swimmingbird Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I know I am, and that you will tell me so, it won't hurt me. I had a fling with my best friend's girlfriend. Even if I fell in love with her and I tried to stop it so many times I know there are no excuses for my behaviour. I was selfish and inmature. A completely *******. Now my question is: How do you cope with yourself after doing such a bad thing? I lost everybody and ended up heartbroken, which of course I deserved, but I don't care about suffering, I just would like to hear some things that can help me to be a better person so I can make other people's lives better and not destroy them by worrying only about me. Thank you so much. I tortured myself enough and I need to get out of this.
Grumpybutfun Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 OP, I think you are being a little hard on yourself. You did a questionable and morally corrupt thing but that doesn't make you a terrible, horrible person. If you were a horrible person you wouldn't feel any kind of guilt, only euphoria over the conquest of your friends gf and your ability to fool others for so long. Being a good person requires several things in this type of situation...make apologies and mean them and go NC with this girl. In the future, think ahead to the consequences no matter how good something feels or the instant gratification involved. Impulse control is something you learn how to control as you grow up and it comes with being a good man, you just don't act on things that you know will harm your spirit or the people you claim to care about in your life. Do whatever you need to to repair the relationship with your friend as he is the victim in all of this. Then decide in your heart to become the man you know you can be...the one who doesn't need to get his worth and validation through a faux set of feelings as you experienced with your bfs gf. This wasn't real feelings, just limerence mixed with excitement of doing something naughty. Time to grow up and face the music and work on becoming a better person. Forgive yourself, Grumps 2
roger136913 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Swimmingbird If you can find the answer please pass it on. For 18 years I have trying to coping with it, mine is guilt, shame, remorse, regret. I found out it's harder for me as I had strict Morals and convictions and an Affair took that all away. It's funny (no pun) how a mistake can turn a life upside down that took years to build only to have it shattered for a selfish act.
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Therapy might help. Religion will definitely help. There's a reason most religions have some rite for forgiveness. God doesn't expect people to be perfect. People screw up all the time. If you are sincerely sorry & can learn from your mistakes, then you are not a truly horrible person. First you have to forgive yourself. Then you can start to atone for your mistakes. Depending on how long it's been your former buddy may be ready to hear you, especially if he's no longer with that girl. 1
shinealight Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 You are not selfish or immature. You cannot help how you feel when you like someone. What I would do is stay away from them for a while and just concentrate on your'e life. Stop beating yourself down about it and like someone else said on here maybe try counselling see if that might help. Things just happen. Trust me I have been there.
learning_slowly Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 We're all human and we all make mistakes. I have hurt people that mattered most to me. So what am I going to do: cry & live a wasted life? NO! I'll learn and I"ll change to become somebody I'm proud to be. Maybe you could do the same?
No Limit Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 You've betrayed yourself. Just don't be dependand on how those you betrayed look at you, 'cause you're dead to them. And don't turn to excessive drinking either.
L1ght Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Good lad. You have made a mistake and you are not willing to lie about it to yourself. Make sure you admit it to everybody concerned, apologise where it is necessary then seriously dude! Get your head out of your ass and stop being so hard on your self. You know what the best thing you can do now is? Move on and start living your life again even if certain people don't want you too. Live again and learn from your mistakes. That's all you do buddy. The people who care about you will see that you are a real man who can take it on the chin and be a better person. Good luck.
Speakingofwhich Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Say a prayer in your heart asking forgiveness from God and telling Him what you wrote in your post and that you want His help. You'll be amazed at the ways He'll help you and bring you peace.
L1ght Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Say a prayer in your heart asking forgiveness from God and telling Him what you wrote in your post and that you want His help. You'll be amazed at the ways He'll help you and bring you peace. Look at you preying on the weak and trying to indoctrinate them into a massive cult. Lol I say this slightly in jest of course. Not everyone believes in God and there are many ways to deal with the things we have to deal with here on planet earth without giving our burdens to the imaginary bearded man in the sky. Maybe a little bit of self reflection(which he is already doing) and positivity will do the trick instead? I'm just saying.
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