elseaacych Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I've been on the dating market for a few months, and I've been on lots of dates that, while that all were really nice people, we just didn't hit it off in that way. I thanked them for a wonderful time, and went on my merry way. No follow up texts from either party indicating that either party was interested in going on another date. One guy was persistent. He asked me out on two further dates, I told him no, twice. I got a voicemail from him about a week later that he was going away for awhile and just wanted to let me know, and I ignored it. (I didn't know how to respond.) Finally, three weeks later, a "Hey, how are you doing," text. Then, shortly thereafter, "I don't know what I did to make you mad. Please give me closure." So I responded that I was sorry I hadn't told him earlier, but I just wasn't interested. It made me feel like s*-t that he had to ask. The other guys, after dates where neither party followed up wanting to go on another date, just either vanished, or we talked as friends for awhile, and kinda faded off into the sunset. I don't know. What could I do better here? Out of all the people I've dealt with. After a couple of "nos", you'd think they'd get the hint? I mean, even when I was the one rejected by one of the guys I did a follow up: "I'd like to go out with you on x," and told me flat out "No." and didn't make an attempt to make further plans, I got the hint. I feel like he didn't give me much to work with communication wise, (vague texts and a voice mail), but how do I know what to do to tactfully say "no?"
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 If u dont feel comfortable saying no which is hard as no one likes to hurt anyones feelings then u could say that u are sorry but on reflection now is not a good time for u to be getting involved with anyone and u had a really nice time and wish them well. I do believe anything is better than nothing its just a shame its so hard! x
Author elseaacych Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I don't know: I felt like: "I am fine. How are you?" Would have invited further discussion. "I am fine. I am very busy right now," still probably would have invited further discussion, would probably have been a better way to go.
HappyLove Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 So now a text AND voicemail isn't much to work with? IDK, how about a phonecall letting the poor guy know you aren't interested but your glad to meet him, wish him all the best! I think simple common decency is becoming a thing of the past. Cowards are the ones who leave people hanging with no closure. Now it's acceptable to just vanish on people and ignore them. You're supposed to just get the hint. I think it's a shame. Even if you don't have to guts to call someone or tell them to their face, the very least you could do is text them saying you don't want to take things further but it was nice meeting you. 2
Author elseaacych Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I admitted that to him when I finally responded to him. I guess we just chalk this one up to experience. It does suck to some extent to be ghosted and left hanging. I should grow a pair and be pleasant about it up front. 1
Recommended Posts