SS.SinkingShip Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 So my girlfriend and I just broke up about 5 days ago. Since then I have been trying to make sense of it all while my head is spinning. A little background information. We have been dating for over 4 years. The first 3 years were perfect. We never fought and when we did it wasn't very big or over much. About a year ago it seemed like both of us just stopped trying in the relationship after her family moved away which made everything pretty boring and dull. About 7 months ago I sat her down and explained that I saw that both of us weren't happy anymore and that I thought that we needed a break. I know I completely shattered her world and it sucked because I love her with all of my heart. I was truly trying to fix us with a break. A few days later she gives me a hand written letter that completely makes me do a 180. This letter said how she was willing to try forever for us. I fell in love with her all over again. So 7 months passed up until 5 days ago and things steadily got to where she felt like she couldn't try anymore. I attribute it to a lot of stress in her life at the moment. I see that she is at a turning point in her life with a new career and she really doesn't know where she wants to be in life. I pressed her too much and made her break. She ended up telling me that she needs time and space to figure herself out and to be happy because she isn't happy right now. She said she still loves me but she knows it isn't fair if one person is in and one is out. My world was broken. I still cant figure out how someone could go from feelings of foreverness to feelings of never being able to work out. I did the worst thing and broke down trying to figure out why she felt the way she does. She wasn't giving me much to work off of so I talked to her mom and one of her close friends to try to get a perspective on things and she fired back and blew up threatening to block my number. That was last night but this morning I woke up to this. "I'm sorry that i was mean last night but I was so frustrated. I'm not totally over you or our relationship, but its not fair to either of us to stay in something if I'm only partially there. I felt really trapped when you were asking everyone around me why we broke up even though you needed to know. All I needed was a few more days of silence and I would have been way more willing to talk. I just wanted to tell you that and I hope you're ok and that in time this will get better" "I don't expect a response or anything, I just feel bad now that I've slept and re thought all of it. you still mean so much to me but its not fair if I'm not in it. We had a great relationship for a long time but some things aren't meant for forever. I'm sorry for hurting you but I love you enough to walk away before I hurt you any more." For the longest time I know she wanted a future with me. Marriage and everything but I didn't give her much to work off of. about 3 weeks ago I did mention to her that I would be willing to move in with her when she was ready. I am not sure if that was the tipping point and what scared her enough to act or if it was something else. I am planning on doing no contact to see if anything can be reconciled out of this. I very much believe her to be the one for me and I feel that she is just in a crazy time in her life and is having a hard time seeing past some of our differences. I have a text ready to send her because I want to end for now on a good note. I want to basically say that i understand what she is going though in life right now and all I've ever wanted to do is be there for her through thick and thin. I was also going to tell her if the time ever comes that she finds out what our irreconcilable differences were that she could discuss them with me but that I will be moving on. I know she loves me and I know deep seeded feelings don't just disappear. I know she just doesn't know right now why she fell out of love with me. I want to do NC to better myself and become a better person for myself. I was just looking for some advise as you guys see the situation and where you think I should go from here. Thanks.
ahthepain Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 My gf of three years kissed me goodnight said she loves me with all her heart then the next morning ended it for ever and said she has zero feelings for me. I'm sure this is not the response others will give you but I say Go get her!!!!! She is unsure but she still loves you. If you don't act now and lose her forever you will surely regret it. I'd do a romantic gesture. I tried and failed but it doesn't matter because I know I gave it my all. If you love her you will fight for her.
Mr.Pine Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I'm sure this is not the response others will give you but I say Go get her!!!!! She is unsure but she still loves you. If you don't act now and lose her forever you will surely regret it. I'd do a romantic gesture. I tried and failed but it doesn't matter because I know I gave it my all. If you love her you will fight for her. Oh, boy. Please tell me this is a late April Fool's joke, because this has to be the single worst advice I have ever heard for any occasion, anywhere. Ahthehumanity of it all. Ship Sinker, don't let your ship sink any further and pretend that pain dude never placed fingers to keyboard. Do not, under any circumstances, contact her, email her, text or or reach her. She already told you that she just needed a few more days to reach an epiphany, and you screwed the pooch by harassing and haranguing her friends for an answer to your breakup. Stop the madness and quit the insanity. Go NC and forget her. She's already long into the process of forgetting you. You gotta let this one go. 4
Mr.Pine Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 My gf of three years kissed me goodnight said she loves me with all her heart then the next morning ended it for ever and said she has zero feelings for me. I don't even know you and I, too, have zero feelings for you. Every response to anyone's post begins with your 1 long run-on-sentence of insipidness. Stop. Seriously. Just...stop. It's not always about you. Stop. 2
Author SS.SinkingShip Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Little bit of an update. I read the greener on the other side syndrome thread and wow... That reflects exactly what she was acting like. She has even admitted that she feels like she is having a quarter life crisis. I did end up contacting her, I know we both Iove and care for each other a lot and that I needed to end on a good note. I know she is confused and afraid about her future and very stressed. I said that I realized I handled the situation wrong. I told her that I knew exactly what she was going through, the confusion, anxiety, excitement about the future. (because I went through a mini quarter life crisis myself when I first met her). I know I portrayed that I really am the one that knows her the most and really gets her. I told her if the time comes that she figures out what the irreconcilable differences were between us that I would discuss it with her (I really feel that there wasn't anything that was very hard to work on, especially since she was willing to work on things forever not too long ago) so I think that once she figures her life out a lot of the problems she saw won't be issues. I also told her we all have to make and learn from our decisions and mistakes and that I would be moving on. Then that was it. She texted me back that she will be moving on too and she hopes one day we can get past everything and be friends. I didn't text back and started NC. I feel good, I feel strong. I am looking forward to a better version of myself. Do you guys think I did alright here? That last little convo with her set me up as someone that knows what she is going through that won't be there for her. Plus I feel good now. Way better than yesterday.
David87 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 It's good that you decided to start NC. Make sure that you'll stick with it and ignore her attempts to contact you. Remember, NC is a long and hard journey but it's the only way to make peace with your past and rediscover the old you. 1
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I hope you realize that NC also includes blocking her on your Facebook and unfollowing her on all social media. You need to do this now! 1
Author SS.SinkingShip Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 I hope you realize that NC also includes blocking her on your Facebook and unfollowing her on all social media. Yes, I realize that. She actually took this opportunity to delete her facebook like she has been talking about for a long time. I also unfollowed her on instagram. Those are the only two I use. I also deleted all pictures and contact info from my phone. I woke up this morning feeling really crappy so I decided to do some guided meditation for about 35 minutes and it really helped.
Author SS.SinkingShip Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 At one point I knew she thought I was the one and I really feel like she is the one for me. I know she is really confused with her life right now and is super stressed. There was no real reason for the break besides her saying she wasn't in love with me anymore but she still loves me. I am trying to heal but I know at the same time if she realizes she made a mistake I would want to work things out with her. I really feel like she is my soul mate and we just drifted apart over the years (She misses the fire we used to have but once the initial phase of new love was gone she didnt know what to do). I am still planning on doing NC to let her figure things out and to allow myself to heal my question is do I go straight NC until she contacts me no matter how long that takes? What if she contacts me and it is my chance to really work through things and I ignore it and she moves on?
Recommended Posts