I am lost when it comes to Women

[Silver93]

I find myself kind of lost when it comes to women.

 

I am a 20 year old male and I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl

I have tried for years to make an impression on girls I have liked but nothing has worked.

I would consider myself to be quite good looking and I like to keep fit.

I think a woman should be treated with utmost respect and she should be put before me. I would love to have a girlfriend to talk too and spend time with and just have a girl that I could make feel a million dollars.

I also think every guy should be chivalrous towards women.

 

I would be kinda quiet and shy until I get to know a girl so that might be a reason as to why I have struggled in the past.

 

I know you guys probably won't have much advice for me but it helps to get it off my chest anyway.

 

Thanks for reading.

[TheNewMe2014]

First, relax - 20 is not old and you have plenty of time for a meaningful relationship. To give you some inspiration, I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 23, thought I desperately wanted one.

 

Unlike you, I didn't think I was terribly attractive and wasn't fit.

 

So, you are already ahead of me and that attitude of your self image will go along way.

 

What changed for me? Mostly graduating college, feeling successful and being around group of people who I was comfortable with and I wasn't so much in my 'shell'.

 

I did learn some valuable lessons - primarily in my desperate attempt to have a meaningful relationship, I may have 'wanted' it too much and got involved in some relationships that I probably shouldn't have. So be patient and don't take your first so seriously.

 

Now, what is your problem? Probably first of all you are introverted. You need to show someone your great personality and that means being in social/professional situations where you are confident and more outgoing.

 

Secondly, treating woman with respect is an important aspect of a good relationship. But don't put them on a pedestal. Make them your equal. Prior to a relationship you sorta look weak doing that and you come off as not confident - confidence is an important attractiveness asset (confidence is what really changed for me). Second, if you are in a relationship and you put them on a pedestal - they may take advantage or tire. Not on purpose.

 

Treating them well and putting them on a pedestal are two different things. You can me mr. confident jock/witty guy and still open doors and buy them dinner and listen to them. But putting them on a pedestal means you don't express yourself or your differences and capitulate to everything they want.

 

So two take aways: be confident and treat them as special, but don't worship/put them on a pedestal.

 

Honestly, when I gained confidence is when things changed for me. I think (and like to to think) women believe I'm a very nice guy and treat them well - but I also no who I am.

[Silver93]

First, relax - 20 is not old and you have plenty of time for a meaningful relationship. To give you some inspiration, I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 23, thought I desperately wanted one.

 

Unlike you, I didn't think I was terribly attractive and wasn't fit.

 

So, you are already ahead of me and that attitude of your self image will go along way.

 

What changed for me? Mostly graduating college, feeling successful and being around group of people who I was comfortable with and I wasn't so much in my 'shell'.

 

I did learn some valuable lessons - primarily in my desperate attempt to have a meaningful relationship, I may have 'wanted' it too much and got involved in some relationships that I probably shouldn't have. So be patient and don't take your first so seriously.

 

Now, what is your problem? Probably first of all you are introverted. You need to show someone your great personality and that means being in social/professional situations where you are confident and more outgoing.

 

Secondly, treating woman with respect is an important aspect of a good relationship. But don't put them on a pedestal. Make them your equal. Prior to a relationship you sorta look weak doing that and you come off as not confident - confidence is an important attractiveness asset (confidence is what really changed for me). Second, if you are in a relationship and you put them on a pedestal - they may take advantage or tire. Not on purpose.

 

Treating them well and putting them on a pedestal are two different things. You can me mr. confident jock/witty guy and still open doors and buy them dinner and listen to them. But putting them on a pedestal means you don't express yourself or your differences and capitulate to everything they want.

 

So two take aways: be confident and treat them as special, but don't worship/put them on a pedestal.

 

Honestly, when I gained confidence is when things changed for me. I think (and like to to think) women believe I'm a very nice guy and treat them well - but I also no who I am.

 

Awesome response, thanks

[crederer]

Sounds like you put women on a pedestal. Despite what movies and other women might tell you, this doesn't work.

 

Just be yourself. You don't need to put a woman first you need to put yourself first. You may seem like a pushover if you don't, and that is not exactly an attractive trait.

 

Not saying that you need to be mean or anything but the whole white knight routine doesn't work in real life.

 

And you're still young man it's not like you should be embarrassed of your situation.

[sagetalk]

I have tried for years to make an impression on girls I have liked but nothing has worked.

 

Here is your first problem. Instead of looking for girls you like, which isn't working, why don't you look for girls who like you. You would be amazed at how many girls have liked you but you were too busy staring at the blond cheerleader with 10 guys around her. Read body language signs articles and look for girls who give you these signals. It makes life much easier.

 

They may not be the hot girl that ever guy wants, but average girls are just as awesome. Especially if they like you and give flirty hints that they do.

[pteromom]

I am a 20 year old male and I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl

 

This is NOT unusual.

 

I have tried for years to make an impression on girls I have liked but nothing has worked.

 

Also not unusual.

 

I would consider myself to be quite good looking and I like to keep fit.

 

Good! These things will help you get your foot in the door.

 

I think a woman should be treated with utmost respect and she should be put before me. I would love to have a girlfriend to talk too and spend time with and just have a girl that I could make feel a million dollars.

I also think every guy should be chivalrous towards women.

 

This sounds wonderful - except for a woman being put BEFORE you. You should go in with a goal of mutual respect. Her accepting you for who you are and vice versa. Being kind and loving, but understanding she is human and therefore flawed. Chivalry is great though.

 

I would be kinda quiet and shy until I get to know a girl so that might be a reason as to why I have struggled in the past.

 

Yes - that's the problem. ESPECIALLY if you are good looking and fit. You have to realize that most young women are insecure and scared of rejection, just like you. Even if a group of girls are loud and giggly and extroverted, inside most of them are worrying whether they look fat, or comparing themselves to other beautiful girls around them.

 

If you want to make a connection, YOU have to be the one to make it.

 

Being shy and quiet, you probably want to try hanging out at places where there is something to do besides just sitting and trying to make conversation with people - billiards, darts, bowling, dancing, amusement parks, sports parks, dog parks, skate parks, book stores, etc. etc. etc.

 

Then it is just a matter of smiling at a girl you find attractive. If she smiles back, GO TALK TO HER. Invite her to do whatever it is you are doing, or ask her a question about... anything! The place you are, the town you are in, the weather, etc. If she's intrigued, she'll respond.

 

Focus on being relaxed and happy looking. Smile, look at her when you talk, listen to what she says, respond.

 

It's that easy. If there's a connection, ask for her number! Talk to her by text/phone a few times, then if there's still a connection, ask her out.

 

Also, realize that rejection isn't about you necessarily... she could have a boyfriend, be coming off a bad break, be gay, be holding out for a certain guy, etc. etc... if you never make it about YOU in your head, you'll be much more successful.

[ChooseTruth]

Yup, if you are being you, treating women as just another friend and they STILL blow you off...they aren't worth your time. I had to learn that.

 

Those are probably the two biggest lessons (I'm an introvert too btw)

1) Don't sweat rejection, you don't want those women anyway, seriously.

2) BE YOURSELF - cheesy but so true.

 

I'll add a couple more based off when I noticed I had the most success. It was always when I wasn't expecting anything to happen...so

3) no pressure or neediness

and

4) have good NATURAL energy.

For me I tended to come out of my shell when dancing at a club. I'm a music freak(musician) so music just makes me break my introvert boundaries like nothing else.

#4 is really the same thing as confidence, except I'm adding the energy aspect. You ever seen girls go gaga over some guy that all the other guys thought was a silly pansy? It happens. The point is, be whoever YOU are naturally and show your awesome energy where ever it comes out best. I see on women's dating profiles all the time that they want a man who has a passion for something and goes for it. Maybe that has to do with $$ some, but it's also a personality thing they find sexy.

[pteromom]

The point is, be whoever YOU are naturally and show your awesome energy where ever it comes out best.

 

This is SO true. And it doesn't matter if who you are isn't the type who is popular with women. There may be 50 women flocking around some extroverted flirty jock guy, but those are women who are attracted to extroverted flirty jock guys, therefore NOT who you want.

 

You want a woman who is attracted to YOU. And if that means that you are in a room of 200 people, and only ONE woman there would be attracted to you, you have to be YOU so she sees you.

 

And when you see her see you, you have to be willing to make the move.

[Silver93]

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it. I would say I probably put girls on a pedestal in my head but when I am talking to them and interact with them I com across as being friendly, possibly shy but not a pushover.

[crederer]

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it. I would say I probably put girls on a pedestal in my head but when I am talking to them and interact with them I com across as being friendly, possibly shy but not a pushover.

 

That's cool and all man. At the very end of the day you have to be yourself. That being said confidence is one of the most underrated traits a guy can have in order to attract a female. Being shy doesn't necessary exude confidence but if that's the way you are naturally, you'll find the right lady sooner or later.

[Silver93]

I am quite frustrated and confused by my problem with women over the last number of years and I am sick of being bad at this stuff.

[Omei]

Two of my ex's didn't have or kiss a girl and they were both 20 at the time before they met me now they're 24 or over I dont even remember but I know one of them is two years in with his 2nd gf.

 

My point is I dont think not having a serious relationship at your age yet is unatural I would be surprised if 4 more years went by and you had not.

[Assasda]

I tell you, Its better to be a complete Selfish Jerk, than to put women on a pedestal, because at least the women will respect you more for loving yourself.

 

NEVER put them on a pedestal.

I agree with everything that Choosethetruth said

 

Basically, just approach girls, (which is the hardest), try to get to know them, and if you get rejected dont take it personally

[jmarc55]

Hey man, I stumble upon this website by pure luck because I am making videos answering questions for subscribers to my blog (which is not related to dating what so ever) and saw your post.

I actually understand how you feel because i was like that when I was younger. I was a virgin until 19 years old and was completely horrible with girls until 22.

 

That is when everything clicked in my head... well actually, no that when I started to respect myself. You say that women should be treated with the utmost respect,

 

I tell you no, they should be treated the same way they treat you. If a girl is being respectful and fun with you, be respectful and fun, if she's being playful and teasing you, be playful and tease her. if she's being a cold bitch, put her back in her place.

 

You are not there to put them on a pedestal and if you do, they will be stepping on you your whole life my friend.

 

I'm 27, and you may believe me, or you may not. But I have slept with extremely gergous women, yes i am good looking, but I'm no brad pitt.... nor do they care... I have a personality.

 

NEVER compromise your personality for a women. Quite honestly my friend, I can be a stone cold ass hole, not because i enjoy it, no because i stand by what i believe. I'm honest, i tell it the way it is, i don't sugar coat stories to make them feel better.

 

Be that guy that tell the truth, that tells them what other guys are too scared to tell them. You say you think women deserve respect, then give her the respect to give her the truth and be YOURSELF, don't lie and give them everything THEY want because thats not what you want!

 

Take what is yours and they will respect you for it. Once they respect you, make they laugh, make them feel special. They will appreciate more the moment where you are nice because they are genuine.

 

I could go on for hours on the things I have learnt in the last 5 years.

 

I couldn't sleep with a girl that looked like a guy when i was 21 ... now at 27 i'm sleeping with girls i could only dream about when I was younger.

 

How did I make this happen, by respecting myself so much that I will not let anyone, not even the hottest women in the world, tell me how to act or what I should tell them.

Don't get me wrong, I have a girlfriend right now, and I treat her with the up most respect, i am honest, loyal, caring, but I put her back in her place when she starts acting like a princess....

 

Finishing sentence-

 

It's not about giving them what they want..... its about giving them what they need.

 

Hope this helped, I really stumbled across this randomly and saw my younger self in you and thought i could help.

Good Luck man, grow a personality, grow a pair of balls, and stan by what you believe, women will come flying, trust me they love confidence.

Edited April 30, 2014 by jmarc55

[Silver93]

Hey man, I stumble upon this website by pure luck because I am making videos answering questions for subscribers to my blog (which is not related to dating what so ever) and saw your post.

I actually understand how you feel because i was like that when I was younger. I was a virgin until 19 years old and was completely horrible with girls until 22.

 

That is when everything clicked in my head... well actually, no that when I started to respect myself. You say that women should be treated with the utmost respect,

 

I tell you no, they should be treated the same way they treat you. If a girl is being respectful and fun with you, be respectful and fun, if she's being playful and teasing you, be playful and tease her. if she's being a cold bitch, put her back in her place.

 

You are not there to put them on a pedestal and if you do, they will be stepping on you your whole life my friend.

 

I'm 27, and you may believe me, or you may not. But I have slept with extremely gergous women, yes i am good looking, but I'm no brad pitt.... nor do they care... I have a personality.

 

NEVER compromise your personality for a women. Quite honestly my friend, I can be a stone cold ass hole, not because i enjoy it, no because i stand by what i believe. I'm honest, i tell it the way it is, i don't sugar coat stories to make them feel better.

 

Be that guy that tell the truth, that tells them what other guys are too scared to tell them. You say you think women deserve respect, then give her the respect to give her the truth and be YOURSELF, don't lie and give them everything THEY want because thats not what you want!

 

Take what is yours and they will respect you for it. Once they respect you, make they laugh, make them feel special. They will appreciate more the moment where you are nice because they are genuine.

 

I could go on for hours on the things I have learnt in the last 5 years.

 

I couldn't sleep with a girl that looked like a guy when i was 21 ... now at 27 i'm sleeping with girls i could only dream about when I was younger.

 

How did I make this happen, by respecting myself so much that I will not let anyone, not even the hottest women in the world, tell me how to act or what I should tell them.

Don't get me wrong, I have a girlfriend right now, and I treat her with the up most respect, i am honest, loyal, caring, but I put her back in her place when she starts acting like a princess....

 

Finishing sentence-

 

It's not about giving them what they want..... its about giving them what they need.

 

Hope this helped, I really stumbled across this randomly and saw my younger self in you and thought i could help.

Good Luck man, grow a personality, grow a pair of balls, and stan by what you believe, women will come flying, trust me they love confidence.

 

Brilliant response. Thanks for the advice.

[HopefulHeart23]

I find myself kind of lost when it comes to women.

 

I am a 20 year old male and I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl

I have tried for years to make an impression on girls I have liked but nothing has worked.

I would consider myself to be quite good looking and I like to keep fit.

I think a woman should be treated with utmost respect and she should be put before me. I would love to have a girlfriend to talk too and spend time with and just have a girl that I could make feel a million dollars.

I also think every guy should be chivalrous towards women.

 

I would be kinda quiet and shy until I get to know a girl so that might be a reason as to why I have struggled in the past.

 

I know you guys probably won't have much advice for me but it helps to get it off my chest anyway.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

First thing first, woman go for confidence so even if your not that experienced don't worry about it just act confident, kinda like fake it till, you make it. You seem like a good guy so that's a good start. You just need to get yourself out there more, so that you can meet girls. Try online dating since your shy, this will bring you out of your shell more and you will meet different types of woman, which will help you determine, what types of woman your best suited to. Don't worry dating gets easier just talk to as many people as you can without expecting anything. Put all your expectations at the door. You just need to experience like go on dates, talk on the phone, text etc

 

 

I myself am a 21 year old female and I also don't have much dating experience. I have dated before but it was only one guy and I never been in a serious relationship so I was very shy up to this year when it came to talking to guys but , I started off slowly by getting comfortable talking to them through texting then I spoke to them on the phone and now I want to start going on dates. so it does get alot better so just put yourself out there and just go for it. Good luck!

[Silver93]

First thing first, woman go for confidence so even if your not that experienced don't worry about it just act confident, kinda like fake it till, you make it. You seem like a good guy so that's a good start. You just need to get yourself out there more, so that you can meet girls. Try online dating since your shy, this will bring you out of your shell more and you will meet different types of woman, which will help you determine, what types of woman your best suited to. Don't worry dating gets easier just talk to as many people as you can without expecting anything. Put all your expectations at the door. You just need to experience like go on dates, talk on the phone, text etc

 

 

I myself am a 21 year old female and I also don't have much dating experience. I have dated before but it was only one guy and I never been in a serious relationship so I was very shy up to this year when it came to talking to guys but , I started off slowly by getting comfortable talking to them through texting then I spoke to them on the phone and now I want to start going on dates. so it does get alot better so just put yourself out there and just go for it. Good luck!

 

Good advice. Thanks

[L1ght]

- Take women off the pedestal.

- Become more confident.

- Have an interesting life.

- Be funny and witty.

- Have some money.

- Stop making "getting women" the centre of your life

Agreed. Attracting women/(getting laid) is the easy part I think especially if a guy is confident, funny, witty....etc.

If a guy wants a relationship though he'd better make sure he has financial stability before he even considers it otherwise it will put too much strain on the relationship, doubt will creep into her mind and she will pack her bags and be off to someone else who has got his sh*t together.....its just the way things are and the older we get the more it really does become about money and stability.

[L1ght]

Women are not cryptic beings. Popular culture, music and movies sends the wrong message to guys when it comes to women but I guess its just a product of female empowerment over the last 30 years or so. When a guy starts understanding a womans needs/desires/motivations and generally why they behave the way they do it puts everything into perspective. Women are only unobtainable to losers. All a guy has to do is get off his ass and achieve things in life then women will without a doubt take notice and become more interested. Sounds simple. It is.

Edited April 30, 2014 by L1ght

[preraph]

I'm not trying to be rude here, but I would just ask whether you are sure you are good looking. The reason I ask is a lot of men think (probably because men mostly prioritize women's bodies) that as long as they have a decent body, the rest shouldn't matter -- but it does. Women are more into faces, hair and grooming and style and not many are that picky about bodies as long as they're age-appropriate, which for your age would be not fat and have some tone.

 

The reason I wondered about if you were really objective about it (but bravo for your confidence there) is because usually no matter how shy or aloof a guy is, if he is really good looking, there are plenty of brave women who will go right up to him and break the silence. But if you're just average, maybe they figure why bother or just aren't motivated enough.

 

But anyway, the other posters are right. You are only 20. It takes people different amounts of time to come into themselves. You're probably changing rapidly at your age mentally, assuming you are not still living with your parents.

 

As far as looks go, why not use what you have and up the ante: Go to a department store like a Macy's or Dillard's, H&M, go to the men's department and tell them you'd like to have someone work with you to choose a good outfit. Let them know if you want to be casual, a bit dressy, sporty, hipster, whatever, and they will get you dressed right.

 

Then go to a good hairdresser. Don't cut your hair too short. Honestly it just can ruin a guy's looks if they have super short hair. Tell them what kind of person you are like above with the wardrobe, and let them do what they think will look really good on your face.

 

Now you're stylin'. So if your looks were an asset already, they were even more so now. Take yourself out and just make yourself smile to the room in general every now and then to show you're approachable (not just to one person who you're staring at because that's creepy) and just see who starts coming nearer to where you are standing or sitting and pay attention to those women, not the one you spotted that every other guy is looking at who isn't paying attention.

[Silver93]

I'm not trying to be rude here, but I would just ask whether you are sure you are good looking. The reason I ask is a lot of men think (probably because men mostly prioritize women's bodies) that as long as they have a decent body, the rest shouldn't matter -- but it does. Women are more into faces, hair and grooming and style and not many are that picky about bodies as long as they're age-appropriate, which for your age would be not fat and have some tone.

 

The reason I wondered about if you were really objective about it (but bravo for your confidence there) is because usually no matter how shy or aloof a guy is, if he is really good looking, there are plenty of brave women who will go right up to him and break the silence. But if you're just average, maybe they figure why bother or just aren't motivated enough.

 

But anyway, the other posters are right. You are only 20. It takes people different amounts of time to come into themselves. You're probably changing rapidly at your age mentally, assuming you are not still living with your parents.

 

As far as looks go, why not use what you have and up the ante: Go to a department store like a Macy's or Dillard's, H&M, go to the men's department and tell them you'd like to have someone work with you to choose a good outfit. Let them know if you want to be casual, a bit dressy, sporty, hipster, whatever, and they will get you dressed right.

 

Then go to a good hairdresser. Don't cut your hair too short. Honestly it just can ruin a guy's looks if they have super short hair. Tell them what kind of person you are like above with the wardrobe, and let them do what they think will look really good on your face.

 

Now you're stylin'. So if your looks were an asset already, they were even more so now. Take yourself out and just make yourself smile to the room in general every now and then to show you're approachable (not just to one person who you're staring at because that's creepy) and just see who starts coming nearer to where you are standing or sitting and pay attention to those women, not the one you spotted that every other guy is looking at who isn't paying attention.

Thanks for the reply. I am told that I am handsome but usually by my Mum's friends etc I am not overly attractive but I am happy with my looks.

 

I have recently changed my hairstyle which I am happy with (it's kinda of a quiff look) I try my best to always dress well when out so overall in that department I am content.

 

My problem would be my shyness and nerves when it comes to women but I do find myself getting better with practice.

[topaMAXX]

OP, this is the wrong forum to get information on how to attract women.

 

And, for the love of God, stop taking advice from women on how to attract them. They don't know.

 

I suggest searching out PUA forums and approaching women constantly. Some advice will be good, some will be bad, but all will be better than most of the responses in this thread.

[learning_slowly]

I have to agree with topaMAXX.

 

I am ashamed to say the phrase treat em mean, keep em keen has been true in my experience.

 

But that is dependent on the personality and confidence you possess.

 

Love is not an easy road to travel. But don't always be available. Make sure you still put your mates at an equal importance until you're married or very close.

 

Show them you appreciate them but not so much that they don't have to show you they appreciate you.

 

And if any woman disagrees, truthfully tell me, once in a while you don't reminisce about the bad boy you were once with.

Edited May 1, 2014 by learning_slowly