You don't.

 

You want someone back who broke up with you? Someone who said Im better without you? Someone who wasn't willing to work on communicating better or working through whatever problems you had? Or someone who lost attraction to you? I could go on but I'm not going to beat the realizations YOU should be making into your head.

 

So like most...you STILL are thinking about how you want him back. Well if that's true. You have to again realize no-you-dont. Start to think about the ways this person was NOT improving your life, your experience on Earth.

 

Now get ready to get a little excited! There are 6 billion people on this planet which means there is someone, out there, looking for you, RIGHT NOW. Who is...you have to respect logic here, 6 billion people= someone BETTER for you and to you. You need to go absolutely NO CONTACT....do not reply to anything other than "aaaaaaaaah I made a huge mistake and will DO ANYTHING to change it"...

 

...no "i miss you's" or "I'll always love you" or "happy birthdays" or "hi's" ....NOTHING (except perhaps the above mention).

 

The final truth....this person...really and honestly...you don't want him back. If he was "A one", he'd not have broken up with you. So you need to focus on improving your own life experience, become a better version of yourself as you can only depend on yourself for YOUR happiness. IF this person is meant for you, it's not at their current mindset, maturity, stage in life, etc. THEY will need to realize that of their own volition...at which point (and this is exciting and scary at the same time) you will be at a most glorious point in your life where things will have gotten so good you'll be the one considering if they are even good for you.

 

To placate though, as I know you're likely hurting...the only way for a true reconnecting (not reconciliation) is WAY down the line...after a LONG period of not contacting each other...where you're both completely different stronger people.

 

So please, LOVE YOURSELF, and for now do not break no contact. If he reaches out with a breadcrumb it will only be to make him feel better about breaking up with you.

 

Welcome, we love you! And are right there with you.

[AtTheStart]

It just sounds like your happiness is tied to him, (which that's what happened to me), and yes your heart is hurting but it's completely not right to tie that much of YOUR OWN happiness in the identity of a relationship.

 

So please, take this time to better yourself like you said, away from him so you can stand on your own.

 

It'll make you attractive to whomever you end up with!

[Ben ang]

My ex gf break up with me a few times. if he really cherish you he should not mention about break up. resolve it like adult, sit down and communicate.

 

I guess he will hurt you again like my ex gf. you are not alone. let's heal together.

[thysecret]

Thanks everyone! You guys have been really supportive. I guess the problem lies with me as i was really bad to him. I am the one who did not appreciate what i had till i lost it. I was insecure and controlling, it was because my ex cheated on me many times and i was afraid. I pushed him away and he always give in to me. For me, he sacrifice all his freedom, his relationship with his parents, he do not talk to any girls and he did whatever i said. I am truly remorse over this and i had apologised to him. Everyone warned me but i did not listen. For now, i am working hard towards becoming a better person, let go of all the bad past. Be it whether im back with him or the next guy, i believe i can be a better girlfriend.

 

I feel horrible as even after the breakup, i still sorta "controlled" him. Sometimes, when it's too late, there is nothing you can do.. I am now giving him space and i really appreciate the fact that he gave me a chance to start over as friends.. Honestly, i was the worst kind of girlfriend. I even said many mean things to him out of anger and even after the break up, he said i was too good for him.

 

Although he is wrong in giving up on me, i believe it takes both hands to clap. I was always faithful to him though.

We just had too much obstacles. Stress from work, parents, immigration really take a toll on us. So i guess the only thing i could do is let him go.

And learn to love myself from now on.

[thysecret]

I broke NC a few times, and it keeps pulling me back (blame me for being stubborn and not sticking to NC!) my LDR ex keep throwing me breadcrumbs due to guilt. Just last week, he was saying he want to start over and misses me abit. But I feel empty, as he often ignore my texts. The reason we broke up is because he say he is too busy & he don't love me anymore.

 

Suddenly he turned cold (as expected?), and I was guilty of being a text/call gnat! He totally ignored me and I went back to NC.

Yesterday I broke NC again, tried to be nice and "friends". I know I shouldn't do that but I just gave in to the temptation...... So well, this time he told me he is interested in someone else and he have no time for me.

 

As usual, emotions over-run and I kept asking who is the girl (I already have my suspicious), but he ignored me totally again.

But surprisingly, I don't feel as sad as when we broke up (1 month ago).

Maybe deep inside, I was waiting for him to tell me there is someone else in the picture and let go of him.

 

This time I found a "reason" to finally go all NC and not look back.

I did not regret breaking NC this time. Because when I was receiving breadcrumbs, I feel much more horrible.

So I believe sometimes going LC just slowly force you to give up because you see their true colours.

"You know more about a person during the end of the relationship more than the beginning".

 

As much as I want to "promote" NC, I know recent dumpees find it really hard (been there, done that). I was the kind that thinks" no he's different, I need to keep contact and he will come back to me" and now when I think back, how stupid I was, how desperate I was. But well, if you never try, you never know, no regrets and just move forward now!

 

So my advice is follow your heart, clear whatever doubts you have. It hurts but sometimes you need to be hurt enough to be able to move on (doesn't apply to everyone).

"Do not be sad when someone gives you up, feel sad for them for giving up on someone who would never had given up on them"

Good luck everyone!

[SCJACK]

"You know more about a person during the end of the relationship more than the beginning".

 

"Do not be sad when someone gives you up, feel sad for them for giving up on someone who would never had given up on them"

 

I like your quotes

[thysecret]

I like your quotes

 

Thanks! I don't know your story but good luck as well!

[ahthepain]

I took the same view.

 

My ex said she just wanted to be alone and have no hassle of a relationship and I found after a few weeks I was making good progress then she jumped into a relationship with a guy who she met 3 days prior on a dating site. That hit me hard. Again I went over a few days ago and asked all the questions, did some begging ect. I know in my mind 100% now that she really isn't interested and that I tried everything I could have.

 

So I have gone full no contact and blocked her fb (something I should have done a while ago), but I feel I will make it through this within a month or two. I just can't wait until the day when I can wake up, go the whole day without thinking about her then at night look back and think "Wow I'm so glad I actually got out of that relationship, it really was for the better".

 

Good luck.

[thysecret]

I took the same view.

 

My ex said she just wanted to be alone and have no hassle of a relationship and I found after a few weeks I was making good progress then she jumped into a relationship with a guy who she met 3 days prior on a dating site. That hit me hard. Again I went over a few days ago and asked all the questions, did some begging ect. I know in my mind 100% now that she really isn't interested and that I tried everything I could have.

 

So I have gone full no contact and blocked her fb (something I should have done a while ago), but I feel I will make it through this within a month or two. I just can't wait until the day when I can wake up, go the whole day without thinking about her then at night look back and think "Wow I'm so glad I actually got out of that relationship, it really was for the better".

 

Good luck.

 

I was angry at first because he sorta "lie" to me.. somehow i use that reason to move on. It hurts so badly at first. I did not block his fb yet but he does not post anything there.

What he told me is he is interested in some else but no feelings. I don't get what it means but i am moving on..

Perhaps one day he will realise how good (or bad) i am.

 

How's your progress?

[ahthepain]

I was angry at first because he sorta "lie" to me.. somehow i use that reason to move on. It hurts so badly at first. I did not block his fb yet but he does not post anything there.

What he told me is he is interested in some else but no feelings. I don't get what it means but i am moving on..

Perhaps one day he will realise how good (or bad) i am.

 

How's your progress?

 

Slow.

 

But I was feeling much better a few weeks after BU before I found out she rebounded. What I think hurt most was the fact she was clearly missing alot from being in a relationship with me but got with some random guy instead of wanting me back.

 

I gave her the world. I honestly was a great boyfriend to her and she has said time and time again she will look back at the last 3 years with very fond memories and I was great to her, but she has no feelings for me. I tried everything so now I know I have to move on.

 

My biggest worry was that she would not remember the good times (now she is just remembering the bad times), but I have a strong feeling in a few years time she will realise what we had. If she does or doesn't it shouldn't bother me.

 

Even a month on it's hard to see if I have made any progress. I can't quite remember the feelings of a month ago. But I know I was alot more emotional but I had hope, now I have killed that hope.

[thysecret]

Slow.

 

But I was feeling much better a few weeks after BU before I found out she rebounded. What I think hurt most was the fact she was clearly missing alot from being in a relationship with me but got with some random guy instead of wanting me back.

 

I gave her the world. I honestly was a great boyfriend to her and she has said time and time again she will look back at the last 3 years with very fond memories and I was great to her, but she has no feelings for me. I tried everything so now I know I have to move on.

 

My biggest worry was that she would not remember the good times (now she is just remembering the bad times), but I have a strong feeling in a few years time she will realise what we had. If she does or doesn't it shouldn't bother me.

 

Even a month on it's hard to see if I have made any progress. I can't quite remember the feelings of a month ago. But I know I was alot more emotional but I had hope, now I have killed that hope.

 

I'm only on day 1.. Maybe i'm still on the denial stage all over again & it takes days for the truth to set in..

I believe you were really nice to her, but for my case, i treated him quite badly at the end of the relationship due to many things (which is his fault sometimes).. BUT i was there for him despite him having nothing

 

What hurts the most for me is, he can simply move on and even those memories we had couldn't hold him back. I mean like, a person who used to love you so much, now turn into a stranger.

I think it wouldn't take few years, UNLESS the rebound guy is better than you. That's what i am afraid, that the grass is indeed greener. But i guess it's a matter of time that he moved on, just didn't expect it to be so soon.

But on LS, they say dumper usually had already emotionally detached themselves way before the BU.

 

What i can't understand is, how could he just fall out of love and everything seems to mean nothing to him. What makes me feel worse is, thinking about "who is that girl? is she better than me?"