Chris2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Hey everyone!! This is my first post, sorry if its a bit depressing!! Here's my story, 17 months ago I met the girl of my dreams, we knew each other from school but had not see each other since then.We hit it off straight away, it was amazing too say the least!! For the next 3 months we never spent more than 3 days apart!! I had my own home n so did she, she got me a key cut too her house as that's where we spent most of the 3 months together!! I was a chronic marijuana smoker and had been for 9 years, it never bothered her, in fact she even smoked it a few times when we were together!! She had been thru some bad relationships and phases in her life and I just wanted too take care of her, we had never been so happy!! Another month past and it was still amazing, we both worked full time and spent any free time together!! We both decided we would look for a home together as both our houses were one apartments!! We also discussed trying for a kid, which after 4 months sounds crazy now but at the time it felt right!! I decided too stop smoking cannabis too save money for the house/kid.Thats where it all went downhill.I got hit with the biggest n craziest withdrawals,anxiety attacks, sweats, insomnia the lot!! It went on for 3 months n I worked through it thinking it would get better.I went to the doctors n he prescribed me beta blockers too try stop the physical symptoms n he signed me off work for four weeks!! This made it worse as it gave me more time too sit about n fuel the anxiety, I never realised it at the time but it was the worst decision to stay off work!! Back too the docs 4 week later and I got put on Zoloft, nothing was helping!! This went on for the next 3 months, I made an app with the local mental health centre as I thought I was going insane or psychotic, the anxiety was crippling!! They said it was a phase and it would pass bit it was defiantly taking its toll on our relationship, she had seen me go from a confident, outgoing guy too a anxiety ridden mess!! We still looked for houses and eventually found one we loved!! I still had regular apps with my doctor n next was trazadone too help me sleep!! I couldn't believe what was going on, I checked forums etc n ppl were going thru the same thing but I just couldn't bring myself too get back too work!! My work were understanding at the beginning, but it started to get bad!! We moved into the house but I could tell she needed a break, I told her every night how much I loved her n I'd get thru it for us!! I could tell she missed the old me n do did I, it broke my heart!! Well 2 weeks later I lost my job, she had enough and sent me to my dads too get "better".I couldn't believe it!! Back too the docs n it was no 7 months since I quit, the doc said I must have had underlying anxiety n to try with the meds!! He tried citalopram!! At this point we were still in regular contact and seeing each other.She just wanted the old me back!! She never let me go home tho and wanted me too focus on getting sorted!! But being away from her, just lost my job was killing me!! 2 weeks later she broke up with me saying she couldn't take it any longer!! I was devastated, homeless, jobless, lost her, id gave my home up to be with her and my identity!! Her father started giving me work from November-December and I started too feel a million times better over Xmas n we started seeing each other alot more thru December n she could see the difference!! We talked about getting back together but she was scared about it going to go back too how it was before which I can understand but I told her it was because I was in a bad place but I feel 100x better!! She said she still loved me on New Year's Eve but I need a full time job again n ill only get back once i did!! until then I was still away!! After new year she started acting different and became a bit more distant, I knew something was up!! She just swerved it but I knew!! 6 weeks past and she was going out all the time while I was trying too get my life back in order 2 get my life back!! Fast forward too march, we hadn't seen her much n she told me she was pregnant, to another guy!! It broke me seriously, I couldn't believe it!! All this **** for nothing, 3 weeks later she's engaged too this guy!! So now I'm still anxious, depressed and can't deal with life anymore!! All this pain for nothing, I struggle too get out bed every day!! Iv got an appointment with the mental health centre again on the 15th of may and I'm going too try get an admission too the hospital!! I can't bare life anymore, iv lost everything I worked hard for!! Keep taking panic attacks and I'm turning totally agrophobic, I don't even know who I am anymore!! Has anyone had experiences with hospitals?? Or anything like this?? I'm only 26 n I'm ashamed at what iv become!! Constant headaches, constant severe depression, panic attacks, mind running 24/7 about what I could have done etc etc!! Iv lost hope!! I smoked for 9 years and had no adverse affects except when I stopped!! Sorry for the long post but I just needed too vent and for some help/advice!! Thanks, chris!!
thysecret Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I really do feel your pain while reading this. You're a nice guy and willing to move mountains for her but she was DUMB not to realise this. A person that loves you will stick with you on bad times, not leave you. So think again, do you really want to have such a wife. will She will be the one who would hold your hand and walk with you for the rest of your life? I believe you do deserve someone better. Keep it up on quitting smoking as it's really harmful. It's painful now, but in years to come, maybe you're a successful man with a beautiful woman who cares & treasure you, and beautiful kids. Keep working towards it.
Author Chris2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Thanks for the reply mate.Its just so hard, she had a life to go back too, has the home we moved into.I have nothing left, it took me 4 years to get my home and too get where i was in life regarding my job.I was full time with the local council and had a pension etc and its all gone within 10 months of meeting her.Its soul destroying, i just need to get away for a while so the hospital is definitly appealing to me.I really hope times a healer because even though its been 6 months, i feel worse as everything i starting to sink in, while shes making plans for marriage with this guy and planning her family.Iv made mistakes in life but she is definitely at the top of it, and thats what kills me the most.I dont even know who i am anymore, its crushed me.
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 You smoked pot for 9 years straight. The biggest withdrawl symptom from pot is paranoia and anxiety. This is normal especially for a habitual user such as yourself. You need to get clean. Peroid. And if she couldn't weather the storm with you, then she wasn't the girl for you. As much as you're not going to agree with me, but you dodged a big bullet my friend. She is going to be stuck with this guy she barely knows for, at the very least, 18 years. Her life just got turned upside down, while you just got a new lease on life. Trust me, you did. Take care of yourself. Get better. Once you get your life stabilized, start making positive changes to your life. Get a job, go back to school, get a new place, use the money that you would have normally spent on pot and save for things that you would like. Concert tickets, the latest technology on the market, trips around the world. Whatever. Turn this negative into a positive. AND STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS!!! I mean, what good ever comes from it. You lost your girl, house, job, money...all of it trying to get over an addiction. Not worth it. 1
Author Chris2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 I know mate.Its just a kick in the teeth.Deep down i know its sad but i really hope it goes balls up for her. I know paranioa and anxiety is the main withdrawals but I gave up over a year ago now, i stupidly smoked once when she broke up with me and i thought i was losing my ****ing mind lol never again. I really hope it does get better mate cos i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. Cheers for the reply
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I know mate.Its just a kick in the teeth.Deep down i know its sad but i really hope it goes balls up for her. I know paranioa and anxiety is the main withdrawals but I gave up over a year ago now, i stupidly smoked once when she broke up with me and i thought i was losing my ****ing mind lol never again. I really hope it does get better mate cos i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. Cheers for the reply Dude, you hit rock bottom. Can't really get much lower. But, once you realize that, then you'll also realize that there's only one direction to go and that's up! It will get better BUT there's only one thing. YOU have to make it better because no one is going to do it for you. You have to find your motivation to get your revenge. And the best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life! Prove that she was wrong about you and that if she would have stuck around, she could have benefited from the new you. oh well...HER LOSS!!!! Stay clean and get a job, or if you can't get a job then go to Uni, THEN get an even better paying job. Save for the nice things in life. Go traveling! Come visit the states! Go to Southern California and see all the girls with tight bodies and fake boobs! Or Florida, or New York or the best city in the states, Chicago! Or backpack through Spain, or go to France. Bet you'll have better memories of those places and any other time you remembered getting high. You just have to do it! Prove her wrong and get your revenge! 1
Author Chris2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Cheers mate ill get there. appreciated
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